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I have 2 boys (ages 6 1/2 & almost 4 when baby comes) I understand there is alot of changes & adjustment going on in thier lives with the baby coming & we just moved for the 1st time in their lives, but they are behaving so badly I feel like I just want to cry most of the time. They don't listen! I am terrified about how I will possibly be able to handle 3 kids.<br><br>
Even little things like going to the store are hard enough now but with a baby added in, it seems impossible. Even worse is thinking about in a year or so when baby is no longer a 'baby'. Anyone else having these thoughts/feelings too?
 

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Well, I only have one right now (DD, 3) but somedays I'm scared and other days I'm excited. The days I feel scared are ones when I'm so tired, the house is a mess, DD is screaming/crying/climbing on me, DH is tired/hungry/working late, and I just want to hire a sitter and go have a drink someplace quiet. And that's with just one!<br><br>
I know adding another will just add to the chaos, but I try to focus on the positive. Like thinking about them playing together, or a future with them both eating at the dinner table. I actually think it will be easier once #2 is a bit older. Right now, the times I feel most excited is when DD hugs and kisses my belly, and say's "I love you sister!" So cute. Or when my DD makes comments about how proud he is of his "girls". Or when I just have a quiet moment to reflect on the little person growing inside me, and all that the future could hold for her.<br><br>
Don't feel bad! I was just on a playdate with one of my friends, and she just had #2 a couple weeks ago. We were watching the kids play and she said "What were we thinking? They finally get to an independant, toilet trained, self expressing stage and we decide to start all over? We must be crazy!" So you are not the only one! Hang in there.
 

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I remember those early years. They sure can be overwhelming. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I would spend the next few months working on firm boundaries and discipline. Ages 6.5 and 4 are plenty old enough to learn how to behave properly... most of the time. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent"><br><br>
You <i>may</i> be over-empathizing with them, which allows the misbehavior to continue. It's definitely understandable! You're tired... you want to be sensitive to the recent move... and you fear displacing them with a new baby.<br><br>
But children move all the time and fare just fine. Children have new siblings arrive and do just fine. Your energetic boys need to learn that Mama has feelings and needs, too.<br><br>
I wish you all the best! Truly, I have found that addressing behavior issues early and often leads to older children who are a delight to be around. You'll get there! I promise. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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I have a 19 mnoth old and I'm terrified. I'm trying not to think ahead too much but just the logistics of what to do with him during the birth is freaking me out. He's never slept alone, nurses to sleep and I just know he wont do well with my parents for more than a couple of hours. I'm hoping I go into labor at night while he's deep asleep. Then the cosleeping/nursing two, while recovering from birth...if my husband has a job by then, he won't be able to take anytime off but if he doesn't have a job, we will have nothing. Ugh anyway you're definitely nit alone in fearing the change!
 

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My daughter will be two in a week. So she'll be 27 months when the new baby comes. I'm nervous, but not afraid. I'm pretty confident we'll roll with the punches and adjust. I'm quite certain there will be hard/bad days but I am completely confident that won't be most days forever. In the long run I really am committed to having multiple children and we'll figure it out somehow. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I know I can parent my way through this, but it's the sleep deprivation that scares me. My DD is JUST starting to sleep through the night with some regularity...but the last few nights she's decided 5:30 is a great time to wake up for the day. After three years, I'm pretty strung out. And starting the cycle again with a newborn? Frankly, terrifying. I'm already convinced I've been sick frequently this pregnancy as a result of poor sleep, and I don't know how much more my body can take. I just want to sleep again.
 

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I am...not thinking about it. Haha.<br><br>
My son will be 27 months old when this baby gets here. Some days all I can think is, "What have we done? Why did we think we could survive this?"<br>
Other days I'm optimistic and I figure we'll just go with the flow and meet each challenge as it comes.<br><br>
More recently I've begun to worry about naps. How do you get more than one kid to nap if they're both wanting to be cuddled to sleep? How do I fix dinner and nurse the baby AND change diapers AND help my son with potty learning? How do other stay at home moms do it?<br><br>
How does the house not burn down? LOL. How do I not lose my mind?
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Thanks all for the support. I remember freaking about alot of things when I was preg with DS2 too. They have just been so out of control lately that I just don't know what to do. I know it will be hard, but we will get through. Parenting is really tough sometimes!
 

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I was very scared when I was having my second. The two boys are 26 months apart. Things just somewhat fell into place, I'm banking on that for this one too. I'm hoping number three sleeps as well as my other two and that my other two do not use my sleep deprivation to their advantage. I'm thankful for school. I think maybe now might be a good time to think about how you would like things run and set up some routines to get to that place.<br><br>
Even something like loading the kids into the car, I get the door open for DS1 and while he climbs in and over to his seat behind mine, I can get DS2 in and strapped, and then walk over to the other side, strap in DS1 and climb in. That's just expected now and it's made my life a little easier. I use enticement (or is that bribery? *g*) a lot too. Like before they do craft/movie/snack/outside time, the play room has to be picked up. It might be hard at this time since I know energy isn't at a premium, but I've found getting my ducks in a row before baby arrives is giving me a sense of confidence that we'll be able to manage. Though, ask me how we're doing mid September after we've had a couple weeks.
 

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This will be our 4th, and honestly the only thing I'm concerned about is keeping up with Elias, who will be 23 months when Bella gets here. With our older boys (7 & 5) DH was home with me for the newborn stage, but he is working full time and then full time school, so I am a little worried about spending enough time with them. I know we can do it, it will just take a bit of adjusting. And I have to say that 7 & 5 can be rough ages for boys, they tend to fight alot more now than ever and it does get frustrating at times. But they are also very helpful as well and are the best of friends. We've never run into too much jealousy issues, maybe a little when Liam (DS5) went through a phase a few months back where he wanted to be the baby again, but that has passed. I think for us going from 2 to 3 kids was a transition, but it does go smoothly, you just can't be unrealistic with your expectations <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> At the same time, you can make yourself feel totally overwhelmed at the prospect of it all. I think the best advice I can offer is to really just go with it once the babe arrives, follow the kids' lead, and just do the best you can. You will get through it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><br><br>
ETA: I went back and reread your post and I know excatly what you mean about taking them to the store. We went to Target yesterday and between them walking in front of the cart, Elias wanting to be held instead of sitting and Jacob telling Liam what to do, I know I got that look of "and she's having ANOTHER one" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> But you know, there are good days and bad... sometimes the bad are more plentiful, but it's not every time. I have found that setting boundaries is the best thing to do. It's very tough some days to stick with that, but I can see changes and they are good. Also giving them little chores has helped. But there are those days where it seems like I'm saying where did these kids come from??!!
 

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I'm not worried about it. At one point, we had a 6 year old, and 3 under 3.<br><br>
I think it comes down to perspective, and routine. If your home runs chaotically with children who make the rules, don't have clear boundaries, and who get to be the decision makers, then the addition of one more will tend to be a very difficult thing. However, if you have boundaries, rules, consequences and lots of love, then it's no big deal. Our house is actually more serene and peaceful and loving with 5 kids than it was with 2. It came through learning, confidence, and routine.<br><br>
My perspective is that children are added TO the marriage and the family unit. Therefore, while things will always change with a new one added, they shouldn't "ruin" your life. I think it's sad when a baby arrives and people are so frazzled that they end up not liking being a parent. However, i know people share different parenting philosophies than I do.<br><br>
Going to the store is no big deal. Our children have been taught how to behave, and they understand that they must behave or there will be consequences for their actions. We wouldn't physically, mentally or spiritually be able to have the amount of kids we have (and hope to have) if they ran the show or filled our lives with chaos.<br><br>
I don't fear not having enough time or love. I think we extend love to children in lots of ways, and larger families tend to multiply that. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy"> Through homeschooling, they get tons of one on one attention through the day, and cuddling and enjoying one another comes from parents and siblings. They are all home with me, all the time, so they have nothing but time and attention.<br><br>
If parents think that taking children lots of places, and buying lots of things equals love, then we never would measure up..again, maybe just different philosophies. I was telling my husband the other day that Henry, our 11 month old, is SO blessed..he has SO much love, it's incredible! He is by far my most needy and cuddly child yet..and he's not lacking for having those needs met.<br><br>
Hope I didn't step on any toes with this post..I like to look back to women a couple of generations ago...women who usually had lots of children, few to no conveniences, took control of their homes, and raised their children with confidence and pride. Mama's can do anything! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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I'm not worried about how my boys will react-- they're pretty big and excited to help out with the baby and around the house. I'm a little worried that they will have a hard time keeping quiet for her naps. I'm mostly worried that I will have a hard time adjusting to a newborn's schedule and care-- it will have been 3 years since I changed a diaper, and my kids have been sleeping through the night for 3-4 years now.<br>
I am glad it worked out that the baby is going to be born just a few weeks before my littlest boy starts kindergarten because he's a bit of a handful and I know I'll need the break!
 

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<div style="font-style:italic;">I have a 19 mnoth old and I'm terrified. I'm trying not to think ahead too much but just the logistics of what to do with him during the birth is freaking me out. He's never slept alone, nurses to sleep and I just know he wont do well with my parents for more than a couple of hours. I'm hoping I go into labor at night while he's deep asleep. Then the cosleeping/nursing two, while recovering from birth</div>
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I'm too tired to type my response out (just got DS off to bed after a long day) so I'm going to ditto what you said! My son will be 19/20 months and your situation mirrors ours so much it's crazy. He's been acting up a lot lately (has started hitting frequently and throwing some major tantrums) and I think the baby's arrival is going to throw him off even more. I'm trying to work with him now but at his age I'm finding myself pretty limited in what I can do to help him learn what is acceptable behavior. I'm looking forward to our homebirth but not looking forward to scrambling to find someone to watch him if I don't go into labor at night, we have no family or close friends nearby so it should be interesting. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry">
 

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My kids are all older so, I am actually looking forward to it. My only problem is getting them to help around the house more. I know when this baby comes, I'll need alot of help with that. I don't know if they realize it yet but, they are going to help out more!
 

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<b>Sunshinejanie</b>, two years ago my children were ages 13, 11, 8 and 7 when we had a new baby. It was wonderful! Having older children made it sooo much easier than when the oldest was six and the youngest a newborn.<br><br>
Now my children are 15, 13, 10, 9 and 2. It is soo nice that they are able to make their own lunches, run a vacuum, change a diaper... it won't be long until my oldest can even drive to run errands! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
But I remember those early years so clearly and how every task fell to me. If I was feeling sick... too bad. If one child needed extra attention... I felt I was "neglecting" the others. There were some days when I cried in my closet. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent"><br><br>
Now I joke that everyone should have one child when they are 20 and then wait ten years. After that... you can have as many children as you want and you'll have help!<br><br>
(Just to clarify... my older children have lots of free, fun time. I don't <i>really</i> view them as my work force. Not all day.)
 

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Yes, I'm terrified.<br><br>
I do have boundaries, rules, consequences and so on - in fact, I'm probably pretty strict by the standards of most people here on MDC WRT discipline.<br><br>
But all the rules and routines in the world mean less than nothing to a high needs/colicky/spirited baby. DD was an incredibly difficult baby to deal with - and absolutely none of it was my 'fault'. Unless you're advocating CIO, which is the one thing I never did with her - I did absolutely everything that you're 'supposed to do', but that's just who DD was.<br><br>
She nursed close to 20 hours out of every 24 for the first couple of months. Would not be put down *at all* or would scream and scream as though she were being killed. Slept in 20-30 minute increments for most of her first year. Would not go back to sleep for anyone but me. Would not accept any comfort other than the breast. Had a terrible latch, which I tried constantly but unsuccessfully to fix, so I was in near constant pain from the nursing (even when I wasn't suffering through the recurring mastitis) so I couldn't even doze while she nursed.<br><br>
I was so exhausted from trying to meet her needs that I got really seriously sick myself - I still haven't recovered from that extreme drain on my resources. She was *utterly* miserable as a baby. Things got better as she got older and more capable - I think a lot of it was just serious frustration at the limitations of being a baby. She's now a HN/intense/spirited toddler who wears out everyone around her - but she's about 1,000x easier to deal with than as a baby.<br><br>
I'm just terrified that the next one will be as HN and miserable as she was - I can't even fathom trying to deal with that *and* deal with a toddler at the same time.<br><br>
Yikes, what have I gotten myself into?!!
 

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AutumnAir,<br><br>
I wasn't advocating CIO or strong discipline with the newborn. I was advocating having the remaining children structured, as a method to reduce the "are you worried about adding another to the family" issues.<br><br>
With a high needs baby, there is simply nothing that can be done but devoting the time and energy needed to that baby for the time that he/she needs it! I can relate to you with your DD, and I understand how hard it can be! I had various levels of "easy, and fairly demanding" babies...then I had Henry. I still say that one reason God gave him to me is for me to remember that I don't have my children all figured out! We barely left the house for the first few months..but it was mostly because he would scream in the car-absolutely hated it, and hated anything pretty much, except for nursing...but it wasn't really a problem to "add" him to the family, as the other children knew what was expected of them, and were flexible and understanding of their HN baby brother.<br><br>
I can see how you'd fear having another child after having such a rough go...hopefully, this next one won't be so high needs! It's amazing how different they can be. I could have had 5 or 6 of our 2nd or 3rd babies, and wouldn't bat an eye. However, having Henry was like a complete re-schooling on selflessness for me..a lesson still in progress. He's just about ready to turn 1, and I love him so very much-but he's a test for me, on nearly every level...whew...nothing makes a mama feel horrible like being the only one around who appears to not be able to make her child happy or well-rested or their needs met!<br><br>
I know that another sibling in our family will be a blessing, and my past experience of having closely spaced children means less adjustment for me and the family. Hopefully we'll have breezy little laid back babes! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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I am going on my fourth. My first two were easy compared to adding number three, but it wasn't her fault. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> She was my most easy going baby by far. I had pre and post partum depression with her and my second began a spiral into what we thought was autism but ended up being food allergies/intolerances/metabolic dysfunction. Those things combined with going to three children made for a more difficult transition. I don't think it's like this with every baby tho. This time, I've no depression and feel great.<br>
FWIW, my mom had 8 and she said transitions to 3 and 5 were tough, but after that you could have as many as you wanted because you had older children who were able to help out; mom didn't have to do everything for everyone. I am beginning to see this with my 7 yr old ds. He's more independent and more able to help when I need it.<br>
It has always taken me 3-6 mos to get back into the swing of things--I have slow recoveries--but life gets easier after that.<br>
I second those who have talked about structure--I am just now trying to establish a structure that works well for our family after many upheavals and in just this week of trying, things are going much more smoothly.<br>
Also, remember that the baby days pass so quickly! Enjoy them while you can--my baby turns three this weekend!
 

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My son will be 7 when baby girl is born. To top it off he has severe generalized anxiety, asperger's syndrome, and sensory processing disorder. He is so happy to be having a sister, he has been asking for one as long as he knew what a sibling was, but I do worry how the disruption in his routine will affect him, I worry about what will happen to his anxiety, and how he will cope with having to share me when he had me to himself for 7 years.<br><br>
In my heart I know it will work out, and I know that he is going to love his baby sister, but his behavior has been less than desirable lately, due to an increase in his anxiety that we are still trying to find the cause of so I hope it gets straightened out before she comes.
 

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Yep, I'm scared too. We have just one DS right now, who turned 3 last month so he'll be close to 3.5 when the baby comes. He was a very demanding baby and needed us to parent very, very actively. He didn't sleep through the night until 2.5 yrs old after his horrible teething pain was done and I'm so not excited about giving up our newly acquired peace at night for a newborn. It was really hard on our relationship that he was such a bad sleeper in the first couple of years and we never had any time for ourselves when we weren't terrified he'd wake any minute.<br><br>
And, though DS is much more independent now, he still really requires our attention pretty full time and starts acting up when he doesn't get it. So, I worry what will happen when I'm needing to take care of a baby who needs me even more. And, going out to do things in public like grocery shopping or to the library to check out books, etc has become much, much harder in the past few months as DS is taken to RUNNING fast away from us. Sure he did this before, but he wasn't as fast and he didn't do it as often. Now he thinks it's a really fun game. Or, sometimes it's not a game, he's just so independent and is running off to do something without even communicating. And, he doesn't listen to requests that he stay and wait a moment until I'm ready. For the first time ever I feel like he needs a leash!<br><br>
So, yeah, pretty nervous about adding another right now. I'm sure we'll get through it somehow but not sure what we'll look like on the other side. I don't like having any negative thoughts about this baby's arrival but it just is more complicated when you're adding more than one. I try to remember that this baby could be very different, but what if they aren't?
 
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