Moms with little or no extended families

I have no family to speak of who live any where near me.

I have an uncle and aunt who live here in Vancouver but we see them about 4 times a year. And I would never call them up if I was in need of support. Just not that kind of relationship.

My mom lives in Alaska with her husband and his family. My in-laws also live in Alaska. My dad lives in California. My brother lives in Chicago.

The hardest part, I think, is the lack of support with the boys. I don't have anyone that I can just drop the boys off with when I need a break. I don't have any family to help out with the day to day stuff of life like so many of my friends have. Friends have told me that they would take the boys anytime, but it's not the same. I've never taken them up on it as I feel like it'd be an imposition. It's silly I know, but if I left my 2 kids with a friend for more than an hour I wouldn't be able to relax as I would be to worried that my boys were to much to handle.

So pretty much it's just the four of us. And yeah I know what you mean that it's sad when i think that my boys won't have that close relationship with their grandparents, uncles/aunts or cousins. And when holidays roll around I end up spending most of the time feeling really sad that we don't have anyone's home to go to to celebrate. It's just us.

Checking in

My dad and step mom live in Hawaii (we are on the east coast USA)
My 2 brothers are in Chicago and have NEVER visited us.
My Mom passed away several years before DS was born.

As for aunts uncles cousins -- most of them I don't even know and they live in South America (where my parents are from) or spread out around the globe. I have one cousin and uncle in Berkeley. Haven't seen them since my mom's funeral.

I go round and round about the lack of family. I am envious of those who have grandparents around to spoil their kiddos. But then we have wonderful friends and neighbors. And we don't have all of the conflict that often comes with the close family package.

Quote:


I'm envious of those who can drop the kids off with Grandma to watch them! We live in Brooklyn, my brother lives 12 hours west of us (in NY), our immediate family lives in NC, & my Dad lives 3 hours west in PA. I have cousins in NJ, but nobody that I'm close to & I don't have a car, so we really don't see anyone. Not that we mind *that* much since DH & I are so totally different than the rest of the fam, but still...

Quote:
Oh GreenHippieMam, that is so cra**y. Your dad's wife sounds like a real piece of work.

I have a mom in town for the next 4 days. She arrived to be here last night for my oldest son's birthday (he'll be 3 on Sunday). It is such a relief when she comes. She's more than willing to take on some of the parenting duties so I can finally relax a bit and take a break. But I always end up paying for it in the end. My mom of course spoils the boys and brings a really excited and manic energy with her, so when she leaves to go back home I am left with cranky, tired and burnt out boys. And end up spending the next few days trying to get them back inot their comfortable daily routine

But hey, at least I get a taste of what it's like to have family close by.

I'm in a similar boat. With our first son, Quinn, we lived in the same city as all of our family - St. Louis, MO. So we had both sets of grandparents, great-grandparents, all nearby, not to mention extended family beyond blood ties.

When Quinn died we moved to the Pacific Northwest (the Seattle area) and we have plans to move to BC, Canada once we are approved. So this baby will not have any family anywhere closer than a thousand miles away. My mother is getting to be too frail to travel and we don't expect DH's parents to travel up here too much, as their other son is in New Orleans and they already divide their time between NO and FL and MO. Add WA and they'll always be traveling - so maybe they'll be coming up once a year. DH's sister also lives in MO, as do most of my family. And because his sister and brother also have families of their own, travelling up here isn't likely.

I think we'll miss being able to have a sitter nearby - I only really feel comfortable with family taking care of our son, no matter how wonderful our friends are. And we'll miss family events every holiday, because we've both grown up with that.

But we do feel like this is where we need to be, and we are happy with our choice. And once a year when we can, we'll go and visit St. Louis.

My Mom and Dad are 2 hours away in the warm months, so we can and do visit them often during the summer, but it's a lot of work to get packed and travel for so many weekends. My Sister lives near Mom and Dad, so we see her, but less often--she is also skeptical of some of my 'crunchiness', and I don't need the criticism/attitude she gives. Her grown kids--my Niece and Nephew--are close to my age. We basically grew up as siblings in a lot of ways, but they are now both living on the W. coast, so we rarely see them, and I miss them and my 7yo Grand niece, dd's only close cousin.

DH's family is in FL, and my parents also go there for the winters. The only good thing about that is that they live about 20 minutes from each other and get along, so we can visit both at the same time when we have to travel.

I wish we had some of the day-to-day contact that so many families do. It would be good to get a break and to have other family that could care for dd here and there for a few hours, help each other with household tasks, etc. I do wonder if we would go if we had a lot of daily family contact, though.

I fit the bill!

DH is Navy so we move around a lot. My dad lives in SC with my 1 sister, My mother lives somewhere I can't keep up with her movings and we only talk about once maybe twice a year (she still doesn't even know I've had another baby). DH's parents live in KC with his 1 brother. HIs half sister lives in OK I think with her 2 kids but she is pretty much outcasted from the family.

I see my dad once a year but DH parents fly in several times a year (the benefit of fil working for AA). My sister will most likely never have children and while I think DH lil bro would make a great daddy I have doubts he will ever have children either.

So my children won't have any cousins. They do have a loving aunt (my sis) and cool uncle (bil) but they only get to see them once a year, not optimal for building a string family foundation. And as long as we are Navy we will never live near either of our families.

But we have built our own little community with likeminded families and children near their age so I don't feel they are suffering. I do wish we could have the strong extended family bonds as I feel like I am missing out on lol