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Child Led Weaning, or Mommy Led?

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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm having trouble with weaning my 21 month ds. I just feel so mean! I have always planned to do child led weaning, but I'm feeling done... he isn't. My nipples are sore, he tends to clench when he is done, so to say the least it isn't pleasant. Not only that, but nights are driving me nuts! He wants to nurse several times at night, and I don't like sleeping on my side all night... it hurts after a while
My problem is, I feel horrible trying to go cold turkey. So I was planning to gradually wean. Part of me wants to continue nursing, but part of me also wants to quit. HELP! Any suggestions or tips are SO welcome!!
 

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It really doesn't have to an either/or proposition. You don't necessarily need to wean completely; it's ok to set some boundaries. It's a nursing relationship, and it involves both of you. If you are resenting nursing, he can sense that and will fight harder.

At that age, I felt comfortable setting limits on nighttime nursing. I would nurse at bedtime, and then explain that we would do no more nursing until it was light out. Easy term for a little one to grasp. If baby woke, I'd offer water, a small snack if s/he was actually hungry, and all the hugs, kisses, and cuddles s/he wanted, but was firm on the no nursing stance. It took a few nights with some protestation, but it established a new routine fairly quickly.
 

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Oh, I didn't vote because ds was child-led, and dd was gently pushed along towards weaning with a little bit of effort on my part. I'd been pregnant or nursing for over 5 years at that point and needed a break! She was 2.5, though, and was ready.
 

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well, call me in the middle (lol- to the clw mamas, i'm the cruel beeotch who forced her 7 yr old to wean; to, er, the rest of the western world, i'm the crazy beeotch who NURSED TILL 7... atm, my 2 & nearly 4 yr olds are happily still snacking, & i have no plans to end their reverie.)

there have been many times i have thought 'oh JEEZ, i am hating this; surely it will damage them irrepairably to be nursed with resentment', but i've kept in mind that it is a feeling, and feelings change- weaning is forever. i don't adore my dh every second of every day, but i don't divorce him when i am pissed i tripped over his shoes left on the living room floor.

for every time i've thought, 'c'mon, baby, my shoulder aches. and stop twiddling!' there have been a dozen times i've been incredibly grateful we're still nursing- when they've been sick and would otherwise have been hospitalized from dehydration, when we've been upset with each other and found a cozy way to reconnect, when they can't sleep and are sad or lonely, etc.

can you, without resorting to the forever step of weaning (nak, hard to type!), make adjustments to your relationship so it's not so hellish for you? (your feelings count, too!) gradually moving them out of my bed, to a cosleeper, then crib beside my bed, to crib in other room, and now their big boy beds (of course, they still nurse to sleep and wake, and baby likes me to get him at about 4 am and snuggle for a couple hours) has enabled me to get the sleep i wouldn't have, if i was next to them smelling my milk (i know from experience they would definately suck all night.) family bed compromises have kept us nursing... would you really want to wean, if sleep and sore shoulder issues could be resolved? 21 months is still such a baby....

anyway, good luck, and good sleep. suse
 

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Suse does speak true.

There were many, many occasions both after ds self-weaned and dd got help to wean, when I regretted not nursing any longer.

What I was trying to say, is that you can decide which times just aren't working for you, and work to find a solution so that it's working for both of you.
 

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I didn't vote, but I'd suggest night weaning and then see about the rest. I know for me, I was done nursing ds, then we actively nightweaned him (which went better than we thought). Getting a full night's sleep without someone sucking on me was wonderful, and I didn't mind the day nursing so much.
 

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OT

Quote:

Originally Posted by suseyblue
(lol- to the clw mamas, i'm the cruel beeotch who forced her 7 yr old to wean; to, er, the rest of the western world, i'm the crazy beeotch who NURSED TILL 7... atm, my 2 & nearly 4 yr olds are happily still snacking, & i have no plans to end their reverie.)
Suseyblue, FWIW I never thought that you were a cruel beeotch (and I don't think anyone else ever insinuated that either).

 

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I'd recommend night weaning and setting limits before deciding to wean.

Quote:

Originally Posted by suseyblue
(lol- to the clw mamas, i'm the cruel beeotch who forced her 7 yr old to wean;
Susey, no one ever said that. All that was said is that mother led weaning is mother led weaning, no matter what age the child is. I truly hope you don't feel that the CLWers think anything bad about you. I'm sure I speak for almost all of the posters in the EB forum when I say we certainly think you are quite the awesome lady for breastfeeding for seven years!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by MamaAllNatural
I'd recommend night weaning and setting limits before deciding to wean.
Yup!


Quote:
Susey, no one ever said that. All that was said is that mother led weaning is mother led weaning, no matter what age the child is. I truly hope you don't feel that the CLWers think anything bad about you. I'm sure I speak for almost all of the posters in the EB forum when I say we certainly think you are quite the awesome lady for breastfeeding for seven years!
Yup!
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Thank you all for all your wonderful supportive responses! I think you are all right, I know I would miss nursing him if I weaned now... especially since I've always wanted to breastfeed until HE wanted to stop. No sleep does things to people, especially when you wake up achey, that is for sure! I will give the night weaning a try, and just nurse him during the day. Thank you all so much for all your comments... I love having support like this! WOO HOO!
 
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