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Discussion Starter #1
okay to start with my stbx NEVER spends more than he has to ABSOLUTELY has to on Caleb. he never spends any of his money on me (this is since we got married in July) now we filed our taxes (we're getting approximately $530 back) and he wanted me to pay his phone bill for this month ($70) and his van payment ($100).<br><br>
I said I would try but it has been so long since I have been able to get the *little* things we all need that I have pretty much spent all our taxes since he said to spend it on the boys. I have to pay $100 for staying here and MY phone bill which is also $70 (we have the same carrier). I told him that I didn't think I would have enough since I have to pay my bills and I still have to buy Cayden's diapers. He told me to use disposables. I told him that I don't have the money to keep buying disposables and i still haven't managed to find a job at which point he said:<br><br>
"well don't expect me to support you too. You have NO REASON to not get a job...and I don't make enough to support both of us."<br><br>
now this really hurt and offended me as i'm nearly 26wks pregnant. I told him that and he said I should apply for ADC since i'm too lazy to get a *real* job. and then he just kept going on and on about how he wanted to use his next check and the check after fixing up the van so he could sell it so he could get a ford escort (a tiny car) and how he still needs socks and underwear and more pants and shirts etc etc. and I just feel like crying. He thinks that i should be able to support Caleb and Cayden (which doesn't bother me) and I should also give him money when he blows his paychecks on stupid stuff. which does bother me since he left me at the WORST time. and I've filled out at least half a dozen applications and always the same thing happens I ask for an application and the person (whoever it is) looks at my belly and back at my face and says "i think we've filled the position but you can apply anyways" it is so discouraging.<br><br>
I feel bad about it cuz i DID say i'd pay it but with him not giving me any money for Caleb for so long and needing new diapers for Caleb (since Cayden will use them as well) and MY OWN bills (I still owe $180 to the college) I really don't have any extra. I just wish he could understand that. I guess it's too much for him.<br><br>
sry if this makes no sense It just really bothered me. oh also i had him stop at the atm so i could get some money out for milk and he pulled up and i told him that i didn't want to offend him but i'm not giving him my PIN and he acted all mad then too. and he keeps referring to the tax money as *my taxes* just cuz he was the only one that worked (i did but got paid under the table) <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:
 

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Yeah, if he's working why are you paying his bills? Why shouldn't he support his children? Why does he think a pregnant woman has a chance in h*ll of getting a job? Why doesn't he grow up?
 

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It's time to cut him off and start taking care of yourselves. You need to buy whatever you need to buy for you and your little one(s) and never mind about him. You must do what you need to do for yourselves. You are on your own now and he is going to have to pay his own bills, work to support his kids, etc. Take care of yourselves because now it's up to you.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MaWhit</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Are you still living together?</div>
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nope. he moved in with his best friend. who he gets all his relationship advice and who's longest *relationship* was 2mos.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>the sunshine</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Yeah, if he's working why are you paying his bills? Why shouldn't he support his children? Why does he think a pregnant woman has a chance in h*ll of getting a job? Why doesn't he grow up?</div>
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he's such a jerk and everytime something like this happens i'm just reminded of it. he wants me to pay his bills so he can *play* with his money! aargh.
 

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Say no. Try not to get drawn into arguments with him about it -- easier said than done, I know! It's not your place to pay his bills. Are you in the process of getting divorced? (Sorry, I can't remember <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> ). He should be paying child support if you're legally separated (shouldn't he?!). Do you have anyone helping you in terms of legal advice?<br><br>
Good luck mama. Stay strong and keep putting your babies and yourself first. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

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Trust me to cut it off now and let him fend for himself.<br><br>
My ex is like that and everytime I've been nice or helped him out.....it just leads him to want more and more and more.<br><br>
My ex makes about $68 K per year. My income last year was $700. He complains because he only gets one tropical vacation per year. I couldn't even afford the dental work I needed. He cries the blues about the amount of child support and about having to pay his lawyer for the divorce and expects me to pay half. With what?????<br><br>
I am good with money, he sucks. He blows it all. I make wise choices. And he continues to expect that I will 'help him out'.<br><br>
I have stopped and it feels good. I have sent him letters saying straight and to the point that I will not pay for the divorce, I will not allow him to stiff the kids with child support etc. He makes his choices, he can live with the consequences.<br><br>
I thought I was being 'nice' for a long time. Reality is, I was being used.<br><br>
He won't stop until you stop.
 

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It sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do.From the way he's talking to you about how he needs underwear, etc., yet he's going to spend his next two paychecks on his van, it sounds like he's looking for a *mommy* to cover his needs while he blows his money on his wants. Like a not-so-subtle hint that he expects you to do this for him. Thing is, you have two <span style="text-decoration:underline;">actual</span> babies who need underwear (diapers) <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: .<br><br>
Good for you for using cloth diapers <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> , for so many reasons! The reason most relevant to this conversation is that, especially with two kids, you'll be saving a lot of money over the long run <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> !<br><br>
In some of your other posts you've mentioned that you love him as a friend and want to help him as a friend. Sometimes the best thing a friend can do is allow the other person to learn the hard lesson and take full responsibility for their actions. He's a big boy who had an integral part in creating two little boys and he needs to step up to the plate and provide for them.
 

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ITA with Maybelle!! You really need to give him some "tough love" - a friendship with the ex is great, but you should hold him to the same standards you would with any other friend. Would you allow a close girlfriend to treat you that way? I'm guessing no. He's the father of your children, he should be providing for them or AT THE VERY LEAST not giving you crap for using community money (tax return) to provide for them yourself.<br><br>
I hope things start going in your favor soon. I was pregnant with my oldest and looking for a job at the same time and it was HELL<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> and I didn't have little ones at home to consider. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> If I think of anything that may help, I'll definitely post it.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
he called this morning asking for $150 out of the tax money and when i reiterated (again) that i had JUST enough to pay for rent here ($100) my phone bill next month ($70) and what I owe the college ($180) I will have JUST ENOUGH for Cayden's diapers. he keeps saying "use disposables" I just want to punch him. I told him I'd give him half but i'm not going to.<br><br><br>
every time I see him the more GLAD I am that we're over. at the same time it makes me sad. I told my sister tho that I can barely afford to raise Caleb and Cayden I didn't want to have to raise Roland too! I wish I didn't have to deal with him anymore ugh.<br><br>
we're not yet in the process of divorce and the process for a legal separation is exactly the same so rather pointless. my medicaid caseworker referred my case to child support enforcement but i've been told it can take 3-6 mos for them to even START doing anything. i just want to scream.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>CalebsMama05</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">my medicaid caseworker referred my case to child support enforcement but i've been told it can take 3-6 mos for them to even START doing anything. i just want to scream.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"><b><i>That</i></b> really sucks. I'm sorry. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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Go file for child support. You can do that as soon as you separate - you don't have to be divorced! And quit giving him money!
 
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