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Moms with little or no extended families

645 Views 18 Replies 17 Participants Last post by  GranoLLLy-girl
Anyone out there fit this description?

My dh is from India. His whole family lives there, and his only sister is unable (at this point) to have children. We see them about every other year. On my side I have no living siblings and my mom is not in my life. I have one aunt/uncle/cousin who live far away, grandparents that live far away, and that's it! My dad is local but a workaholic and we hardly see him. His wife works *and* goes to school full time, so we don't see her, either. At least they let me have the key to their community pool! :LOL

Anyone else in the same boat? I mourn the fact that it looks like my kids will have no cousins, no aunts or uncles to form a close bond to. I think it's so important for kids to develop relationships with adults who are not their parents . . . but they are hard to come by in my family. My friends are adults of course, but busy with their own kids.

I feel like we make up our own little island and I really wish we had more family.
I wish I had a sister or brother to call up and chat about stuff.
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I have no family to speak of who live any where near me.

I have an uncle and aunt who live here in Vancouver but we see them about 4 times a year. And I would never call them up if I was in need of support. Just not that kind of relationship.

My mom lives in Alaska with her husband and his family. My in-laws also live in Alaska. My dad lives in California. My brother lives in Chicago.

The hardest part, I think, is the lack of support with the boys. I don't have anyone that I can just drop the boys off with when I need a break. I don't have any family to help out with the day to day stuff of life like so many of my friends have. Friends have told me that they would take the boys anytime, but it's not the same. I've never taken them up on it as I feel like it'd be an imposition. It's silly I know, but if I left my 2 kids with a friend for more than an hour I wouldn't be able to relax as I would be to worried that my boys were to much to handle.

So pretty much it's just the four of us. And yeah I know what you mean that it's sad when i think that my boys won't have that close relationship with their grandparents, uncles/aunts or cousins. And when holidays roll around I end up spending most of the time feeling really sad that we don't have anyone's home to go to to celebrate. It's just us.
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Me too. My family is in the UK, his is in Canada, I have one friend here who I love to bits but she is VERY unhappy with her life and very negative, hates being a Mum and complains about all the time. It's pretty lonely really.The kids are happy though.
Checking in

My dad and step mom live in Hawaii (we are on the east coast USA)
My 2 brothers are in Chicago and have NEVER visited us.
My Mom passed away several years before DS was born.

As for aunts uncles cousins -- most of them I don't even know and they live in South America (where my parents are from) or spread out around the globe. I have one cousin and uncle in Berkeley. Haven't seen them since my mom's funeral.

I go round and round about the lack of family. I am envious of those who have grandparents around to spoil their kiddos. But then we have wonderful friends and neighbors. And we don't have all of the conflict that often comes with the close family package.
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I definately fit ithis catagory. I have no siblings,my mother had lived near us for a few years but has moved away again. My dad does live nearby but his wife doesn't really want my kids and I "interfereing" in the new family he has with them.(she says it's "confusing" for her grandchildren to have my kids calling him "grandpa" too). DH's family all live in another state as well. It doesn't seem to bother him,but I wish I had more family.

Originally Posted by boatbaby

I go round and round about the lack of family. I am envious of those who have grandparents around to spoil their kiddos. But then we have wonderful friends and neighbors. And we don't have all of the conflict that often comes with the close family package.

I'm envious of those who can drop the kids off with Grandma to watch them! We live in Brooklyn, my brother lives 12 hours west of us (in NY), our immediate family lives in NC, & my Dad lives 3 hours west in PA. I have cousins in NJ, but nobody that I'm close to & I don't have a car, so we really don't see anyone. Not that we mind *that* much since DH & I are so totally different than the rest of the fam, but still...
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I'm estranged from the majority of my family. Just keep in contact with one aunt/uncle and a cousin, however we're in CA and they all live in NJ. So, yeah.

My SO on the other hand has family like 2 minutes away. It makes me jealous alot...

I've only moved to CA 7 months ago, so I have no friends, nothing here. Kinda hard to deal with sometimes...
Checking in, too. I have family in the BC interior and in Alberta. I moved here to the island 5 years ago but am quite introverted and have made no real friends outside of work. We moved out to the country 3 years ago and I have no friends out here at all. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law live with us but they're both quite dysfunctional and so close relationships there are just not possible.

This used to really bother me. But now I'm finding that I'm growing accustomed to it. I do get lonely at times but that's what boards like MDC are for! I believe that internet communities can provide a lot of support and friendship.

Originally Posted by GreenHippieMama
My dad does live nearby but his wife doesn't really want my kids and I "interfereing" in the new family he has with them.(she says it's "confusing" for her grandchildren to have my kids calling him "grandpa" too).
Oh GreenHippieMam, that is so cra**y. Your dad's wife sounds like a real piece of work.

I have a mom in town for the next 4 days. She arrived to be here last night for my oldest son's birthday (he'll be 3 on Sunday). It is such a relief when she comes. She's more than willing to take on some of the parenting duties so I can finally relax a bit and take a break. But I always end up paying for it in the end. My mom of course spoils the boys and brings a really excited and manic energy with her, so when she leaves to go back home I am left with cranky, tired and burnt out boys. And end up spending the next few days trying to get them back inot their comfortable daily routine

But hey, at least I get a taste of what it's like to have family close by.
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Similar boat her I don't speak to my motheror my father and although I live in the same area as a huge extended family I see none of them. My dad was gone for most of my life so trying to connect with his side of the family just never worked out I have siblings but they are younger and not to be trusted with my kids as a rule. Dh has avery small but wonderfully supportive family but they live seven hours away. we try to spend as much time with them as we can. Dh and I want to have several children so that theoretically our children will have the family i always wanted.
I'm in a similar boat. With our first son, Quinn, we lived in the same city as all of our family - St. Louis, MO. So we had both sets of grandparents, great-grandparents, all nearby, not to mention extended family beyond blood ties.

When Quinn died we moved to the Pacific Northwest (the Seattle area) and we have plans to move to BC, Canada once we are approved. So this baby will not have any family anywhere closer than a thousand miles away. My mother is getting to be too frail to travel and we don't expect DH's parents to travel up here too much, as their other son is in New Orleans and they already divide their time between NO and FL and MO. Add WA and they'll always be traveling - so maybe they'll be coming up once a year. DH's sister also lives in MO, as do most of my family. And because his sister and brother also have families of their own, travelling up here isn't likely.

I think we'll miss being able to have a sitter nearby - I only really feel comfortable with family taking care of our son, no matter how wonderful our friends are. And we'll miss family events every holiday, because we've both grown up with that.

But we do feel like this is where we need to be, and we are happy with our choice. And once a year when we can, we'll go and visit St. Louis.
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neither of our parents are here. my DH has 2 brothers here, but it isn't really like we spend a lot of time with them. my sister is far away as well. it is hard and we are thinking about moving near my dad and stepmom and that would be closer to my sister than we are right now.

chasmyn, i have tears streaming down my face after reading the story of your beautiful son Quinn. thanks for sharing it.
chasmyn I don't know what to say- what a beautiful boy . I can't stop crying you looked so beautiful and peaceful with yourbaby Iam literally awestruck by your grace
I have basically no extended family. My father and step-father are both dead. I'm estranged from my mother, who lives about 4 hours away.

I'm estranged from my sister, who lives in this town but has never, will never, meet my child (long story, involves hard drug use, violence against family members and others, warrants out for her arrest in some areas of the country, etc).

DH's parents and sister live 9 hours away. His 50 yr old sister has no children. We see the IL's about once a year.

I have an aunt that we visit every couple of years. She has children, grandchildren. Unfortunately, the little cousins that are about my child's age are not compatible with us (religiously, politically, and attachment-parenting-wise).

DD is an only child, with no first cousins.
My dd has no grandparents. They all died before we got married. All of my sibs and Dh's sibs live far away (the closest is about a 20 hr drive). The only family I have nearby is a niece, and even though we only live about 40 miles apart I only see her a few times a year. One of my sisters usually visits once a year. The others I haven't seen in several years. One brother i don't speak to and the other lives in Europe.

we just got back from a vist with DH's sibs back East and it was wonderful to have so many people who could keep an eye on and entertain dd. I even got to take naps!!
My Mom and Dad are 2 hours away in the warm months, so we can and do visit them often during the summer, but it's a lot of work to get packed and travel for so many weekends. My Sister lives near Mom and Dad, so we see her, but less often--she is also skeptical of some of my 'crunchiness', and I don't need the criticism/attitude she gives. Her grown kids--my Niece and Nephew--are close to my age. We basically grew up as siblings in a lot of ways, but they are now both living on the W. coast, so we rarely see them, and I miss them and my 7yo Grand niece, dd's only close cousin.

DH's family is in FL, and my parents also go there for the winters. The only good thing about that is that they live about 20 minutes from each other and get along, so we can visit both at the same time when we have to travel.

I wish we had some of the day-to-day contact that so many families do. It would be good to get a break and to have other family that could care for dd here and there for a few hours, help each other with household tasks, etc. I do wonder if we would go
if we had a lot of daily family contact, though.
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I fit the bill!

DH is Navy so we move around a lot. My dad lives in SC with my 1 sister, My mother lives somewhere I can't keep up with her movings and we only talk about once maybe twice a year (she still doesn't even know I've had another baby). DH's parents live in KC with his 1 brother. HIs half sister lives in OK I think with her 2 kids but she is pretty much outcasted from the family.

I see my dad once a year but DH parents fly in several times a year (the benefit of fil working for AA). My sister will most likely never have children and while I think DH lil bro would make a great daddy I have doubts he will ever have children either.

So my children won't have any cousins. They do have a loving aunt (my sis) and cool uncle (bil) but they only get to see them once a year, not optimal for building a string family foundation. And as long as we are Navy we will never live near either of our families.

But we have built our own little community with likeminded families and children near their age so I don't feel they are suffering. I do wish we could have the strong extended family bonds as I feel like I am missing out on lol
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Then there are people like lives 12 miles away, but has some mental issues. Dad lives 10 miles the other direction, but his wife is a real piece of work (abusive to HER grandkids) so we don't go over there and in the meantime, he doesn't visit here or call or anything niether.

MIL passes away 7 years ago, FIL is an alcoholic. 2 of DH's 5 siblings have passed and the another lives in Texas (we're in Ohio). My kids' cousins who do live nearby (an hour away) on DH's side are all older...mid 20's, as my kids are 1-12 (DH started a little later.)

The only cousins my kids do have to play with are my brother's 2 little ones that I babysit 3 days a week. For that little bit of time (they're 3 and 5, so a bit younger than my older two) I am THANKFUL.
Chasmyn, your boy looks so peaceful sleeping in your arms. What incredible strength you have. And what terrific Irish names for your children.

I am in a similar boat, but in an odd way, much like GreenHippiemama, family lives nearby but are totally absent in our lives, despite a ton of effort on our part.
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