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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
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I am almost 20 weeks pregnant with baby number 2. My husband and I have been fighting alot lately and finally started counseling. We definitely used swear words and although we tried to move to a different room I'm sure he heard us. I've also been really stressed out with finishing school, preparing for my board exam, etc and have been yelling alot more in general. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
We were laying down for our nap this afternoon at 1. He has really been fighting me at nap time, but I've tried to keep the time consistent and read him two books and lay down. He brought a giraffe and a baby doll to bed. He was having them tickle each other and was giggling and jumping around. I asked him to settle down four or five times and told if he didn't calm down I was going to put the giraffe to bed and he could put the baby to bed. After a couple more warning I took the giraffe and laid him next to me. He sat straight up, looked me in the eye, and called me a B*#@!. He said it three or four times as clearly as possible. I yelled no and got out of bed and now we have given up on nap time. I guess I shouldn't be shocked the way things have been lately, but I can't believe he said it appropriately and clearly. He has also been heard muttering the f word around the house. Besides making sure that we stop using those words what else should I do? Does anyone have any advice on making nap time go smoother too? We stopped nursing about a month ago and now that he doesn't nurse to sleep I don't know how to help him fall asleep. I have just completely lost my way with parenting <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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Just try to keep in mind that he's at an age where he's testing the power of words.<br><br>
When he's in a good mood and calm but not sleepy, could you have a talk with him about how certain words are only for very very bad situations?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
When I have heard him with other bad words I tell him that using those words hurts my feeling and make me sad. He stops for a few minutes but then uses them again. I know making a big deal out of it will draw more attention to it but.... I don't know....
 

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I am assuming that he heard your husband call you that? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I'm so sorry. That just isn't right. Make sure that you tell your DH what happened. Its really important that he model the behavior of treating women with respect. Whatever your differences, there is no reason for that word to be thrown around.<br><br>
As far as napttime -- what about pushing it later? Maybe if you wait until 2pm, he will feel more ready at that point? Naps can be rough.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I talked to my husband and this situation isn't going to come up again. We are in couseling and working things out. For naptime, I let him stay up and he fell asleep eating his dinner at 6. Is he trying to phase out a nap or just being overtired?
 

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<div style="font-style:italic;">Background:<br>
Besides making sure that we stop using those words what else should I do?</div>
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To be totally completely honest, I don't think that it's bad that your ds said it. I mean, kids shouldn't say words like that, but I don't think *he's* at fault. He's mimicking what he hears, and he's using words that he knows have a big effect.<br>
If ds said something that bothered me, I'd him something along the lines of- "that word isn't appropriate for you to say. It's a cuss word, and people shouldn't really use cuss words." And then if it persisted, I'd give him other words he could use to express himself.<br>
Something like that. But, really, tbh, I think I would have laughed. Ds said the other day, in the sweetest voice you could imagine "what the [email protected]!! is going on here?" I have NO idea where he got it, but I laughed. Then asked ds to repeat it to dp. He didn't. I don't even think he knows what he said that was so funny.
 

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I have to say I don't like name calling either from adults or children. I would let my ds see if he had hurt my feelings. When he does something that is not appropriate such as kicking his dad during a diaper change I act very shocked and let him see my feelings about using violence to another person. I don't fake it, I let him see my real feelings. Recently he hit me in the face with a toy car, he was certainly under no illusions that it really hurt and made me feel very sad. I guess it was letting him see the natural consequence of his actions. I would also try explaining to your ds that he hurt your feelings.<br><br>
Of course the best things is that he doesn't hear you and your dh using angry words but the reality is that we all get into bad moods and arguments sometimes. I think it is important for him to witness resolution as he is certainly aware of the conflict. Apologise to each other in front of him, have a cuddle. Let him know what happens after the angry words.<br><br>
PS Could you try a midday nap? I found earlier works really well for my ds. He has lunch at 11.15/11.30 then a nap after that. We do it the same every time. HTH and good luck with everything<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/innocent.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shy">
 
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