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One of my SIL's has a pretty dreadful financial history. She married at age 21 against her parents' wishes and over the years with her now-ex-husband, accrued major cc debt, car loans/leases, negative home equity (despite gifts from both families in the tens of thousands of dollars and increasing home values in their city). The "official" story is that it was all her DHs doing, that she just wasn't aware of the situation and had nothing to do with the "purse strings" in the household. She was a SAHM (like her own mom). ExH is regularly and viciously demonized as a miscreant, scoundrel, cheater, abuser - you name it, he's been called it.<br><br>
I have been struggling, since her financial problems boiled over in 2001, to understand a) how someone could allow themselves to be excluded from matters so crucial to survival, and b) why her ostrich-approach to money is considered, by her parents, to be blameless.<br><br>
She _still_ is living beyond her means: my in-laws paid all of the legal fees for her divorce and bankruptcy, and they pay a big chunk of her living expenses every month. I don't begrudge them their right to financially support their daughter, I just don't understand it, since they badmouth ExH all the time for his "bad decisions".<br><br>
I'm not saying all bankruptcies are a result of irresponsible behavior (and I believe many are not), but I think her and her ExH's bankruptcy was. I don't understand why both _adult_ _partners_ in the bankruptcy are not held equally responsible for its occurence.
 

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Both your SIL and your in-laws get some sort of emotional benefit by keeping the situation and delusions as is. For the sake of your own sanity, I'd just sigh at their folly and keep your eyes on your own paper, so to speak.<br><br>
Obsessing about SIL won't bring you any satisfaction and can only serve to cause problems with your in-laws. Resentment that is fed by obesession has a way of slipping out. Just be glad her brother isn't the same way!
 

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I can understand how you feel - my brother has been irresponsible and taken advantage of my parents. Though he doesn't have an exhusband to blame it on. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
As a parent, I can imagine its tempting to blame issues like that on someone else because otherwise you might have to consider whether it was your parenting.
 
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