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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've been lurking around the boards for a while, but this is my first post. I really wasn't sure where else to turn, and I'm hopeful that someone here will understand.<br><br>
I lost a pregnancy a month ago. It was my first pregnancy and was unplanned, but was very, very wanted. I've always dreamed of being a mother. When we'd do that "What do you want to be when you grow up?" game at school I never knew what to say. The only thing I knew is that I wanted to be a mother, but of course that wasn't a 'real job' as my kindergarten teacher told me the first time we played. Well my feelings never changed. I just knew that's what I was meant to be. I've gone through years and years of telling myself 'now is not a good time for a baby' because I'm still putting myself through school, but if it happened it happened..and it did and finding out was incredible. Of course I worried about certain things, like finances and how my partner would feel, but I was thrilled. I have a wonderful partner and a great support system and knew it would all be okay.<br><br>
But now it's gone and I have to come to terms with many more years of waiting, as we've agreed that it's a good idea for us to wait until I'm finished school and he's in a better job. The thing is, no matter what I do I can't seem to let myself get over this loss and move on. I just..can't, and I'm not sure it should be <i>this</i> difficult. I've confided in a couple very close friends only to be told "it's better this way, get over it", "you weren't very far along, it's no big deal" or "this wasn't even planned, you should be happy". Am I crazy for still being so upset over this? Do I just need more time? I'm not sure what I can do to help make this any easier. I'm sure hanging around parenting boards isn't helping, but I've always had a strong interest in parenting issues/parenting debates. If you've gotten this far, thank you for listening.
 

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We all struggle with this overwhelming desire to bring home a baby after a loss. Unfortunately there are always a million reasons to wait for TTC again... finances and job/school struggles usually being at the top of the list.<br><br>
There is no easy answer to these questions. Know that no matter how far along you were in your pregnancy, the person that you carried was wanted and loved. An earlier loss is no less difficult than a later one.<br><br>
Your baby will always be with you, and you are now a mommy. Think of your child being with you while you try to balance the emotional and logical arguments for/against TTC again. It is not easy - good luck...<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

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I'm so sorry. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br><br>
You don't need to get over anything! Grieve in your own way and don't let anyone make you feel like you shouldn't. And it is totally normal to feel an overwhelming urge for a baby once you have lost one. Find someone who has gone through a m/c and see if they will let you talk about your loss, maybe a local support group. Some people just don't understand unless it has actually happened to them.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> everything you are feeling is normal.
 

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Oh mama, I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost our baby in July and it still feels as raw now as it did those short few months ago. Nobody can put a timeline on grief, and you most certainly shouldn't have to. Time heals all wounds they say, and the loss of your baby is no different. You will eventually start to heal, but all in your own time. We're here if you ever need to vent, or cry or anything. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thank you all so much. Your support means so much to me. I've been feeling like I've had to hide this part of me because nobody I know can seem to fathom why I'd still be hurting over this, and that's just made me feel even worse about it. Posting it here has really helped me breathe and finally feel okay for feeling this way. There are people who get it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 
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