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Am I the only one (albeit a first-time momma) who is starting to worry about how I'm going to make all of this work?
I am a recent law school graduate working at a one year position which doesn't pay the bills-- and that's after my and my husband's student loans have been deferred. I am due in June, and this position ends in August. I don't yet have anything lined up for after that but should be fairly marketable. My husband is having difficulty finding work and is also in school part-time. He may also be staying home with the baby, once he/she arrives.
How am I going to make this work without further increasing my scary credit card debt? And if I have to charge my life for a month or two to get real maternity leave, is that such a bad thing? Then I would have to buy Cobra too...
And I am trying to figure out how to swing purchasing maternity clothes considering I work in a professional environment, and how to make sure we have what we need when the baby comes.
I keep trying to reduce expenditures, but so many of our bills are fixed now that there is little else I can do. I some savings that I hope to use as a cushion, but it doesn't feel like enough.
I'm scared. Am I the only one?
 

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You have no idea...I feel completely unprepared financially, but somewhere deep down I know we will be okay.

I once heard a line..."kids aren't expensive, lifestyles are" So true. I just I had the luxury of being a sahm for a couple of years.
 

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: Hate to burst your bubble- its not a luxury- its a want, a choice, and sacrafice and a true dedication. Also its 24/7 and more.

My "luxury" took years in the planning. It was something we decided on before we started a family and worked towards that goal from the day we were married.
Its very expensive to stay home too. I am not talking about lifestyle either. DH and I figure this will cost us about 300K in our retirement over a lifetime w interest and growth etc. But I would gladly give a million or more to stay w dd and my next.

But, we worked on it from day 1. We bought our home almost 10 years ago when we were 24. We qualified on DH's salary at that time (which is much less than now) It has more than doubled in value plus what we put into this home remodeling. We have zero debt with exception to our mortgage which is less than 15 % of our income. We own our two cars and have a large retirement for our age bracket. We continue to contribute to it monthly.
We do not eat out a lot. We do not take annual vacations like we did in BC (before child), we are not spenders on silly things. We figured out 5 years ago how much it would cost for me to continue working. We would net maybe $1000 a month- 12K a year is not worth it. We keep things to a minimum and are creative. We also did all the work on this house ourselves.

So yes, its a luxury if you look at it as a reward for all the work I did to get it. But I look at it as a neccesary piece in our life. Our luxury of me being w dd 24/7 with no time off, holidays, OT pay, comp days, expense accounts, bonuses, (see- had this in my previous job) and now my workload will double soon as well as responsiblities and no raise in the future.

This is how we did it at age 30, we started at age 24.

I guess you thinking that SAHM is a luxury is like me thinking- whats you fuss you live in Maui, its a vacation paradise?? That would be pretty stupid on my part kwim?
 

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Being a SAHM is a tough job. We, too, planned for it and saved and saved. We also bought our home 5 years ago and do a lot of things ourselves. We don't go out much and we try to find fun things to do for free.

It was a decision we made and it was the right one for our family. I wouldn't trade anything for the time I have with DD for all the money in the world. Yes it is hard work, but well worth it.

And I agree there is no luxury in working inside the home. Dh wonders how I do it.

And Amys1st, well said
!
 

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Well, it would be a luxury for us since I am the primary $$ maker. Dave is going to be a SAHD (with the exception of the organic farming, where our child can come along)...I just wish I could be there too.

And as far as cutting back...not much more we could cut back on. I guess I could get rid of the internet, but that's my only real unnecessary bill each month.

We don't own a home (never will be able to here), only go on vacation when we are given free airline tickets, grow most of the food we eat, even participate in making the fuel for my car (100% biodiesel).

I didn't mean to insult...
 

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Well if I worried all the time about "making it work" thats all that I would think about. Basically, everything works out in the end! You will find a way to make it work, whether it be you eating mac and cheese the rest of your life or not. Look for help where you can get it. Will you be having a baby shower? Most of out main baby stuff came from our shower, as well as gifts. Discount stores also have great baby stuff at low costs...figure you have 9 months to get a little at a time to stretch the costs a little. Heck, the holidays are coming, make that your wish list is things for the baby or things you might need in the upcoming future. Also dont be afraid to ask for help. You might qualify for state assistance, whether it be for medical insurance (which can be a HUGE cost) or even small food items. If you have family and friends Im sure they will be willing to help. I have a wonderful friend who is thrilled for me and knows our money situation is tight....and our family was not over welcoming over the idea of the new baby because of it. She has been so wonderful and has already started to spoil this little one rotten. So see....basically where there is a will there is a way. You dont need the expensive stroller/diaperbag/sling etc etc. The cheap knock offs work just as well on a budget. Good luck....I know we will all need it.....all the money in the world doesnt matter...all your little one needs is you and your love
 

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Selesai, I totally understand your concerns, as they are mine also. Staying home isn't on the list of choices for me, as I have student loan bills each month of about 1K. (probably about the same as yours!) I run my own business, and if I take too much time off, there will be no business for me to go back to. I only work part time now, and plan on going back to working less, but hope to find a way to make as much money as I'm making now. I know after paying my student loans, and the nanny, the money I'll take home will be next to nothing, but I love my job, love my business, love my patients and am proud of my profession.
I know one way or another it will work out... we're planning on selling one of our cars soon (esp since my hubby has a new job that he rides his bike to work!)but don't have many other extras we can cut out.
One thing I'm hoping for is some sort of Nanny share.
i have several friends with children who also work part time, and would love to share costs there.
As far as maternity clothes, I'd start looking for consignment shops soon... the more often you look, the better deals you'll find.
 

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Popping in (*lol* I typed two o's instead of two p's the first time . . . oh, I'm tired) . . . we hit some pretty big, unexpected financial crunches in my second trimester with Q last year. I started to really freak out about how we'd manage after she was born if this was what we were facing before she even arrived. I assumed I'd have to go back to work, too.

I've come to learn that it really is a lifestyle choice, not having a baby, that makes things expensive. Babies don't need a lot, especially newborns. She needed me. My comfort, my milk, my warmth. That was about it.

Maternity clothes and baby clothes are easy to come by, because they're used for such a short amount of time. I got some fantastic brand-new or nearly so professional maternity clothes at Goodwill for $1-$7 each. Baby clothes at Goodwill are usually $1 apiece. Between friends who'd had babies within the past couple of years and AP mamas I've met since, I've been able to borrow more maternity and baby clothes than I could ever use -- they basically have a big ol' lending circle where they put their initials on the tags and just pass everything around until they need it again. They save on storage space and everyone saves money. And that doesn't even count gifts from the grandmas and aunts. . . .

Our baby shower covered just about everything else. We paid most of our doula fee that way, thanks to family, and friends got us most of our cloth diapers and wipes, our slings, a baby bath tub, our first car seat, MORE clothes, some toys, and a basic care kit (nose bulb, digital thermometer, etc.). Even if they hadn't, though, most of these things could be gotten cheaply at sales, borrowed from other mamas, or gently used. (The only thing you never want to get used is a car seat unless you absolutely know where it's been and how it was treated! Ours was used, but from very close, very safety-conscious friends whose son outgrew it in 8 weeks [BIG baby!], so it was barely used and we knew it hadn't been in an accident.)

Many states have health care for minors that is either free or very, very cheap depending on your income. That would cover well-baby visits and a certain level of unexpected medical costs should they arise.

WIC is also a good option for grocery aid. It's nothing to be ashamed of. We could have afforded food, but not without rearranging other bills and how timely we paid them, so WIC gave us the cushion we needed to meet our nutritional needs without sacrifice (beyond the bill-paring we had already done to get down to our minimal needs). It's especially valuable if one or both of you is changing jobs or going on maternity leave, just to get you through that hump (that's what we used it for, as dh looked for and started a new job).

I didn't go back to work as I'd planned after Q was born. We might be losing out on retirement savings, but in the immediate, we're saving money. DH was able to get a higher-paying job than I would be able to right now, we save big time on not paying for daycare, I spend less on gas, parking, food, etc., and it was just easier for me to be home with Q (hormonally, for breastfeeding, in terms of our attachment, etc.). I've found that being at home, I'm better able to monitor our expenditures, we spend less on "convenience" items, and I have the time to research and get our bigger (and smaller) purchases at the best deals rather than just getting the whatever fits our schedules and takes the least energy. Those little savings add up.

It's normal to be scared, but just know that you have options!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Asana Mama~
Well, it would be a luxury for us since I am the primary $$ maker. Dave is going to be a SAHD (with the exception of the organic farming, where our child can come along)...I just wish I could be there too.

I didn't mean to insult...
Like I said, not a luxury, but a choice. If there is a will- there is a way. If you want that for you baby- it can happen but you have to make it happen. Besides, Dad will be home which is great. But keep in mind what DH will be doing - its hard enough to work in my garden with a baby or a tot much less a whole farm.

But I did not take it as an insult- I considered the source- you are still in BC (before child) and your're still thinking in BC. I actually LOL when I read that you thought it was a luxury. If it is, pass me the bons bons since I did not get any today! Also you're starting a bit later than some at the mama thing so it might be even harder for you to catch on to what is a luxury and what is not.

Believe me, you will figure out luxury real quick- fast forward to when your baby is 4 months old and your back at work and trying to sneak away to pump. When you come home that day and ask DH why the organic farm is seeding over when he could have took the baby with him. You will also realize luxury when you then ask him what in the world he did all day since it did not get done. If you have a problem with his answer, you will realize luxury when you're a single parent and no help at all.

Am I being insulting? No, I am being honest!! Real honest
Welcome to the Real Mommy World.
 

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After reading this thread a couple of times...I have to say something.

First if all, everyone is different. Everyone makes choices that may or may not be the same as those around them.

I can relate to being stressed out about finances. I have been "home" since I had my first child in 1999. During this time, I have done many things to make extra money. ie: do all the books for my dh's business, being an active doula/childbirth educator, etc...However, my primary purpose is taking care of my children, home and my very hard working dh.

Now...there are a few other things that are REAL concerns for dh & I.
This is our FIFTH pregnancy. We have two living children, two losses. One being my last pregnancy, our daughter, who died 6 hours after her birth at 37 weeks. And no, we didn't know this was going to happen.

So yah....I think it is very REAL to be somewhat concerned. Am I obsessed that this baby will die too? No, actually I am not. To be honest, I feel very confident that this baby will be born ALIVE, healthy and live....

Another REAL concern is that my dh is 50 is December. He is healthy, active, etc....but he would like to retire in the next 10 years. So it is like we work double time to save here, put away there...so that he can do this. Not only for himself, but for US....

The reality is that, YES, staying home can be done...but it is not for everyone. Not everyone has had the "luxury" of getting a college degree. Not everyone has the "luxury" of owning a car, let alone two. Not everyone has the luxury of owning a home. Not everyone has the luxury to eat organic foods. I could go on and on....

I do agree that there is a choice involved in being a SAHM or WAHM. Either choice isn't easy.

And then there is the lovely statement made by Amys1st... "Am I being insulting? No, I am being honest!! Real honest Welcome to the Real Mommy World."

I don't recall anyone asking for YOUR sarcasm. You have been hurtful, self-centered and demeaning to the others in this thread. How dare you treat them as if they are "under" you because they haven't walked this path, yet.
I do believe that the PP came here for support and encouragement.

But then again, from your user name "Amys1st" and that is your name right, Amy? I presume that you are always right in your home. I presume that you are first in your family....
Because you wouldn't have it any other way, now would you?
 

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Wow, thank you Have Wool...those comments really upset me all day and I even told dh about it, and the fact that I thought it was very disrespectful to the PP.

I even looked up the definition of luxury = something conducive to pleasure and comfort.

Is not staying home with your child a source of pleasure? Is not knowing that you won't miss out on their first smile, laugh, step a comfort to you?

I know luxury...I have the luxury of being pregnant right now leaving a message board behind with woman who are so desparate to be in my shoes. I have the luxury of the most incredible human being to be at my side each morning and night. I have the luxury of knowing how to be self sufficient. But, most important, I have the luxury of love in my heart that I cannot wait to share with my child.

Now...all I need is the luxury of milk in my breasts (which I've had 2 friends recently who haven't) to physically nuture my child.

The rest will come...
 

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I agree, Thanks Jackie for saying something. I felt insulted and offended by that post also.

Jo, I agree, I feel that being pregnant is a luxury for me, after two years of infertility, and leaving all of those women that I love, and adore behind.

The choice to go back to work, whether it's because you need to to pay the bills, or because you want to cause you love your life work doesn't make you any less of a parent. It's just a different choice, and shouldn't be judged so harshly.
 

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i totally can understand your concerns. They were mine aswell when i became pregnant with our first child. Who is now 5.
At the time DH and i were living carefree life. We both worked under the table. (pay no taxes) we travelled alot and pretty much had nothing. (but we loved it) When i gave birth we lived in a tiny one bedroon house, that tilted to the right. I recievd no maternity leave(becasue of under the table work) and a month after ds was born. (a month before christmas) Dh lost his job. (no unemployment again becasue we worked under the table) We had no savings. So everyday dh would get his tools together get on his bike (no car) and ride around different construction sites asking if he could work for the day for cash. He managed to work every day and eventually found a full time job through one of these.
I have been a stay at home mum for 5 years. And with our third child on the way i will be at home for another 5 it seems..I know for us we wanted someone to stay at home with the kids. So we sacrificed ALOT, but for us we've never been happier. Once you start living on one salary you realize how much money you didn't really need before. For us personally it would cost more to put the kids in day care than i would make at my job.
All of our baby stuff were hand me downs from friends and family. I found lots of maternity clothes at second hand stores. They are always in good conditon becasue of how little they are worn. I never buy new kids clothes..ever. I buy everything second hand.
Everything gets alot easier to think about once the baby arrives and you just have to do what you have to do, what ever that may be.
Jus so you know, this is my third child..and i still worry about money issues form time to time.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by HaveWool~Will Felt
And then there is the lovely statement made by Amys1st... "Am I being insulting? No, I am being honest!! Real honest Welcome to the Real Mommy World."

I don't recall anyone asking for YOUR sarcasm. You have been hurtful, self-centered and demeaning to the others in this thread. How dare you treat them as if they are "under" you because they haven't walked this path, yet.
I do believe that the PP came here for support and encouragement.

But then again, from your user name "Amys1st" and that is your name right, Amy? I presume that you are always right in your home. I presume that you are first in your family....
Because you wouldn't have it any other way, now would you?
How dare I? That was not sarcasm. I have not been hurtful or anything to anyone. I do not feel that I put anyone under me either nor would I ever.
If you knew me from other threads, you would know that. Also,How dare you speak to me that way.
Furthermore, my name (not that I owe you an explanation btw) came from 4 years ago when I first started talking to other prgnt mamas and it was my 1st prgncy so it was Amy's first. Several other amams had that kind of name too.
Also your presumtions are digusting and will not get any other comment.
 

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I think when everybody but you is taking your comments differently than you apparently meant them, you shouldn't get so pissy at being misinterpreted.

That said, we also have financial concerns - this is a quasiplanned pregnancy, but DH is expecting to quit his job within a couple of months after the baby is born to finish his degree. I can cover most of the bills on my salary, but childcare is going to be *the* issue for us! He's going for a master's degree so it should be at least 2-3 years, which will take us right up to kindergarten for son #1. I'll be in a position to get a promotion at the end of next year, but it's not a guarantee. If I think about it too much, I'll freak, so I don't think about it
Our position will be difficult, but not so precarious that we'll end up on the street, no matter what happens...I definitely agree that things tend to work themselves out. I've already realized that the timing of this baby, which initially wasn't the plan, will work much better for me being able to take the class I need for my promotion, as well as the bonus of not being hugely pregnant while trying to take tests and do interviews with a panel of strange fire officers!
 
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