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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I know know... disengage... but ugh! He gets in so easy!<br><br>
When I dropped DD off this morning he asked me if I put up something on my facebook that said, "domestic violence week… just in time." And of course I didn't! So I'm like wtf?! Who is saying this? He wouldn't tell me but then told me it's messed up that I think I've been through domestic violence at all because I'm not a battered woman he has never hit me. I said domestic violence covers verbal and emotional abuse too.<br><br>
To which he said that I'm crazy for thinking bickering is verbal and emotional abuse and with my line of thinking then every American must be abused because everyone bickers.<br><br>
He said lots of people are going to him and telling him about all the trash I'm talking.<br><br>
I'm freaking stumped how he is getting this information because the only people who know outside my parents are people that I'm close with that do not even know STBX. So wtf?<br><br>
The only thing I can guess is that his counselor told him about the police report and he has just been spinning all kinds of stuff from that to add to the crazy making game he plays with me?<br><br>
But why would his counselor tell him that?
 

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Somehow I doubt a professional compromised your safety by telling him about your police report.<br><br>
He is making stuff up to anger you. My STBX lied all the time and I caught him in lies. He is just trying to get a reaction from you because he needs the attention. He can't get it so he is lashing out. Don't give it to him and he will eventually get bored and stop. Wow, amazing how some of these abusers remind me so much of my students when they pick on each other on the playground!!
 

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I agree that he's probably just making stuff up (and some of it may just happen to be true for you, coincidentally). I have heard the same lines... the same exact ones... I wonder if there is a textbook that abusers memorize, I swear they are all the same....<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Just... don't talk to him, if possible. Just walk away. He is trying to get a rise out of you & once he realizes he can't, he'll stop driving you bonkers...
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Well, the counselor said something to him before that could have jeopardized my safety so it wouldn't really surprise me... that's why I had filed a complaint with her manager.<br><br>
But how else could he have known about the police report and that I said he threatened to hit me?<br><br>
It's so weird that he would figure that out?
 

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Well I guess I don't know all the backstory but did you file a report and press charges? Maybe the police or his counselor told him he was being charged with something? Or maybe the counselor brought up the issue of him being abusive to try to get him to see how wrong his actions are?<br><br>
Can you get a restraining order against him? That was a life-saver for me (literally & figuratively), if he got within a certain distance of me or tried to contact me it would be a criminal offense & he'd be arrested (which sadly happened more than once...)
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I didn't press charges... I just wanted it documented. They gave me an option of petitioning a judge for a PFA but I didn't want to go that route as I wanted to try to work things out civially with STBX.<br><br>
If I can ignore his crap... it may be okay... he will eventually let it go. He did with DSD's Mom.<br><br>
As someone else pointed out, and what I already know about him... he is a serial monogomer... he needs a partner, likely so he can stay in the drama and use the control to make himself feel better.<br><br>
I'm sure it won't be long before he finds someone else to torment, unfortunately for her. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug">
 

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Couldn't he have called the police to see what you reported? I don't know if they can or can't give out such information to the person named in the complaint.<br><br>
But I agree with everyone else. He's just trying to keep you engaged in the drama. I'm so glad you are seeing him clearly for who he really is. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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Its actually typical abusive behavior! He is denying your reality, the one that says that verbal and emotional abuse are ABUSE.<br><br>
They all use the same crap - I didn't actually HIT you, there for you are not abused.<br><br>
Keep strong mama and stop talking to him about anything other than the kids and their schedule.
 

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Oh hey! My AP told me that too - the whole facebook thing. He accused me of putting this or that on facebook so that everyone could see...blah blah. It's all just part of his paranoia. He came over two days ago and I actually went through my friend's list and then showed him how facebooks works and what I'd been posting (since he didn't know - he's not at all computer-minded). His grandiosity collapsed like a wet flan as I went through my friend's list and told him where I knew everyone from...I think he realized that his accusations were founded on nothing. I have the tamest facebook page ever, for the most part...haha!<br><br>
Sounds like your OH and mine ought to get together for a chat. They'd have a ton in common. Maybe they could be house-mates...that is, if your OH could deal with excessive drinking. Haha! Oh dear. Naughty me. Anyway well, that sounded so familiar I just had to respond! XXXXX
 
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