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<p>My two year old has started to have full on, lengthy tantrums when people (other than Mommy) do certain things for her.</p>
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<p>This has been an issue on a much smaller scale for a while, but has gotten very bad recently.  Issues primarily center around things like diaper changes, clothing changes, getting in and out of the carseat, being put to bed, etc. </p>
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<p>She will proceed very happily when these things are done by Daddy, our nanny, Grandma or Grandpa if I am not present -- but if I am there is full scale meltdown unless I take over the job.</p>
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<p>We have catered to this a bit (probably too much, which is part of the problem), but I feel it is to the detriment of my other child who deserves Mommy time too.</p>
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<p>My nanny recently suggested that we just do the opposite of what she wants -- if the nanny and I are in the kitchen together while breakfast is going on, and she wants Mommy to take her out of the highchair, the nanny will do it instead.   This seems kinda of harsh to me but I don't seem to have a better idea forward. </p>
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<p>Anyone else dealt with this?</p>
 

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<p>At 2, attchement needs are becoming very strong and differentiated.  Toddlers are generally incapable of holding more than one person close at a time, so who ever is there and is closest to them is likely to get all the love/responsibility.  A lot of families see this in 'only mommy (or daddy) will do" behavior.  Some kids switch from one to the other, some don't, but most kids will have trouble accepting another caregiver when their preferred caregiver is present at this age.  You could try asking the child to 'help mommy' by letting the nanny/other caregiver help them.  Giving extra snuggles at more appropriate times might help too. REad "hold on to your kids" by gordon neufeld for more info on this whole attachment thing, and other ideas. </p>
 

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I usually approach it as if I can do it without putting too big a burden on myself or others, I will as yes they tend have a priority of person's they are close to at that age and want that person (if present) to do it all. But at times when I can't do it for whatever reason, I just try to gently explain that money is busy so daddy will help. The other thing I do is when she is in a good mood, just fed, etc. to try and have dad or whoever do little things for her while I am there so she can get used to it when in her best mood. Finally, I always have her ask politiely for me to help, at least that way she is learning to ask nicely so that she can learn to express her needs in a way that is understanding of other's feelings. She doesn't understand it yet, but it is good to start praticing.
 
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