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i knew they said it would be a strain, but i had no idea.... i guess i just need to vent?<br><br>
i'm the type of person who takes everything in stride. i am positive and happy, as long as everyone i care about is healthy and we have food on the table, etc. so even though this twin thing is hard/stressful/tiring, i am still ok. dh on the other hand.... i don't know. i think he is definitely resenting my ap attitude toward raising these guys, and his resentment is making me angry with him.<br><br>
for example, he's said many times that the people he works with can just put their kids into bed and they're out for the night. he thinks it's absurd that i nurse them down and am not focused on "teaching" them to sttn by whatever means. etc etc etc. he was on-board with a sweet, gentle approach to parenting before they came, but now? he just gets stressed. and he isn't even up with them at night.<br><br>
also, he feels neglected because i am so focused on taking care of the boys. but when you're dealing w/ 2 10-month olds, all day and night pretty much alone, what can you do? i feel neglected, too... but i realize that it's temporary. i get angry because he can't see the forest for the trees.<br><br>
is this normal? or some version of normal? how are you faring?
 

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My husband and I had been married for 10 years when we had the boys. The first year was horrific for our relationship. It matters, though, right now. I guess I'm saying that if he's that upset and unhappy you really need to work it out with him. That's one thing I really regret with us. A solid marriage and a happy daddy is as important to your boys as anything else you are providing for them.
 

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ITA with the above. Too many years of child and family therapy (my life pre-kids). Each child brings new challenges to the marriage so I can only imagine how two lives being added can put a strain on even the strongest marriage. My twins aren't here yet but I'm prepared to cross the bridge, I know it's on the horizon.<br><br>
I'm not saying you have to give up anything but I think, as with anything in a marriage, there has to be give and take. I wanted to co-sleep with both my kiddos and DH wasn't at all comfortable. I would have had to choose, baby in bed, or DH. My marriage had to come first. However, he did spend the first 8-weeks of each of their lives on the couch or in a spare bed so that I could have those early weeks. Great compromise for us.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> it's hard. but it's mostly harder single.<br><br>
i'm totally uncompromising when it comes to protecting my children, but i have a dh who has mostly come round to many ap ideas. there does have to be compromise, but each couple finds their own happy medium.<br><br>
wrt co sleeping: my dh would rather get sleep and have me get sleep than have one of us wandering around through the night. maybe you can express and tell him he can do nighttime duty then <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> - sttn ha! in your dreams baby <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"><br><br>
but seriously, if they're your first children and you've got it times two, he is going to be one nose put out of joint guy. and all you can do is find some things to keep him feeling important without neglecting your own instincts iykwim.<br><br>
you know, for some men just wearing a variety of knickers and having regular enough physical intimacy keeps them happy enough to let you make the parenting decisions <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
find what's the key to <i>him</i> and he'll cut you some slack in return.<br><br>
but they don't call motherhood 'juggling' for nothing. it's not just the children need time and love <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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We went through that too. It's been so long ago now that I can't really remember exactly how long it lasted but I can definitely say that it is something that passes with time. I mostly just let him say what he had to say & understood that it was coming from a place of frustration & stress. Hang in there! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>shukr</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14758736"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><br><b>you know, for some men just wearing a variety of knickers and having regular enough physical intimacy keeps them happy enough to let you make the parenting decisions <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br></b></div>
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laughing my butt off here ..... I'd totally play that card if I thought it would get me what I want. It helps!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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DH and I had planned on marrying in May 2002, but we began not using contraception in March of that same year. We conceived our twins in April.<br><br>
So in 2002 - we got married in May and had premature twin boys in November. Sure, it was a HUGE tax break for us, but was it worth it (not like we planned to have twins, obviously, lol)? No. LOL. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
2002 and 2003 were incredibly difficult for us. I know a new marriage along with new twin babies was just a lot for us to both take on. I look back now and wonder how we managed, how we didn't go insane from one another and/or parenting twins, etc. etc.<br><br>
Honestly, even with DH working FT, he did so much with the boys at night and such, that there was little time for "us" and that meant neither of us really complained (we were both in the same boat pretty much). But I know it helped that my MIL or Mom would take the boys every so often so DH and I could go out or just stay home for a few hours to clean (without interruption!). I know that isn't so much of an option for newer twins that are nursing, but since I was pumping, it was an option for us.<br><br>
Maybe a letter to your DH would help? Basically stating what you said above. Tell him you feel neglected as well, your tired, angry, etc. But you know it won't always be this way.<br><br>
::HUGS:: mama.
 
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