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Discussion Starter #1
<span>In my family, gifts are a nice gesture, but not by any means expected. In husband's family however, gifts are obligatory.<br><br>
My MIL needs nothing, and everything I can think of getting her (the book she has been complaining about not coming in from the library fast enough for example) I can also hear her criticizing. She doesn't mean to, I don't think, she just doesn't think before she opens her mouth--or else whatever she thinks comes right out of her mouth--I'm not sure which.<br><br>
DH said to just get her a rose bush and be done with it, but I think gifts should be more special... Sigh.<br><br>
Any thoughts? Thank you!</span>
 

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I agree. Roses can be personal, if she has a favorite color you could get her a bush that blooms in that color.
 

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I say rose bush, too. I ordered flowers to be delivered for MIL - an they happened to be 18 assorted colors of roses.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
<span>Thank you! I guess I need to hear that. I agonize too much about stuff sometimes.</span>
 

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Yup, I agree with the others. It's your dh's mom, his say.<br><br>
I have no idea what dp got/is getting for his mom. I think he mentioned something about a pan or something from bed bath and beyond? That's his mom, not mine.<br><br>
I will, however, be interested in seeing how this mothers day goes. This will be my 3rd mothers day living here with dp. We've spend every one with his mom and his mom STILL complains that he never spends any time with her and she's so neglected and blah blah blah. Meanwhile, we'll go out to dinner with her and dp's dad and SHE will pick where to eat, SHE will pick what time we eat (and it's usually a stupid time that none of us 3 are hungry at), SHE will choose everything. I'll just be the third wheel <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> DP tries hard, and I know he'll do something with ds for me in the morning, so I try hard not to complain to him about it. But, seriously, I do not want to spend my mothers day with her (a lot of background goes into my harsh feelings towards her).<br><br>
Phew, sorry about venting in your thread <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Incidentally, I didn't mean roses aren't personal--it was just how he said it, kind of like the fall back gift.<br><br>
I do hope, Steph, your mother's day can be more about YOU this year!
 

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Hey, if somebody's going to grouse no matter what you do or what they get then IMO it's perfectly fine to have a fall back gift that you don't have to put much time, thought or effort in to. It's the grumpy person's fault that they're getting something that doesn't require thought and it's up to them to learn how to be more gracious when it comes to accepting and appreciating gifts given to them and the thought that went into it. And quite honestly, a rose bush is still a pretty darned nice "fall back gift".
 

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Expand on it for sort of a theme to match the bush -- have DC/s make or draw roses, get her a bookmark with roses, or I think the Post Office has sheets of stamps with a rose design.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MariaMadly</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15377282"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Expand on it for sort of a theme to match the bush -- have DC/s make or draw roses, get her a bookmark with roses, or I think the Post Office has sheets of stamps with a rose design.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that"><br><br>
A whole rose theme would be nice. You could also put a new pair of pruners and gardening gloves in a basket lined w/a rose-printed fabric. Maybe some rose food or whatever type of fertilizer roses need - don't do roses over here :) A book about rose bush upkeep, or a framed print of some roses. A rose stamp w/writing paper or note cards.<br><br>
I especially like the idea of dc drawing or even painting some roses - maybe frame that. Or they could make roses out of tissue paper w/pipe cleaner or popsicle stick stems. Glue them into a 'flower pot' and decorate - green tissue paper in the bottom for grass. I think I might use this idea.... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent"><br><br>
gl<br>
hth
 

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Discussion Starter #11
<span>Great ideas! And thank you for that freedom & encouragement to just take it easy so to speak.<br><br>
The last several years, I've made a really nice present, like a six sided puzzle w/ pics of the grandbabies or a scrapbook-ish framed collage, and while I <i>know</i> she appreciates them, she is quick to point out flaws & it's hard to not take that personally, or then feel bad about the whole thing.<br><br>
Hearing someone say "that's her problem" is really freeing and gives me some perspective! I really appreciate that!</span>
 

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I just had the same conversation with my dh last night. here is the back ground. My family does not do gifts (for any holiday), we spend time together. My dh's family expects gifts and they make a big deal about how "good" or "nice" the gift is. I have tried everything over the years to make MIL happy, handmade gifts, things I thought she would really like, cool one of a kind things like craft fair scarves and things like that...every gift is complained about or the wrong size (it wasn't) or dh's brother gets the same gift and so she has to return ours even when we give it to her first. She still has most of the things we have given her over the year in the box they came in.<br>
Last night I said what should we get MIL for Mothers Day and dh said just get her some lotion and bath salts. At first I said no way thats a totally lame gift, but dh asked if I had a better idea and I said no, so lotion and bath salts it is!!
 

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Dh's family always gives junk - junk I neither want nor need. All the time. Every easter his gma gives me tissues, hand soap, and candles. From walgreens. I hate candles and we don't use regular hand soap (only non-toxic soap). The tissues will be used. They give candy though I don't eat it nor does DH anymore.<br><br>
It annoys me. I don't do anything for his mom for mothers day. She is his mom, so his responsibility. TBH, I don't think I will get my mom anything other than a card. I am on this simplicity kick, so I don't give nor expect to receive gifts.
 

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Let DH pick out the gift. Then make sure to tell her that HER DS picked out her MD gift all by himself. It may or may not be exactly what she wants, but she is probably less likely to complain about her DS's choice.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>anj_rn</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15380318"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Let DH pick out the gift. Then make sure to tell her that HER DS picked out her MD gift all by himself. It may or may not be exactly what she wants, but she is probably less likely to complain about her DS's choice.</div>
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This is a WONDERFUL way to handle the situation. Then if she grouses, it's not your fault. She'll know that it was your DH's idea.<br><br>
I also love all the ideas you ladies have put forth for a rose themed basket. How lovely! If my mother had even the slightest interest in plants I would totally do this for her. My MIL likes to garden, but when I think of getting things for her, I just want to get her a brick <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Italiamom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15380495"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My MIL likes to garden, but when I think of getting things for her, I just want to get her a brick <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"></div>
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You could paint a rose on it.....<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/Bolt.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bolt">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>jeanine123</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15381838"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">You could paint a rose on it.....<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/Bolt.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bolt"></div>
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I just want to get her a brick painted with roses? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Italiamom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15382545"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I just want to get her a brick painted with roses? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent"></div>
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Well, it would keep with the theme of the thread. After all, you said you liked a lot of the rose themed ideas but what you really wanted to get your MIL was a brick so I figured I'd be a bit clever/snarky and suggest a brick with a rose painted on it.
 

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this year for Mother's Day I made concrete garden stepping stones. Dh had concrete leftover from a project so I mixed some up poured it is pie tins and put the kids hand prints in them. Then I wrote "Mother's Day" and the date. It was free and cute. I never know what to get MIL. I am even going to make myself one bc DH never really does anything.
 
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