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Anyone have a lack of a mom (of your own) - either by mom just not caring about you or by death - and fill this mom void with their adored mw?<br><br>
If so, how do you get through losing your mw after your last pp visit? That happened to me yesterday, and I am so incredibly sad.<br><br>
I adore my mw so much. If I could choose a mom for me, it would be her. She is the first mom substitute I have had. I wasn't really looking for a mom figure - at least consciously - and just thought I would never have a mom person in my life. But gradually through my pg, I fell in love with her. I told her yesterday that I will miss her so much, but I don't think she really knows how much or how sad I am. I've talked to her about my mom issues, but I stopped short of telling her I wish that she was my mom.<br><br>
If you have experienced this, what did you do? Should I talk to her and tell her everything? Will that just make her think I'm weird? Or should I do what my dh says and just try to forget about her? My dh says her role in my life is no more, so I can't keep a relationship with my mw. But I want to somehow.
 

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{{HUGS}} That sound so hard. I don't think you're all that unusual, though. I was talking to my midwife, whom I also adore but not really as a mother, and she mentioned that because her role is to take care of mothers and see them through the most vulnerable part of their lives, people start seeing her as their own mother. She says that it's not that she doesn't understand this, but that she doesn't (and can't) feel the same way back. That it's a business relationship and sometimes that can be forgotten. She tries to be gentle about it but it's hard to tell a patient that she just <i>can't</i> fill that role. That they are kind and supportive because that's their job and sometimes it gets emtionally tiring because they are always giving themselves.<br><br>
Perhaps your own midwife really does know how you feel, but in an effort to try to maintain the business relationship didn't say much? I don't think it would hurt to talk to her more in depth, as long as you let her know that you know she can't fill that role.<br><br>
My midwife is a homebirth midwife that works independently. One of the other ladies formed a "mama-baby" group that meets twice a month at our midwife's birth center. If your midwife has a similar setup, maybe you can start something similar? The group has allowed continuity with the MW since I still get to see her often. Plus, having a support group of new mamas always helps.
 

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Hugs Aga <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> During my first pregnancy my mother was not very present or interested...and I longed for a mother figure. So I tried very hard to reconnect with her as much as I could. Over time we cultivated a new connection again that was satisfying to us both.<br><br>
I can understand strong feelings of attachment to your midwife. My midwives for my second birth were so incredibly amazing and supportive. I didn't want to give them up, I loved having them be a part of my life. They truley changed my life and improved the situation for my whole family by helping me. I felt like they were my guardian angels. At the same time I know they have many mothers to care for and once it's over with me....it's over.... I had to permit myself to mourn their loss and move on. I tried to take my gratitude and pay it forward to my daughters and in other ways....to give others the kind of support they gave me (with my mental health issues). KWIM? It was a way of keeping that part alive.<br><br>
Sorry I'm rambling now. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 
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