[LydiaJW]

I posted on my myspace about WBW. No one really commented, but I just gave a thumbs up to mamas who do, and put a very short list of some of the benefits on there.

Then a friend of mine, FF-er SAHM who has never tried bfing, put some statistic up there about how 32% of moms feel guilt over not bfing, and how she thinks its shortsighted to celebrate WBW! She said this week in HER house is going to be "Mom's who make good decisions for their kids" week.

My question is, why would anyone ever object to WBW? I don't object to "Black History Month" although it doesn't apply to me. I guess I'm just annoyed that people see me celebrating something wonderful as being a backlash on them. Ugh.

 

[Rikki Jean]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LydiaJW Then a friend of mine, FF-er SAHM who has never tried bfing, put some statistic up there about how 32% of moms feel guilt over not bfing, and how she thinks its shortsighted to celebrate WBW!She said this week in HER house is going to be "Mom's who make good decisions for their kids" week.

Hmmmm...last time I checked, we are making the best decisions for our kids. It sounds like she's one of the 32%...

 

[hawkfeather]

maybe you should enquire about what *good* decisions she is refering to?

 

[Sarah]

Why would someone feel guilty about making a good decision?

 

[forshure]

There's an awesome quote in The Breastfeeding Cafe, a book which I dearly

. It's from a psychologist (Harriet Lerner) who says: "Try to remember that our society encourages women to cultivate guilt like a little flower garden, because nothing blocks the awareness and expression of legitimate anger as effectively as this all-consuming emotion."

Might be a good one to post on her blog!

Way less threatening for the formula industry, corporations, insurance companies, etc to keep moms guilty versus angry. If people are angry, they start asking questions like...Why don't I get paid maternity leave again? Why was my breastfeeding support kit filled with formula samples? Why didn't my insurance company cover the cost of my rental pump when my DC was in NICU? Why was my breastfeeding relationship with my DC systematically undermined?

I think there's another article that mentions the connection between guilt and anger where it compares not getting the necessary support to BF to not receiving rehabilitation therapy for an injury? I couldn't track it down, but that would be another good link to send.

 

[REDBREAST]

I have a question, why in the world are you comparing Black history month, which should actually be Black history year, but that's another matter, with your idea of WBW? While WBW sounds like a great idea and it seems like you want to praise the mamas who make good choices for their kids, you have made yourself out to sound racist with your comment about how you don't reject BHM, when it does not apply to you. WTF??? There is no comparison!!! None, zero and I am highly offended that you even wrote that!!!

Like I said above that while your idea of a WBW sounds awesome, it also can be seen as classist as well as racist, considering that many mamas of color and low-income may make choices that some middle-class white mamas might not feel is the best, even though the struggling mamas are doing the best we can, with all that we have. So while the idea is great, why not instead find out ways to bring resources, awareness and support for mamas of limited means, so that we can too do better by our children.

Perhaps through public awareness we can achieve this goal? Or you can attach it to your orginal idea of WBW. When appreciating actions, one should try not to exclude or alienate folks.

"Till we get there."

 

[hawkfeather]

Quote:

Originally Posted by REDBREAST Like I said above that while your idea of a WBW sounds awesome, it also can be seen as classist as well as racist, considering that many mamas of color and low-income may make choices that some middle-class white mamas might not feel is the best, even though the struggling mamas are doing the best we can, with all that we have.

I am not sure what idea of WBW you are speaking of really..
But educating and empowering women to me is what WBW is about. Creating a climate in our culture where breastfeeding is the norm is to the benefit of all races and classes.

The fact that white middle class and upper class women are the ones who reap the benefits of most breastfeding support is a crime- The lowest breastfeeding rates still exist among the most impoverished- the message of WBW is a social justice issue to many of us who consider ourselves lactivists specifically so we can attempt to help women who may not be recieving the support they deserve.

 

[Rikki Jean]

Quote:

Originally Posted by REDBREAST I have a question, why in the world are you comparing Black history month, which should actually be Black history year, but that's another matter, with your idea of WBW? While WBW sounds like a great idea and it seems like you want to praise the mamas who make good choices for their kids, you have made yourself out to sound racist with your comment about how you don't reject BHM, when it does not apply to you. WTF??? There is no comparison!!! None, zero and I am highly offended that you even wrote that!!! Like I said above that while your idea of a WBW sounds awesome, it also can be seen as classist as well as racist, considering that many mamas of color and low-income may make choices that some middle-class white mamas might not feel is the best, even though the struggling mamas are doing the best we can, with all that we have. So while the idea is great, why not instead find out ways to bring resources, awareness and support for mamas of limited means, so that we can too do better by our children. Perhaps through public awareness we can achieve this goal? Or you can attach it to your orginal idea of WBW. When appreciating actions, one should try not to exclude or alienate folks. "Till we get there."

I think she was just saying that she's not against Black History Month just because she's of a different race. She was comparing this to her friend who is against WBW because she doesn't bf.

 

[Ruthla]

As a SAHM, she didn't have any economic reasons she couldn't BF.

If she had any medical reasons not to BF (medication incompatible with BF, double mastectomy in the past, sexual abuse that affects the way she views her breasts, etc,) then she has nothing to feel guilty about. Even if it turns out her medication WAS safe for BF, if she didn't know better at the time, then she made the best choice she could with the info she had, and she has no reason to feel guilty. Even if she had a medical reason she isn't comfortable sharing, then she still has no reason to feel guilty. She did the best she could with the resources and information she had available to her.

If she had no "valid" reasons not to BF, then WBW is reminding her that she DIDN'T make the best choices for her children. This realization could be making her feel guilty. WBW isn't "making her feel guilty" she's doing that all on her own!

If it turns out she didn't have valid reasons not to BF but received bad information from her Dr, then she should be feeling angry, not guilty!

 

[Greenie]

Wait a minute....

What is she celebrating? Making good decisions for her kids???

Um... Last time I checked, FF is a BAD decision....

 

[Greenie]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ruthla If she had any medical reasons not to BF (medication incompatible with BF, double mastectomy in the past, sexual abuse that affects the way she views her breasts, etc,) then she has nothing to feel guilty about.

I'm in this category. Guess what? I got over it. I thought about it like this: Confront my fears head on (7 years of constant abuse) or wimp out. I don't think that a effed up body image is a reason to just not even try.

 

[velcromom]

Hey, maybe your next topic can be guilt. Here's what I say about guilt and you can quote me on it.

Guilt is what a person feels when their actions conflict with their values.

We are not responsible for creating those negative feelings, they are generated within the person by their own response due to whatever reason... We can't make them feel bad about not nursing, they already do. That's why they have a defensive reaction. We are not responsible for protecting their feelings. If someone has a negative response to being presented with simple information, that is definitely their own personal issue.

If a mom is at peace with herself and her parenting decisions, nothing anybody else says will mean much to her, let alone "make" her feel an emotion she didn't feel before.

For example, I sure don't feel guilty for not spanking even though lots of people have told me I'm wrong and my kids will suffer from a "lack of discipline". Nothing anyone else says matters. I know my actions are in line with my values and therefore I will not experience guilt over it.

Feelings are generated internally, we can't give someone else feelings of guilt. When guilt happens, it's a normal and healthy signal from yourself to pay attention to the fact that you are acting in a way you believe is not right.

Quote:

"Try to remember that our society encourages women to cultivate guilt like a little flower garden, because nothing blocks the awareness and expression of legitimate anger as effectively as this all-consuming emotion."

I think when we cultivate that garden, we may be calling it guilt but to me, that's not guilt, it's shame- when women are encouraged by society to feel badly about themselves (and society does that so well in so many different ways) -that is something completely different - you can be shamed by others even when you know you didn't do wrong, especially those you look to as authority figures. And it is surely true that a person that has been handed a burden of shame is not a person to stand up for themselves in anger. Quite the convenient mechanism for keeping mouths quiet if you don't want to hear what they have to say.

How that plays in concert with true guilt, I wonder. Guilt is a real signal to do better next time, but how can you do better next time without moving through the stages to progress - shame in not succeeding handed to you from the very society that sets women up to fail - to realize it was more complex than you having made one simple choice, that there is appropriate anger to acknowledge and express, then to get beyond that anger and learn what went wrong and how to do better....

 

[ryssann]

The idea of World Breastfeeding Week is to protect mothers and their children worldwide. To bring awareness, not cause guilt or celebrate something only white middleclass women can afford to do.

Here is a link that describes more fully what this week is about.

http://worldbreastfeedingweek.org/

 

[momtoNatalee]

I have had similar problems w/ my blogging. Annoying isn't it!!

OT-I sent a friend request to you

 

[jarynsmom06]

Quote:

Originally Posted by REDBREAST I have a question, why in the world are you comparing Black history month, which should actually be Black history year, but that's another matter, with your idea of WBW? While WBW sounds like a great idea and it seems like you want to praise the mamas who make good choices for their kids, you have made yourself out to sound racist with your comment about how you don't reject BHM, when it does not apply to you. WTF??? There is no comparison!!! None, zero and I am highly offended that you even wrote that!!! Like I said above that while your idea of a WBW sounds awesome, it also can be seen as classist as well as racist, considering that many mamas of color and low-income may make choices that some middle-class white mamas might not feel is the best, even though the struggling mamas are doing the best we can, with all that we have. So while the idea is great, why not instead find out ways to bring resources, awareness and support for mamas of limited means, so that we can too do better by our children. Perhaps through public awareness we can achieve this goal? Or you can attach it to your orginal idea of WBW. When appreciating actions, one should try not to exclude or alienate folks. "Till we get there."

Umm, why are you getting so defensive? There was nothing racist about what she said. She was comparing that BHM does not apply her because she is not black, but she doesn't oppose to it. Therefore a FF mom should not be offended by WBW because they don't do it. It really bugs me when someone mentions anything about a black person and automatically they are considered racist. I mean really get over it. I think celebrating breastfeeding is a wonderful idea, it's natural, that's why God created breast and if FF mom's are offended or feel guilty then oh well. You shouldn't feel guilty about something unless you know you are in the wrong, so maybe if the ff mom's feel guilty, they know they should have BF. ( This only applies to mom's who chose to FF over BF, not those that tried or did not have the correct info.) That brings another point, you mentioned bringing awareness , info ect. That is what it is about. Showing other mother's not to be ashamed to BF and they can also get info.

I am realy disturbed that you would think that WBW is in any way racist...

I mean I could say that BHM is being racist because we don't have a White history month, but I don't....

 

[Ruthla]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Greenie I'm in this category. Guess what? I got over it. I thought about it like this: Confront my fears head on (7 years of constant abuse) or wimp out. I don't think that a effed up body image is a reason to just not even try.

I'm sorry you had to go through that.

I'm not saying that ALL women who've dealt with sexual abuse are unable to BF their children, but for some women this is a problem. Just because you were able to "get over it" doesn't mean that another woman is "weak" or "selfish" if she can't "get over it."
No question, it's ideal to face all these issues prior to getting pregnant, but that isn't always possible. For some women, the issues are buried and then pop to the surface right after giving birth. This can just be too much- learning how to care for a brand new baby, dealing with post-partum hormonal adjustements, possibly dealing with a traumatic birth experience AND dealing with newly resurfaced abuse feelings related to being abused?

I'm keeping this in my list of "valid reasons some women can't or shouldn't BF."

 

[Mokhwar]

I'm all for it!

Let's do it right after WBW.

And just before ICBW.

:

Have sympathy. She feels bad. Feeling bad where the well-being of your children is concerned is awful. Especially if it is beyound you, KWIM? Sahm or not, when things like depression, sexual abuse, or jerk husbands factor in, you can feel like breastfeeding is out of your hands, and there is no good reason for her to ever either share her reason, or be truthful about it to you. (i.e., I'd rather say "I just don't want to" rather than say, oh I was raped when I was six." or "Well, John thinks it's gross, and I care what he thinks." KWIM?) She is coping with WBW in a healthy way for herself, which equals healthy for her family.

 

[LydiaJW]

YIKES I did not mean to sound racist at all!! It was just the first think that came to mind. As a friend pointed out, I could also say "oh so we shouldn't celebrate individual peoples birthdays, because that leaves everyone ELSE out." I'm sorry if I offended anyone...It definitly was not my intent.

Anyway, the same friend emailed me saying "I'm not mad at you" (why should she be? what did I do?) and then went on to tell me she felt that WBW was engineered to make her feel like a failure of a mom. No one can "make" someone feel a certain way, this we all know, but she was genuinely offended that I would "support" a week that was so exclusive and belittling to ff moms. I told HER that I support it because women in 3rd world countries need bfing support, and I told her that children in those countries who are fed formula mixed with that god awful water, die. I also told her some women go thru seemingly unbeatable odds to give their kids the best and should be able to celebrate it without "making" other moms feel guilty.

Sheesh, I wonder if our friendship is ruined?

:

 

[frontierpsych]

Being accused of making someone feel guilty is one of my pet peeves.

 

[User101]

The idea behind World Breastfeeding Week isn't to "make" mothers who haven't chosen breastfeeding feel guilty.

Quote:

World Breastfeeding Week (WBW) is August 1st - 7th and celebrates the signing of the Innocenti Declaration on the Protection, Promotion and Support of Breastfeeding. It is celebrated in 120 countries on various dates. The theme for 2006 is "Code Watch: 25 Years of Protecting Breastfeeding." The International Code of Marketing of Breastmilk Substitutes, also known as "The Code," marks its 25th anniversary in 2006. Adopted by the World Health Assembly in 1981, The Code is an international public health recommendation which seeks to give women pure facts about feeding their babies, free of aggressive infant formula marketing influences, so that mothers can make well informed feeding decisions. Marketing refers to all promotional activities by manufacturers and distributors, from advertising and labeling to their relations with health workers and their associations.

http://www.lllusa.org/wbw/

So if she's feeling badly, she's missed the point.