[greenbeing]

Help! My ds has started saying this when he doesn't get his way. He's been really challenging and everything we say, he wants/does the opposite and now this. He's 4 and I'm wondering if this is a phase or if he really does think this. We give him a lot of positive attention and tell him we love him a lot...where did this come from? It really hurts to hear this.

 

[demottm]

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear about you going through this, but I can assure you that your child still loves you. My mom told me a story about when I was four...I was in the bedroom at a friend's house and these friends were a couple of years older than me. My mom was coming to check on us and heard me going on and on about all the ways I had to get my own way. She said that I told these little girls that if nothing else worked I would just tell my mom that she doesn't love me anymore. I have always loved and will love my mom, and I can only imagine what my own mother was feeling at that point. She was probably thinking..."that little rat!" Good luck!

 

[hedgewitch]

It sounds like one of those hurtful things kids say when they are pissed off and in the moment. I really doubt he believes it. I think I would respond with "That is really mean/hurtful, those words make me sad. I love you but you are not getting your way because.... Please let me know when you are ready to talk in a way that is not hurtful."<br><br>
I'm sure he'll grow out of it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">

 

[Super Glue Mommy]

"I am sorry you feel that way, but I know whats in my heart and I know I love you."<br><br>
or address the issue behind it<br><br>
"it's hard when you don't get your way. It makes you feel unloved, even though we love you very much."

 

[LynnS6]

I read your title and said "she's got a 4 year old." This is the CLASSIC age for these things to come out of their mouths. They're learning the power of words, and they start wielding them like a 100 lb. club!<br><br>
I found it helpful to rephrase for my kids: "Wow, you sound like you're really mad at me." Arguing that I do indeed love them never worked!

 

[greenbeing]

Thank you for responding! And thanks for the helpful comments to say. The first few times I heard it, I was sad and surprised and then wondering where did I go wrong to have my ds say that to me.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">This is the CLASSIC age for these things to come out of their mouths.</td>
</tr></table></div>
4 has been quite an experience in our household...I guess I'm glad to hear this is another one of those, "I can't believe he just said that," experiences. Hopefully, after explaining how that's hurtful to hear and that my decisions aren't changing, he'll stop.