[SheBear]

Anyone here wait a long time to tell anyone IRL about your pregnancy?

I am about 14 weeks and we have not yet told any family or IRL acquaintances about our pregnancy. Well, except my chiropractor and my midwife, LOL! I realize 14 weeks is still early, and up to this point it's been kinda fun, but now I'm getting verrry uncomfortable in my non-mat clothing, and it's going to become rather obvious sooner than later!

The thing that's bugging me is that it is dh who has decided not to tell. I can't figure out why. He said something at first about waiting to be sure everything's okay....fine, except that if something happened and we lost the baby now, we'd definitely be telling people about that, so why are we still waiting to tell the good news? As far as family, we are going to see my family for July 4th, so I have been planning to tell everyone then. I thought it would be fun to surprise them all together, in person (besides, that way they can't talk about us behind our backs, LOL! At least not until they are on their way home!

). And last week, dh said he was going to tell him family via his dad's Father's Day card....sign it from us, the kids, and baby peanut, or something like that. I asked him today if he'd heard from them yet, and apparently he decided not to share the news after all.

I'm confused, and a bit annoyed, because it seems like it would have been an ideal time to share it. And now I have to continue pretending and not saying anything and squeezing into pants without panels.

:

I wish I knew what was going on in his mind, but he assures me that I'm overthinking it and borrowing trouble. I'm not convinced....it almost feels like he's embarrassed or something.

dunno why I'm posting about it--just annoyed, I guess. Better to vent to y'all than to be declared hormonal and irrational, I guess!

 

[stacey2061]

we didn't tell anyone until about 20 weeks with our first pregnancy. DH wanted to shout it from the rooftops but i just wasn't ready until then (granted, it was unplanned and we didn't find out until about 10 weeks)...anyway, hopefully you and your DH come to an agreement. i personally feel like it's important to wait until both members of the couple are ready to tell, but that's really your decision to make. i just know i would have been devastated if i found out DH had been telling people before i was ready to announce it

 

[aylaanne]

I'm 20 weeks and I still haven't told my father. He lives in another part of the state and I haven't seen him since my wedding. I was planning on telling him when he came out to visit my new house in April, but he cancelled that trip and rescheduled for May, then cancelled again and rescheduled, and then cancelled and said he'd make plans sometimes. Last I heard was two weeks ago and he said he'd try to come up on the 20th, but I'm not getting my hopes up. I decided to call him tonight to wish him happy Father's Day and tell him then. He's the only one of my family and friends who doesn't know.

As for your DH, you may want to tell him that you need the support of his family and yours and are going to tell them unless he can give you a specific objection that makes sense. Especially since you can't really fit into your clothes. Guys in general don't identify their feelings as specifically as women do, so he may not know exactly why he's reluctant to share the news, but there comes a point where he either needs to pin it down and spit it out or get over it. You may be at that point.

Good luck and congratulations!

 

[BF124497]

We waited until about 14 weeks to tell family, and 16 to tell friends. They're mostly in another state, so it was easy. When we did tell, we made a big deal about it, so nobody felt left out or as if we were being secretive.

For your husband, you might come up with a big idea for sharing the news (a video, specially delivered packages, etc.), and present it very excitedly. You could sort out the details beforehand, and all he has to do is say "okay." Hopefully, he'll share your excitement, and you can both start working on letting people know.

 

[Banana731]

I typically don't say anything to family or friends until after the 1st trimester. I am near 22wks and I still haven't told some friends back home. Though if I lived there, I probably would have done so a few weeks ago.

 

[nolonger]

I am six weeks along and the plan with this one is to wait until at least twelve weeks to tell anyone IRL. My reasons are that I am at an increased risk of miscarriage because of my age (42), that there are people IRL who may not be happy for me because I am a single mother by choice and also an anti-capitalist/leave a small footprint/voluntary simplicity mama, and I am planning a UP/UC and the shorter my pregnancy appears to the outside world, the less likely I am to have some well-meaning idiot figure that out and possibly make a CPS report.

With my first full-term pregnancy, I was also a single mama and even though I wanted a midwife attended birth, that was "weird" enough in 1988. I literally never told anybody, but I didn't deny it when somebody noticed and I was aware of how fast the gossip spread.

Since my parents live across the continent, I wound up not telling them until after the birth.

I'd forgotten how hard it was to keep my big mouth shut, though, and I'm having some serious doubts as to whether I can even make it to the twelve week mark this time, no matter how compelling my reasons for wanting to do so are.

I hope that you and dh are able to work this out. If he wants to wait longer to tell people, you are going to need some "interim" clothes that don't look like maternity clothes. Fortunately, the styles these days could be very helpful. Yoga pants from the non-maternity section are much more comfortable than jeans without panels and the trendy smocklike shirts look like maternity tops to me anyway, except that they are cut attractively and don't make you look like a neuter incubator.

I love size extra large in the Junior department.

 

[SheBear]

Thanks, ladies! That's really helpful, and I appreciate knowing others have been in my shoes! Since both of our families live quite a distance away, the actual telling of family isn't a big deal. However, dh feels strongly that we should tell family before telling friends and acquaintances. Which I can understand....and knowing some of his family, I can see that they might take offense if they knew they weren't the first to know.

I can understand that, because my own family is a bit that way, which is why I think it will work out perfectly to tell them all together when we see them for the 4th. But it is getting hard to not tell people with whom I associate every day--people at church, etc. Besides just the clothing thing (which I agree with spider, thank GOD that the current style is quite flowy and practically makes everyone look pregnant anyway, LOL!), the hardest part is that this pregnancy has become so real to me, such a part of my every thought, that I keep finding myself on the verge of saying something about it, then remembering just moments before slipping up.

Like refusing a glass of wine at dinner....anyone who knows me well knows that I don't refuse a glass of wine! (hope that doesn't make me sound like a lush...I just like wine....and margaritas....and, okay we'll just leave it at that!

Anyway, just things like that (another time, I had a bad backache and my SIL, a nurse, suggested I take advil....I tried to come up with some sort of excuse why I couldn't take it, and I was totally blank. I think I finally just said, Yeah, that sounds like a good idea, and then palmed the pills. Then of course, I had to pretend I was feeling better....) that are getting more and more difficult to deal with.

I dunno, I guess it's not a big deal in the larger scheme of things, but it just doesn't seem necessary at this point, and since dh claims there's no particular reason keeping him from telling, I'm just a mite confused.

Ah well....I totally agree with Stacey, that it is the sort of news that should be shared when mutual. I just can't shake the nagging suspicion that dh is a bit embarrassed or something. Meh...I guess I just need to take him at his word, huh? What a concept!

 

[cravenab00]

Sigh.

we wont be telling anyone until i cant hide my belly any longer.

All of my other pregnancies were met with nothing but negativity and criticism from family. So we have decided this time, to just not involve them, and keep the negative feelings away.

Its so sad that it has to be like this.

 

[SheBear]

Aww, hugs, craven! I agree, it is very sad when we cannot find support from those who are supposed to love and support us no matter what!

I'm glad that's not exactly my situation...I know some of our family (on both sides) will be surprised and concerned and think we aren't making the best choices for our families, and we may have to hear a bit about it right at first, but FTMP, they will all settle down and show a supportive face, even if they talk about us behind our backs!

And I guess, to be fair,we are the same way when they make choices we disagree with.

I should be counting my blessings--I have a great husband and a good strong bond with my family and his. Life could be SO much worse!