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We have 5 kids and my husband has a good enough income, but his bro. & wife both work and make a lot of money. They give our kids cash for b'days and Xmas, more than we spend on our own kids. We don't believe kids should get $50 bills because it may make them greedy and we can't afford to give their kids that kind of money, (we also have my sister's 5 kids to shop for.) We've asked his brother to not give the kids that much money, but they won't stop and short of taking it out of the kids hands and giving it back or not seeing my BIL and SIL, we don't know what to do. Any advice? What can we do or say to make them understand how important this is to us without offending them?<br><br>
~Amanda<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/confused.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Confused">:
 

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I think that you are not obliged to spend more than you can afford and think is reasonable on gifts for your BIL's kids, regardless of what he and his wife spend on your kids.<br><br>
If someone continued to give my kids lots of money in spite of my requests to not spend so much on them, I'd teach my kids to accept the gift with joy and gratitude.<br><br>
If you don't like the idea of your kids having access to so much money, you could have them put into savings half of all money they're given, and keep the rest to spend over a period of time (or on a big item they've been wanting). You could also have the kids pool their money once a year for something they all would enjoy.<br><br>
HTH!
 

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Man that stinks to keep putting you on the spot like that. Maybe make a rule with the kids that any gift money over say, ten dollars per occasion goes in their college fund. Make sure the kids understand before the occasion. Then when the money comes you DO take it. Right in front of the giver. And say "Super! We all love to see little Susies college fund grow!" Now the cash is no longer the greatest gift EVER (total freedom! Get WHATEVER you want!) it is the worst gift ever... from a kids viewpoint it's practically an UNGIFT. Maybe the change will make a difference.
 

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Want to add that I don't think being given expensive gifts/large sums of money in and of itself will make kids greedy! Also, it's a thrill at any age to have your very own money to spend on something you really want.<br><br>
The parents' day-to-day attitudes toward money/spending will have a far greater impact than any gift giving.<br><br>
Having your own money is a great way to learn how to be a careful consumer. At one time it seemed that my ds spent every spare penny on Pokemon cards. Then one day the craze fizzled. He wanted a new bike, and we showed him the pile of cards he'd accumulated and estimated how much he'd spent on them. He learned an important lesson about fads/marketing ploys/saving when he realized he could have had the bike of his dreams if he'd saved his money over time.
 

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I agree with nomadmom.<br><br>
Also think the money was given to the child not the parent so IMO it shouldnt be taken away and put into an account. If the child agrees to it after the parents diccussing it with them that would be differant. Taking the money away from them IMO is more likely to make the child greedy.<br><br>
I see that money as an opportunity to to save for the item they really want. Something that maybe the parent would not be able to afford.<br><br>
I just dont see anything wrong with it.
 

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Perhaps another option is having them send the money to you before their birthday etc and you can shop for them and wrap the gifts, and put the remainder in a college fund?
 

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I agree you can take it as a lesson to teach finances. Have them put 1/3 in savings, 1/3 to charity and 1/3 to spend as they wish. That way your BIL and SIL get to give as they feel appropriate, but your kids don't go nuts, either.<br><br>
Regardless of what BIL and SIL do for their gifts, you are not obligated to match, just give as you normally would.
 

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We got gifts like that when we were kids & $50 was worth more back then. My parents were very grounded in a financial sense & we never got "greedy" because of it. Quite often we'd save for something really special or put it in an account. We were always gracious & learned to appreciate what others gave us.<br>
I love when my kids get cash because then we do something really special that we otherwise couldn't afford & it's a great treat for everyone.
 

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I think it's wonderful that your family is so generous! What a wonderful oppurtunity this could be to teach your children about responsible money saving and spending habits! If you really feel strongly that it is too much, why not make a suggestion of a savings bond or other investment?
 

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I am a firm believer that no gift is too big or too small. Regaurdless of the girt we should be teach our children to respond gratefully and enjoy the gift. This is just as imoportant with large gifts as with small ones. I htink it is rude to ever tell someone that thier gift is not welcome. Outsideof my mom I only offer suggestions if people ask. And it has been my experiance (as someone who has recieved lavish gifts and sometimes is fortnate enough to give a little more than is customary) is that they don't expect reciprocation. After a year or two they relized they were not going to recieve $50 for thier kids./ If they had a problem or were ofended your children would have stopped recieving that as a gift. let them do this. They feel they are really treating your children. and they are. what a great gift. let them give it. they are teaching your children a valuble lesson about being a good reciever.<br><br>
We started choosing for them to put most/all of thier money in the bank when they were toddlers (when you are 2, money is money and $2 is just as good as $200 so long as it is in your pocket :LOL) Of course the ladies at the bank were great at reinforcing the fact that putting your money in the bank was just as fun as putting it elsewhere. Penicils, ballons, candy, praise and attention. Going to the bank was a big fun deal.<br><br>
This year when Lily got $50 for her birthday we discussed what she wanted to buy, did she want to save some, spend some onher sisters etc. . . She wanted a crib, a rubber girl and some little people stuff. SHe didn't have enough. SHe bought the crib (which we later found at sames club for a 1/3 of the price <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes">: ) and rubber girls for her and her sister. and saved $10. These are things she has wanted for a long time but I wasn't going to buy her. It was a hiuge treat for her to not just to get new toys, but to say, I wanted this and waited patiently for it. to go to the toy store and have some control over what she was buying and have to make the descision of which item was more important.<br><br>
If you know the money is comeing talk to your child before it gets there about what they might want to spend it on. Perhaps they would like to treat a friend to a movie, or have a sleep over where they get to plan it and buy yhe party supplies. Perhaps she would like to get a small pet. $50 would just about set you up tight with hermit crabs, fish or a hampster. Also that is about enough to buy a new outfit. You may really pride yourself on you good clearance deals or thrift shopping but it is also nice to go to a store and pick out something just for you. what you want intead of what is available and again to have some measure of control over what you buy. It is just nice to feel I boiught this wehith my money. I made this choice and did this myself.<br>
Also talk to your child about what they could get if they saved for another year or two. It isn't that long to wait. They could get something really cool with $150. After putting it in the bank for a couple of years they may decide they just want to keep saving for a few more years.
 
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