Mothers of Color #10

Hey everyone! DS1 is out of school now, so I'm in lurker mode mostly. I am finally starting to exercise, had my first Pilates class today and first yoga class will be tomorrow. Kids are all well, there's a pic of them in my sig.

Hello mamas! I am checking in. I have been very busy with work but since school ends in two weeks, I will be home chillin soon.

Hey Joey! How are ya mama? How's that baby girl girl: Warm positive energy coming your way!

Hugs to all

Lisa

Hi Everyone,

I posted this on the old thread and I am reposting it here.
Thanks for starting the new thread Splendid.
My youngest son, husband and I just got back from a 10 day trip to Annapolis MD, Colonial Williamsburg in VA, Charleston and the Sea Islands in South Carolina where we met up with more than 100 unschooling friends of color to camp together for 4 days(some of this group of friends gathered at the Grand Canyon last year). We also visited a cousin's homes in Virginia & Washington DC and my MIL's home town in North Carolina. We put close to 2900 miles on the rental car we got for the trip!
We have beautiful pictures and wonderful memories!
And we all had a great time but we're beat.
So, I plan to spend the next few days getting caught up on my emails, laundry and trying to get organized enough so that I don't miss any of the events that I committed myself and/or my family to.
I also found a new quote that I have added to my signature line. Tell me what you think.
Be Blessed!

Why didn't you come visit me. I live in Williamsburg.

Glad to hear you had a lot of fun.

When will "we" get past issues of skin color and hair texture that have long afflicted people of color? I need some guidance mamas.

Today one of the students complimented my secretary on how pretty her hair looked. My secretary replied--"not everyone can have "good hair" like me" I quickly and unapologetically interjected "THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS GOOD HAIR". That started an emotional conversation. Unfortunately, the student chimed in about what she thought was good hair vs bad hair. Of course, she does not have the "coveted good hair" and therefore she was less attractive.

I saw this going nowhere and I grow more heated : as my secretary started talking about how all of her friends "hated on her" because she was "yellow". I know that this happens but truthfully, I doubted the veracity of this claim because she lies.

After the student left, I tried to calmly explain to my secretary how "colorism" and hair issues affect the self esteem of people of color. She and I are in the position to positively affect the esteem of the youngsters in the school and that she has to be very careful of what she says. I shared with her how this student in particular detests her self because of her dark hue. I also suggested that perhaps she, the secretary, has her own issues of low self-esteem and that she hides behind superficial physical traits. She got it!

My dh has bi-racial children. He and their mom have done a great job of not letting them define themselves by skin tone or hair texture. They are gorgeous but that's because they are one half him!

I think my reaction came from several places. I was angry that a young woman in this day and age still subscribes to this "plantation" mentality. Secondly, she has said other inappropriate, impulsive things, to and around students; I needed to put a stop to it.
Lastly, I will not allow a student under my care be subjected to anything that is not enhancing of self.

Mamas, this wore me out. Feedback, please!

So proud of the way you handled the situation. Mostly in awe that you found the courage/divine spirit to say something to your secretary in front of your student.

let me just say, i was exhausted after having read your post. i can't imagine how much energy it to you to get through this situation.

Joey

I'm glad that you did say something because too often we let it slide, not thinking about the affects on those around us. Also, the plantation is alive and well and, sadly, it has a lot of folks who mentally live there. :

I have a cousin of that same mindset who is so proud to announce that her husband is Norwegian and black. That really makes her day and the sad part is that's the reason she seems to be attracted to him. If he were any other brotha, he might not have gotten the time of day...

What's really goin' on?

Good for you !!! We all really need a wake up call sometimes to uster the courage to speak up when we hear things like that. Yes, I bet you were exhausted and angst ridden afterwards, but believe me you will feel so much better after those emotions past and you ca bask in the glory that you did the right thing......YOU GO GIRL!! And I believe you handled it so genuinely and respectfully. Your secretary should have just said thank you to the young lady and RETURNED THE COMPLIMENT !!! Yeesh what was she thinking!!
We all go through various phases with our looks and hair as we grow, we don't need out young women to have all that extra negative baggage to carry while they grow.
And I say again, good for you............I long ago decided when I hear things like that I too speak up. Not in anger or argumentative but in an educational realm. For when I used to walk away and HOPED it would get better, I felt so bad adn worried for days and chastise myself that I had passed on an opportunity to educate that person.
How does the saying go.............all it takes for evil to succeed is for good men (women) to do nothing.
Well done, I am proud of you.

I wanted to join the round of applause, it's so difficult to find the right thing to say in these spur of the moment situations. And it sounds like you did a great job. My immediate family is a wonderful example of genetics, both my parents are relatively fair skinned, my mom is particular has a face full of freckles. And they had me and I'm medium brown. It was never, ever an issue for me growing up b/c my mom was always very progressive minded and wasn't bogged down in the very real issue of colorism

As an off shoot of this conversation, I'd like to relay a situation that occurred while we were visiting my father in law over the holiday weekend. My husband is white and though when I look at my children I see bi racial children, (they both have my mom's nose, my smile, etc etc etc) their blue eyes, light skin leds people to initially assume otherwise

Anyway at a cook out my 2 year old made fast friends with a six year old The 6 year old told me she asked her mommy if black mothers could have white children, and that her mommy said no. I refrained from launching into a diatribe about skin color as a social construction and telling her mom was ignorant : ) I did tell her it all came down to what she considered white, because my children belonged to me, even though our skin colors don't match. I would have gone on to say a lot more but she just nodded and I decided to let well enough alone. I don't have any qualms about how to handle these discussions with age appropriate discussions, I just want to make sure that my kids can. Fortunately my husband and I are on the same page and both our extended families are as well (The little girl belonged to a family friend)

Anyway hope everyone is enjoying the start of summer

Lisa-- I'm glad you said what was on your mind. I see things from a different perspective, being light skinned, though. The crap I got from people for shaving off "all that nice, long, good hair." I end up saying the same thing that I say when people tell me I have good babies-- all hair is good, some people just have hair that requires more work than others.

Whoops, crying kid. gtg.

Hey mamas. Thanks so much for the feedback. Dang, it is refreshing to talk to people who "get it". I realize that some people are at different points in their racial/cultural development but when it comes to protecting the adolescents in my care, I am a fierce mama bear!
I appreciate the different perspectives that you all offer

yay ! hers more credit for you mama. I'm so glad to hear you stud up for that young woman. It truly is a great issue. I've always been the girl with the bad hair, growing up in a white society (I was adopted). I code not go through a day with out some one coming to me and telling me how "funny " my hair looked and that my hair was totally different from theirs. so almost from the beginning I learned to hate my hair and that it wasn't normal. I wish people would think before they acted, what makes them have the right to comment on me and my hair just because I'm different ???!! People has always poked in my hair and commented with out any respect for me and my feelings. I admire you for what you did.
/june

Erica--- yes, I was adopted to Sweden 20 years ago so I've been growing up here. I currently live in the middle of Sweden, in Dalarna, famous for there wooden horses .
IMO Sweden is not a very big tourist country so I'm glad to hear that there is some people who enjoys our country. which places did you visit ?