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Just more stories about dd and I making our way through the maze of adoptive family life <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/innocent.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shy">.<br><br>
Last night dd seemed sort of out of sorts, bothered by something. She was playing in the living room while I read when she came over, stood in front of me and announced "I want to go home."<br><br>
"You feel like you want to go home?"<br>
"Yes!"<br>
"Someplace different than our home here?"<br>
"Yes. I want to go back to where I was when I was a tiny baby."<br>
"Oh, you want to go back to China?"<br>
"Yes." (Heavy pause, then, almost defiantly) "That's my REAL home!"<br><br>
(Think fast. I'm fairly certain this phrasing and her concern are stemming from something she heard at school or from friends. This isn't typical language for us at home)<br><br>
"That's right, honey. China was your real home. You were born there and you lived there. It's part of who you are forever."<br>
(Puzzled) "But...is this my real home?"<br>
"Of course, sweetheart. We're a family and I was your mama when you were one year old. And two years old. And three. And four. For all that time I've been your mama. And for a long, long time to come, too. That's never going to change. That's also part of who you are forever. All of that is real and are all parts of who Dd is."<br>
(relaxes) "Oh. Hey mama, can we watch a movie?"<br><br>
I'm often struck by how prevalent these ponderings are for dd, and I feel so compelled to try to help her negotiate them in ways that help her to feel more assured and - I don't know - complete? I can't imagine kids having to grow up trying to deal with these thoughts and emotions without help, or even worse, feeling censured when they have tried to reach out for help.
 

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Wow. quick thinking, Mama! I'm going to have to store that one away for the day my DD does that!<br><br>
lisa
 

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I think you did beautifully, and I know you are glad that your daughter is so articulate. I know quite a few adoptive moms and few of them have these kind of conversations very often with their young children, not because they are not willing or open, but simply because for whatever reasons, the children aren't as expressive about their fears and worries (or maybe they don't have them - I don't know.)<br><br>
My daughter, as I have posted about periodically, is also a big thinker/feeler about various aspects of being adopted. The other day, we were talking with her about our plans to be in closer contact with her birth mother. My partner said, "Do you have anything you would like to know about or ask her?"<br><br>
DD: "Why couldn't she keep me?"<br>
Me: "Do you want to know anything else?"<br>
DD: "No."
 
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