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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello,

I caught my son high off marijuana. When he came into the house at 4:05 PM
He smelled of marijuana so I came over to him and asked him a few questions.
And I saw his pupils were large. So I told him to lie down in his bed for a couple hours. Once he was was straight I sat down with him in his room and said I think you were smoking pot and he said yes. Then I asked where he got it and he said to me that he got it from school but does not want to give a name because he doesent want others to get involved
. So I said Ok.
Then I told him I dont like it when you do these things and that. And if you ever feel the need to do drugs talk to me and I can sort it out. As for punishment I made him do the dishes 4 nights in a row, He does them every other night usually. Is Their anything else I should be doing? I dont think pot is dangerous I to tried pot for the first time when I was 13. I do give him lots of space I dont confine or over worry. He is also getting a job at Tim Hortons soon.
:
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by mamadontcry View Post
Hello,
As for punishment I made him do the dishes 4 nights in a row, He does them every other night usually. Is Their anything else I should be doing? I dont think pot is dangerous I to tried pot for the first time when I was 13.
He's getting a job at Tim Hortons at age 13? Did they lower the legal working age? Frankly, I'd focus more on his school work at this age than getting him in the workplace already. Does he play sports or any other after school activities? I'd get him involved in some things so he's not left with free time after school without supervision to experiment with drugs.

As for the "punishment": Not sure what doing dishes has to do with smoking marijuana?
He should be doing dishes every night anyway... he lives in your home, participates in meal times, right?
 

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not sure what dishes have to do with anything....

i don't like it when you do things like that so talk to me if you want to do things like that is a fairly effective way of ensuring he will not talk to you if he does mj again. why would he talk to you if he knows you don't like it and will be punished for it?

as long as hes not smoking up on a regular basis to the point where it is effecting his life is a negative way i wouldn't worry about it.
 

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I can't say I would have punished him at all. I would have talked to him about responsible pot smoking (if that's possible) and the possible consequences of what he was doing.
 

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Hi mama, Don't talk to me about dishes getting done....came home to a pile of them again..
I smoked pot age 14 and have continued to do so, I'm 41, yes I know, pathetic probably, am only telling you this cos of your post lol I'm looking to sort myself out soon on several more levels including and especially substance dependance( at present dope, tea, sugar, nicotine! coffee again) and moodswings, depression has figured largely in my life and I know the stuff I take in doesn't help.I had issues with alcohol too but am 7 yrs getting over that now. I used to inhale lighter fuel at 13, majic mushies etc I went through care system and have some er problems I've struggled with. imo I don't think pot is that good for you longterm or too often, makes you tired, with prolonged use can induce paranoia, specially for first 10 years. I have v.little knowledge of most other recreational drugs tho have tried some, but I like pot, it's a herb and requires some respect as herbs can be v.potent.I know they're all smoking strong homegrown now and that it affects people differently. Imo it can help relax a person, generally can 'lift' the mood betwixt any negative effects,if it's not smoked continously, like any substance, it should be okay only my opinion, unless serious issues arose to contradict this. I wouldn't want any of my kids to take it up or the gamut of stuff to try. There are other ways to feed your head, healthy too.Some people don't abuse substance but do use them, I'm not one of them, I have to be totally honest about this, I don't believe most stuff is bad as such but that people have differing reasons,lives, reactions etc.Depends whether you want to get high in first place too, some folk don't and sometimes there are other reasons to get high like to push away the downsides of life for a while. Can also be like socializing with a drink.The mood-altering component is where I struggle cos I've stopped before for quite a while and felt fine, just felt like I was missing out or something and couldnt just have 'a pint' at thet point. I have quite a boring,worky life so it's my pick-me-up or more like a throw-me-down when I'm done work it's the lack of energy I miss but ironically I smoke(outdoors) to get me 'wasted' and I'm so glad that I'm only on pot cos I can 'control' myself on it, yeah right, see this is dependancy for me. And I had no control, knowledge around drugs n alcohol. Knowledge helps.Plus, a big one imo, smoking tobacco of any sort or leaf is very, very bad for you if regular, I was quite sporty and still swim cycle run etc but omg my lungs, I'm a bit worried about that so....

So I think you could remain calm and in tune with your child, keep those communications open. My dd started drinking with her mates early teens, I nearly freaked and she herself found the ways to move on from irresponsable consumption and is trying to get into uni or textile and design school, I'm a single mom and poor so I'm xtra excited about this progress and hope for the future. Accepting that your child may be trying out substances like these is scary. Keeping the channels open, for us, required me stepping back, but obviously looking out for her often, and letting her make her own decisions, most importantly, the harder ones.No amount of my nagging will sort anything so I just let her know I'm there for her at all times and we talk. Keep the faith and know whats going on with your kid, as you obviously do,
your ds WILL know you are there for him and that he CAN talk to you, maybe just not about everthing that matters right there and then, you then should be able to help him when needed, if needed for substance use or anything. In my day it was all sneaking around keeping secrets cos the adults were not open or able to communicate about a heck of a lot of stuff that affects their kids. There is so much alcoholism in my country, like everywhere, but the scots really like to go for it, the whisky thing, and it can get destructive.Sorry for novel. Good luck.
 

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first - WTG on spotting him out!

i second the talk on consequences - i know as teenagers, we experiement, but it sounds like this battle is going to start early so it will be a long road! an extra 2 nights of dishes sound easy. It may be no big deal as far as "there are worse drugs out there, and he is not addicted, etc.," but it IS still illegal. if he was ever arrested/convicted by police then he loses all government funded financial aid/gov backed student loans for college. That is a serious consequence. He should know that.

I also second the job thing that the PP suggested. Instead of having him work, I would focus on academics. Extra curricular clubs and sports would be healthy for him. Even volunteer work, but I would think twice about a job at this age. At 14 I started tutoring a couple hours a week and it paid well and it took very little time. I think that is different than working 15 hours a week. JMHO
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by mamadontcry View Post
He is also getting a job at Tim Hortons soon.
:
Where is the money going? For me, at this age, the main thing keeping me from doing (more) drugs was a lack of funds.
 

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I would talk to him in more detail about how marijuana can effect you, and how you can become dependent on it to deal with your problems. I have gone through my own experimental stages and know dozens of people who smoke it on a regular basis, and as far as my experience has shown me, it's not a terrible problem if used occasionally... it's when you are literally dependent on it and use it as an alternative to dealing with your problems, so I would talk to him about that aspect. If you know some people who smoke, maybe have them talk to him about how to use responsibly.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Ok, Ill have another talk to him about drug use and responsibility. Also It is legal to work at the age of 13. He does have a SIN. And he is good in school, well almost except for maths. Im just confused about this because Its not really a bad thing if used responsibly. But hes only 13 1/2. Because Ive never heard any negative side effects that support my side with him
. And he is a honest kid he almost neverr lies
. Well thanks for all your replies
 

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Yes, marijuana dilates the pupils.

Anyway.

Smoking pot alone at home is different and more concerning than smoking it when out with friends on an experimental/social basis. That would imply its not just "normal" peer pressure stuff but an attempt to use a substance to deal with uncomfortable feelings. If he's having trouble negotiating feelings at age 13 and is trying to dampen those feelings, it could point to trouble ahead because the intensity and frequency of those feelings is going to get worse for the next six years or so. If he starts a pattern of trying to avoid those feelings so young, that could become very problematic.

If it was just a one-time experimental thing, I wouldn't worry about it too much, and just provide information and talk about your concerns. But if you suspect on-going use, I would really be concerned. He's at a critical juncture in his development, at 13, that makes substance use more concerning than if, say, he was using for the first time at age 40.

I don't think you can punish this sort of thing into stopping. Whatever he gets from smoking pot, it might be worth it to him to do the dishes a few more times or whatever.

I think at that age, you can set some ground rules: Its illegal, therefore you don't want it in the house. You can't control his behavior out of the house but you won't allow him to put the household at risk.

I got a job at age 14. There were some good things about getting a job so young: it gave me more spending money, it got me out of my abusive family more often, it taught me responsibility very quickly (its the adult world now), it increased my self-esteem and feelings of competence, and my parents were able to brag about me to their friends. There were some bad things about working so young: My schoolwork suffered because, in part, now that I was in the "adult" world my schoolwork seemed less important and in part because I was just doing too much and something had to give. Teenagers need LOTS of sleep, and I wasn't getting enough. My coworkers, who were all older than me, taught me things I shouldn't have been exposed to so young. The other employees closest to me in age were usually already out on their own, having come from bad homes or whatever, and seeing kids living by themselves and making decisions for themselves was very attractive to me. I wanted to be like them - leave my family, live in my own place, be my own boss. Not a good choice for a 14-year-old who doesn't really know as much as she thinks she knows. Having a job and going to school also increased my stress level overall, decreased opportunities to learn social skills from my peer group, and forced me to lose a part of my childhood by growing up too soon.

You'll have to decide if your son's pot use indicates his life is already too stressful for him to handle and if the job is a good thing for him or not. At this point in his development, it might be more appropriate to try to find a peer group activity where he can learn how other kids his age are dealing with the stresses of being 13, such as maybe sports (physical activity can reduce feelings of stress as well as help him feel competent and part of a team) or other clubs for kids.

I don't think I would punish him. I would set rules for the safety of the household. But mostly I would work heavily on increasing attachment, emotional availability, spending time together one on one, facilitating activities with him and healthy peers, and try to get a feel for where he's at emotionally and how you can help him navigate the most challenging time of his life since he was born.
 

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I don't see why it's such a bad thing for a 13yr old to have a job? I started working when I was 10yrs old (biking 4 miles each way to pick blueberries at 5am) and was working 30hrs/week when I was 12-13. I think it's great for developing a good work ethic among other things, AND helps keep them out of trouble.
 

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You've never heard of negative side effects of marijuana use?

I'll give you some.

1. You're lighting something on fire and inhaling it- it is now a carcinogen (cancer causing substance). *Unless he's eating it "raw".
You could light basil on fire and it would become a toxic substance.

2. Marijuana causes psychological disturbances in certain people. I'm one of them. I get really really bad effects that cause me to be mentally unstable.

3. Most kids that smoke pot end up getting into other things, experimenting with popping pills, getting drunk, inhaling dust off- glue etc and so forth.

4. Being loaded causes you to make stupid and risky decisions, coupled with teenagers sense of immortality and lower impulse control this is really dangerous.

5. Some people have addictive personalities, so pot might not be so benign.

I wouldn't make a giant ordeal out of it, and you have to move in accordance with your own values and opinions on pot, but today's world isn't like the one we were in when we were teens.

I just think it's really dangerous and 13 is super young to start messing with drugs or herbs or anything else that gets you high.

If my kids try it I will want to know why, and I will want to figure out what led them to believe it was ok. In our house it's not ok at all.

I respect that others don't freak out over "mere" marijuana, but it's brought nothing but grief on my family.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Porcelain Interior View Post
3. Most kids that smoke pot end up getting into other things, experimenting with popping pills, getting drunk, inhaling dust off- glue etc and so forth.
I have to say that I don't know a single person for whom that is true, and I know a LOT of people who smoke pot.

Everyone I know just gets mellow after a smoke. I do realize that the effects would vary from person to person, but that is my experience.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by choli View Post
I have to say that I don't know a single person for whom that is true, and I know a LOT of people who smoke pot.

Everyone I know just gets mellow after a smoke. I do realize that the effects would vary from person to person, but that is my experience.
: they used to say pot was a gateway drug (as in using pot would lead to the use of other drugs) but they have corrected that. Pot is not a gateway drug, it does not lead to use of harder drugs. It's even on the FDA website.
 

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Originally Posted by 1littlebit View Post
: they used to say pot was a gateway drug (as in using pot would lead to the use of other drugs) but they have corrected that. Pot is not a gateway drug, it does not lead to use of harder drugs. It's even on the FDA website.
If a kid likes getting high from pot there are high odds that he'll try other highs.

That is what I meant. I don't know any teens that have ONLY used pot during their teen years.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Porcelain Interior View Post
You've never heard of negative side effects of marijuana use?

I'll give you some.

1. You're lighting something on fire and inhaling it- it is now a carcinogen (cancer causing substance). *Unless he's eating it "raw".
You could light basil on fire and it would become a toxic substance.

2. Marijuana causes psychological disturbances in certain people. I'm one of them. I get really really bad effects that cause me to be mentally unstable.

3. Most kids that smoke pot end up getting into other things, experimenting with popping pills, getting drunk, inhaling dust off- glue etc and so forth.

4. Being loaded causes you to make stupid and risky decisions, coupled with teenagers sense of immortality and lower impulse control this is really dangerous.

5. Some people have addictive personalities, so pot might not be so benign.

I wouldn't make a giant ordeal out of it, and you have to move in accordance with your own values and opinions on pot, but today's world isn't like the one we were in when we were teens.

I just think it's really dangerous and 13 is super young to start messing with drugs or herbs or anything else that gets you high.

If my kids try it I will want to know why, and I will want to figure out what led them to believe it was ok. In our house it's not ok at all.

I respect that others don't freak out over "mere" marijuana, but it's brought nothing but grief on my family.

I would have to agree with this poster. I would absolutely freak out if my 12 year (soon to be 13) was trying marijuana. I feel it is a gateway drug not because of it's effects (mellowing you out), but because if you come to see marijuana as no big deal, then why not try some heroine, and then some cocaine? I mean marijuana is ILLEGAL is it not? WOW! I would be watching him like a hawk, figuring out who the heck gave him the drugs, and just all around focusing on what was up with him.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Porcelain Interior View Post
If a kid likes getting high from pot there are high odds that he'll try other highs.

That is what I meant. I don't know any teens that have ONLY used pot during their teen years.
i know quite a few actually. for kids who are into harder drugs pot may be the first drug they try but trying pot isn't want leads kids to try other drugs.
 
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