[mighty-mama]

I don't know what to do with my ds...

I think he's still a little off, from being at my sister's house while I was trying to help with her memorial... And now, dh is away on business again, so we've had a rough few days...

Anyway.. Yesterday we were in target, and he pooped, so I brought him outside to change him. Up until yesterday, we can place him next to the car, and he stays... Yesterday he bolted in the parking lot, luckily he ran between the front of the parked cars. I was running (pregnant) screaming for him to stop.. He didn't stop, I ended up grabbing him.. I was frantic and screamed at him, and he didn't seem to care..

Today we met dh for dinner. After dinner we were walking around the town (quaint little antique shops and etc.).. He again bolted from dh, I was around the corner, I heard dh, screaming for him to stop.. DS kept running, and dh lunged forward and grabbed his shirt. Seconds later a women driving her SUV plowed thru, not even slowing down.. DH told me, he actually ran into the road... DH freaked, and I think DS got upset..

What the heck am I to do... Is this normal for a child to all of a sudden stop listening? What gives.... I'm still shaken, and now I have the image of my son being killed by this SUV.

 

[Hevyne]

My ds1 changed drastically around this age. He was diagnosed w/ ADHD also about a year later (not saying that your child has ADHD at all) so I don't know if there is a correlation w/ the change being around this age w/ a non ADHD child. I just feel your pain mama

 

[celestialdreamer]

Do you think its possible he's picking up on the stress around him and that is affecting his behavior? If he's not normally like that, then it would seem a likely reason.

I also wanted to mention that I was so sorry to hear of your sister's passing and I hope you are getting the support you need.

 

[Kailey's mom]

I hope I don't get flamed for this one, but what about one of those little backpacks that have the rope attached to it, don't know what they are called. My mom had one for me because I was a runner, it was two bracelets, one for me, one for mom, with a rope inbetween. Not as cute as the ones they have on the market now.

 

[mamaverdi]

mighty-mama, I think it's fairly normal for everything you all have been going through for him to have a very sudden change in personality. That is a lot of stress for a little guy.

 

[ledzepplon]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mighty-mama What the heck am I to do... Is this normal for a child to all of a sudden stop listening? What gives.... I'm still shaken, and now I have the image of my son being killed by this SUV.

I'm so sorry, that's really scary. My dd went through a phase like this when she was about 2--totally not listening, doing dangerous stuff, etc. I just had to hold her every time we got in a parking lot or near a street, and I would tell her that I was holding her to keep her safe, since we were in a dangerous place. It took a long time before I could let her walk again, but she now seems to be over that phase.

 

[operamommy]

mighty-mama, I'm sorry you had such scares!

Oh, and I just need to say

congrats on your new pregnancy. I know you don't know me, but I remember your posts on having to wean your son before undergoing treatment and how emotionally painful it was for you. Seeing your siggie completely made my day.

 

[LilWin]

DD does the same thing.

She will also squirm if I hold her hand or throw herself on the floor to get away. When she suddenly bolts, and I yell "stop!" she will run even faster. I have no idea why she does this, but I have stopped letting her walk by herself when I have DS with me because there's no way I can keep up with her when DS is in the sling/MT. Yesterday I was looking at the instructions that come with my sling and it said you can also use it to keep toddler safe when you put it around the waist and hold the tail, and it actually didn't sound like such a bad idea. Then again, I know DD will freak out if I try. I hope she'll stop doing it, we live in a busy city where staying on the sidewalk and stopping at the curb is essential to safety!

 

[wfuteach]

We've been through this stage as well, and thankfully, have grown out of it. However, we did go through a period where it was pretty bad, and she had to be in the stroller all the time when we were out (unless there were two adults, one to chase and one to stay with the baby). We also have tried the Eddie Bauer backpack (looks like a puppy dog and the tail is a leash). I know these are really not recommended by lots of people, but if it was the only way to keep my daughter safe and by my side, we used it. We only used it a few times, but she loved wearing it and always stayed by me when she did (or asked to go in the stroller).

Good luck...this too shall pass!!

 

[mighty-mama]

thanks.. Yes, I'm sure he's stressed, this poor little guy has had a lot of stress in his life.

His sleeping pattern has been atrocious.. Mon & Tues, he refused to nap, which meant temper tantrums all day.. So by Tues night, he passed out at 6:30pm, and awoke yesterday at 4:20am, flipped out, probably as dh wasn't sleeping next to him, laid on the floor. Got up at 5am.. By 9am, I put him in our room, and he passed out within minutes. He slept 3 1/2 hrs, and of course we had things to do so, we ran out of the house.. But I think the combo, of dh not being here, and him still reeling from the stress of my sister's death (I've been crying a lot) He's off, and he's un-managable..

He went to bed around 9:15pm last night and awoke at 6:30 this am, so hopefully we're off to a normal day..

I just pray that I can VBAC, as I think if I have a c/s w/ this babe, he'll lose his mind if I'm away from him for 3 days..

(fyi... I'm waiting on a return call for counseling for him

: )

thanks again for your love and support, it means the world to me...

 

[mighty-mama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by operamommy mighty-mama, I'm sorry you had such scares! Oh, and I just need to say congrats on your new pregnancy. I know you don't know me, but I remember your posts on having to wean your son before undergoing treatment and how emotionally painful it was for you. Seeing your siggie completely made my day.

Oh, I remember those days... Boy that was so hard and devastating. It's funny as ds is 2, and he still cuddles with me in the nursing position, and every so often tries to "pretend" to nurse.. I may have a tandem nurser on my hands...

.. It's amazing as he has "not" nursed longer than he did nurse, but he still remembers.
thanks... It truly is a miracle babe.. I somehow became pregnant two mths after my last treatment... Which is funny since i struggled w/ infertility before DS1.

But this little guy appears healthy... And I'm thrilled it's another boy, as I'm a carrier for the cancer gene, and I would not want a daughter to have this fear over her head..

 

[flapjack]

I'm so sorry to hear about your sister, and so sorry to hear about your stresses right now.
I'd think along the lines of logical consequences- you need to know that he is safe, and grownups can't run as fast as toddlers. He wants to be able to explore freely and to walk. He can either hold your hand in car parks and near roads, or he can wear reins. Or, of course, the two of you can come up with another win-win situation. I personally don't think it's adhd or anything like that, I think he's just being 2- but right now, you're probably feeling vulnerable to seeing the worst possible outcome.

eta: sorry, we cross-posted. Something else I thought about is that my 5yo started taking more risks- silly risks- after a friend of his died. It's almost as if his way of dealing with death was to try and prove his own immortality???? I think your little one is probably figuring things out pretty well by himself. I'd strongly recommend getting The Sad Book, by Michael Rosen, though.

 

[BennyPai]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kailey's mom I hope I don't get flamed for this one, but what about one of those little backpacks that have the rope attached to it, don't know what they are called. My mom had one for me because I was a runner, it was two bracelets, one for me, one for mom, with a rope inbetween. Not as cute as the ones they have on the market now.

We have one of those backpacks. It is a plush puppy. I use it at the grocery store sometimes and at the airport when dh isn't with me. I carry my 20 mos. dd in the sling, and my 3.5yo dd wears her puppy backpack. I put the fuzzy "tail" (as she refers to it) around my wrist and hold her hand. If she decides to bolt, I've got that backup.

My 2 DDs actually fight over who gets to wear the puppy backpack sometimes. They both enjoy wearing it. I'm not sure what is wrong with using it, but I follow my childrens' cues. The girls like it and it gives me confidence in parking lots, etc. I'm all for it.

 

[spero]

Oh, I'm so sorry for this stress on top of everything else. I would bet that he is responding to all the stress around him, since he probably doesn't fully understand. I hope it's just a temporary thing.

In the meantime, I am not at all opposed to "being attached" to an older child in some way. Especially if it means the difference between life and death.

Mama. Take good care of yourself.

 

[Sheal]

You said he was with you when you were helping with the memorial? Is it possible he heard some of the conversations taking place?

When us adults hurt from the loss of a family member or close person we tend to forget to allow our children the grieving process. Have you tried talking to him about the memorial and the loss of your family member? Allowing him to express what he perceives of this loss in his terms? Try asking him how he feels, what he thinks, maybe even ask him what he already knows of the situation and then explaining it on his level.

Children don't like being left out of the loop when they see their adult counterparts hurting, they want to know even need to know.

Sheal

 

[subrosa]

While I wouldn't discount the idea of stress around him having an effect, I will tell you that one day, my DD just decided she likes to run. I had her escape from me once and almost get plowed by an SUV in our apartment parking lot--luckily I caught her by the hood of her coat.

We are working very hard on holding hands all the time. (I loop my fingers around her wrist, so she can't bolt if she lets go). If she tries to let go, I ask her if she wants to get up (be carried), which usually makes her squirm, so I reiterate that she always has to hold mama's hand, and then we try again. It can be frustrating, but those are her only two choices, and she has to learn to live with them until she can be aware of the danger that traffic presents.

Just want you to know you're not alone. This is hard!

 

[littleflair]

That must have been so scary for you.

I just want to add my support for a backpack leash/harness/ sling leash, whatever. My sister lent me one for a recent trip dd and I took alone (through several airports). My dad, who had seen my sister use it in a crowded train station told me "Those are the best things ever to keep your child safe. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about using it." We practiced with it at home, similar to what some pp's said, she loved to put it on and practice buckling it and when we're using it we play swinging and tugging games with the strap between us.

I hope you find something that works out of these suggestions.

 

[AEZMama]

I'm so sorry oyou're going through all this at once mighty

Andrew does the same thing. It's been a while that he's done it. Sometimes you can ask him to stay where he is and he will, most times he thinks it's cute to run away. He does it around our mailbox area in our complex, too which freaks me out. My big issue around that is dh doesn't think it's important to show him to hold hands and not run in parking lots.

He really wants to buy one of those harness things, but I'm not at that point yet. When we're out away from home and he starts to be a 'flight risk', I warn him and he'll be put back in his stroller.

I think that this is all part of the fun of year 2. I know it must be tough with everything going on in your family. Maybe it might work for now to get one of those harness things-I saw them in Target, they make them look like little stuffed animal backpacks. Just until things settle down, and he does as well. Maybe you guys can take some time alone at a park or something where he can get some mommy time, run around without you having to worry.

Be well, April '05 mamas are all thinking about you, and take care of yourself an the new little one!

 

[Oceanjones]

I have had a few scares like that myself. It's awful! I really feel for you.

I got a doggy back pack for my dd when I was pregnant. I couldn't chase after her and screaming just makes her laugh and run faster. *sigh*

She climbs out of the stroller and just basically does whatever SHE wants unless I physically restrain her in some way.

I love the harness and when we go for walks she runs and grabs her dog. I loop it on my wrist and hold her hand instead of leading her by it.

I've tried to forego the harness a few times and it always ends with all of us hugely stressed and miserable.

Just wanted to share my experience with that!

 

[4Marmalade]

Quote:

Originally Posted by subrosa We are working very hard on holding hands all the time. (I loop my fingers around her wrist, so she can't bolt if she lets go). If she tries to let go, I ask her if she wants to get up (be carried), which usually makes her squirm, so I reiterate that she always has to hold mama's hand, and then we try again. It can be frustrating, but those are her only two choices, and she has to learn to live with them until she can be aware of the danger that traffic presents. Just want you to know you're not alone. This is hard!

That's what we do with our 2 year old dd. It's pretty much non-negotiable. We also will give her the choice of either dh's hand (if he's with us) or mine. She can also choose which hand of mine she wants. Sometimes giving her those little choices makes her more willing. She is usually pretty good about it. My ds (now 4.5 years) was much more persistent and I can remember lots of times having to just pick him up and deal with a 30 minute meltdown. Not fun

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