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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Wasn't sure which smiley to use- I got good news and "not so good but it doesn't matter" news.<br><br>
My visit today only reconfirmed my decision to leave my OB. Went I went to do the weight, BP check with the nurse, she flat out asked me if I'd scheduled my c-section yet. I told her no and I don't plan to. I said I had spoken briefly to Dr. P. about it at my first prenatal visit and told her I wanted a VBAC. Then Jan (the nurse) told me that the hospital doesn't allow VBAC's. I told her that I had spoken to them about 7 months ago and they did allow them. She wasn't sure if the rule had possibly changed so she said she'd ask Dr. P. about it. Now, I love Jan to death. In fact, I adore the whole staff- they are all super nice. But our conversation today just really irked me and I was highly irritated.<br><br>
I told her about my contractions and she said she'd have the dr. check me and do the Group B Strep test while she's at it. So I got undressed and the dr. came in. She checked the heart rate, which was good and then the fundal measurement. We chatted about the whole VBAC issue and she said that the hospital will allow them but it has to be natural, with no drugs. That was fine with me--not that it matters because I'm delivering at home anyway.<br><br>
Then, she said that we'll do an ultrasound this week to see how much the baby weighs. She said if it's over 6 lbs. 10 oz. (Skylar's birth weight) then she thinks it would be "foolhardy" to do a VBAC. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes">: I didn't say much but I thought she was full of crap. I was diagnosed with CPD with Skylar so that's why she thinks I should have a c-section. She's made it very clear that her opinion is that I'm not capable of birthing a baby vaginally. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"><br><br>
The good news is that she said I'm 1 cm dilated. Not much, but it's a start for me. I'm just happy that those contractions I've been having weren't for nothing. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> I'm clear to give birth now whenever it happens. Yay!<br><br>
Anyway, I requested a copy of my medical records. I was planning on today being the last visit but I think I'm going to keep the ultrasound and the next visit just so I can see what she says. I'm torn though. Really, the u/s isn't even necessary because it doesn't matter how big it says he is. I'm giving birth at home, not the hospital, so I couldn't really care less about planning a c-section or VBAC at the hospital. I have full confidence that I'm capable of birthing this child naturally.<br><br>
But I'd like to go to the u/s just so I can see the baby again lol. I may just cancel the u/s appointment and the dr's appointment anyway- I don't know what to do. I would like to get the results of my GBS test and my medical records first. I didn't give them my letter telling them I'm leaving yet. I'm really torn about what to do. I'll have to think about it.
 

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If I were in your place, I wouldn't go to the next appointment. The u/s doens't really serve any pripose except to possibly introduce doubts and insecurities and invite conflict. Yes, it would be nice to see the baby on the screen again, but honetly, you're going to see the baby in 3-D sometime between anytime and 8 weeks or so. That's not so long.
 

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You seem to want reasurrance. I'm not sure our opinions here are really what you want to hear. A lot of people here and on your other similiar posts are giving you lots of support to end the relationship with your M.D. You have to make the best decision for yourself and your family. If you feel more comfortable with the M.D. and the nurses you like so much, go for it! But, I am more than willing to give you my opinion everytime you ask about leaving this Dr. and how to do it.<br><br>
I have to agree with Whit. The M.D. doesn't support homebirth. The longer you continue to see him/her the more messages you'll get about birth being dangerous. When in fact birth is natural and safe and best left at home. I personally would not want my last weeks of pregnancy marred by unrealistic projections made about my birthing ability no matter how much you love the super-nice staff.<br><br>
U/S -- Remember, you will be holding your actual baby soon. I think having another medical test will only undermine your confidence. Can you just trust? Trust the baby is going to be just as he was intended to be.<br><br>
I think the band-aid needs to be pulled off quickly rather than slowly like what's happening now. The longer you wait the harder it's going to be. Just rip off that band-aid. The sooner the better -- your skin is beginning to prune up under all that plastic and adhesive. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
Don't be a M.D. tease. All this foreplay the Doc is going to want some action! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/yikes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="EEK!"><br><br>
But, all in all, it is up to you. You need to feel comfortable doing what's best for you and your family. You can continue with the Dr. until he/she starts scheduling you for a C-section or you can end it sooner. The choice is totally yours.<br><br>
I don't know what you need to support you in moving forward -- whether that be to drop your midwife or to drop your M.D. But some movement seems like it needs to happen soon, so you can think of the birth of your baby at your home or the hospital. Mentally and spiritually, they take different preparation. Aren't you sick and tired of being sick and tired of this dilema?<br><br>
Best wishes in your decision. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hippie.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hippie">
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;"><i>Originally posted by Sparklin</i><br><b>You seem to want reasurrance. I'm not sure our opinions here are really what you want to hear. A lot of people here and on your other similiar posts are giving you lots of support to end the relationship with your M.D. You have to make the best decision for yourself and your family. If you feel more comfortable with the M.D. and the nurses you like so much, go for it! But, I am more than willing to give you my opinion everytime you ask about leaving this Dr. and how to do it.<br><br>
I have to agree with Whit. The M.D. doesn't support homebirth. The longer you continue to see him/her the more messages you'll get about birth being dangerous. When in fact birth is natural and safe and best left at home. I personally would not want my last weeks of pregnancy marred by unrealistic projections made about my birthing ability no matter how much you love the super-nice staff.<br><br>
U/S -- Remember, you will be holding your actual baby soon. I think having another medical test will only undermine your confidence. Can you just trust? Trust the baby is going to be just as he was intended to be.<br><br>
I think the band-aid needs to be pulled off quickly rather than slowly like what's happening now. The longer you wait the harder it's going to be. Just rip off that band-aid. The sooner the better -- your skin is beginning to prune up under all that plastic and adhesive. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
Don't be a M.D. tease. All this foreplay the Doc is going to want some action! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/yikes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="EEK!"><br><br>
But, all in all, it is up to you. You need to feel comfortable doing what's best for you and your family. You can continue with the Dr. until he/she starts scheduling you for a C-section or you can end it sooner. The choice is totally yours.<br><br>
I don't know what you need to support you in moving forward -- whether that be to drop your midwife or to drop your M.D. But some movement seems like it needs to happen soon, so you can think of the birth of your baby at your home or the hospital. Mentally and spiritually, they take different preparation. Aren't you sick and tired of being sick and tired of this dilema?<br><br>
Best wishes in your decision. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hippie.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hippie"></b></td>
</tr></table></div>
You've completely hit the nail on the head with this. I do know exactly what I want to do- I want to have my homebirth with my midwives and I want to leave my OB. That I am 100% sure of. My problem is that I can't seem to take the steps to actually do it. I have my letter but I'm afraid to send it! How crazy is that?! I'm trying to figure out exactly what I'm afraid of. It's really silly and I know that I need to do something soon. I guess I do come here for reassurance. I love reading about everyone's experiences and it just reaffirms my idea of having a homebirth.<br><br>
I need to just stop being afraid and just do it. I KNOW that the sooner I mail that letter off and drop the OB, I will feel relieved to have this behind me.
 

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Sometimes I wish I could be doing a VBAC and going to an OB just so I could ask them what they think causes "CPD". I swear these doctors know practically nothing about physiology and the normal process of birth.<br><br>
So I notice that your appointment was supposed to be for the 3rd... have you done "it" yet? If not, I want to offer my encouragement. They don't own your pregnancy or you, they don't have any rights to either. It is nothing more than a business deal. They are no longer useful to you, and you do not owe them anything. You know that if you risked out how fast they would drop you? Drop 'em like a sack of hot potatoes! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">
 

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Oh, Artsymom --<br><br>
I can see in your post that you are ready. It must be very difficult to have one foot in each camp. Sounds like you're ready to get on with this pregnancy and focus on what you need.<br><br>
Has the mail come yet? Otherwise, you can just give a call and cancel your existing appointments. Just drift away.<br><br>
You can do this! Just think about what you have to gain -- Peace of Mind!
 

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Please pardon me for being a bit of a "buttinski"...may I offer my insight into your situation?<br><br>
Artysmom, as you stated, you need a lot of reassurance. It's sad that our society doesn't empower us with the natural process of birth and it sounds like your confidence has taken a beating by the establishment.<br><br>
I really encourage you to work through this (your confidence) in the weeks ahead b/c a natural birth requires a total surrender...a confidence in your body/yourself. You have given your OB a lot of power--your OB is working for *you* and I think that overcoming this fear of her is a 1st step for you.<br><br>
You're already a mom, so I would imagine that you have experience advocating for your DS. What I mean to say is that you will encounter situations like this throughout your life and you need to stand firmly and confidently on your convictions.<br><br>
Good luck to you! This is a big growth spurt for you...face it head-on and you will come through this truly empowered!
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thanks everyone. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> I mailed off my letter dropping my OB this morning. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> That in itself is a HUGE step for me! I feel so much better now that I know I can move forward with just my midwives. I'm still a bit nervous but at least I took a big first step.<br><br>
I think I will have a nice long talk with my midwives the next time I see them so I can get some feelings out. I'm sure they will help to reassure me even more. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Yay for you for mailing the letter! That is a big step!<br><br>
If I were you I would spend the next days and weeks really working through your deepest feelings about your "CPD" diagnosis and about the size of the baby. Work on letting go of what the doctors and nurses have put into your head, they don't know what you are capable of. If you have not already read "Birthing From Within" I would go get it and do some of the exercises, especially the ones designed to help us let go of our fears.<br><br>
I, for one, think you are going to have a wonderful homebirth. I believe you can do it and I think you're almost there!<br><br>
Amy
 
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