I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. In most cases I think its best when kids can be near both parents but it sounds like in your situation that's not the best thing for you. It will be great for your dd to be near her grandparents and to live in a stable place.
I'm sorry he can't see that.
i just wanted to tell you i think you're making a damn fine decision.. i was in a comparable situation 6 months ago when i left my ex, while 4 months pregnant. our relationship had gone horribly wrong, and i needed to move out here (bc) to get a midwife. i left my ex, who was still supposedly deliberating about whether he was going to come out here or not.. after a month he told me he wasn't going to, and that he had a new girlfriend, etc.. anyway, in those six months i found myself and my dreams again (and i'm working out a plan to get my own business started, eventually), and he went throo a ton of his own shit.. and we've both come out the other side of this much saner and more connected. in our case, the birth of our son made him realize what's really important, and now he's working out a plan to come be with us and help out (i will never move back there; if you've ever been to saskatchewan, i'm sure you understand!).. my point is that i think a person should always follow their dreams and heart.. you shouldn't have to compromise your happiness for his, especially if you've been pulling the majority of the weight for so long, as it sounds like you have. i think if his daughter really matters to him, and if he respects you, he will let you have your dream and you guys can find a way to make it work. i agree that it may be a wake up call for him. that's sort of what happened for (both of) us, and like i said, it sounds like a similar situation..
yeah.. i don't know if i want mine back either. that's kind of the cool thing about it tho; there's no definition to our relationship (still an attraction, but no commitment), so everything is left to the moment.. it's refreshing and easier to negotiate in that mode..
guess what i meant tho was a more in general sort of wake up call for him, in terms of parenting and pulling his weight.. like he'll be forced to make some decisions and assess his life, you know?
and i gotta say, just as some encouragement, that i really didn't think he would come around. really. hoped, but couldn't believe, based on his attitude and actions.. we were both really stuck in our own dramas that were perpetuated by being around eachother.. having that space brought the focus back on ourselves. now i don't put up with his shit, and we can discuss parenting related stuff in a healthy, objective way, and are more respectful of one another, having a greater perspective on our 'issues', thanks to that space..
we have been together practically 24/7 since i was only a few weeks pg. he was laid off and i was um, fired (bad preggo depression, finally told the boss what i really though of her). we so take each other for granted and have no privacy or sense of decency at all
Not that this is really similar to what happened to you, but my mother did something similar when I was fifteen. We left my dad, and it was very very hard for a while, but it got better, and my mom is a totally different person now. She is full of hope and vitality and is living a blessed life. My hat goes off to you, Kendell; not many women would make such a courageous and liberating choice. You can doit!
Reading this thread was tuff for me. You are very strong! I only wish I had your courage (note sig line). Things are tuff here. My DH quit his job while I was 7 months preggo w/ # 2 becuase he "fell in love" with his supervisor. He now says it was just infactuation and he wants to be with his family, but he treats us awful. And with niether of us working, and me being almost 6 weeks post partuam now - money is tight. I don't have *any* family to rely on though. So I say if your mother is a great support and things are going to be better for you, then you are TOTALLY DOING THE RIGHT THING!!! Good for you! I