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<p>My 7 year old son has had problems with bullying since preschool pretty much.  One particular boy who is an age grade behind and I believe he has some sort of developmental disorder.  Starting in kindergarten my son would come home upset because someone spoke to him rudely or someone pushed him.  I was in constant communication with the teacher about it.  He's never ben one to get invited to a lot of birthday parties or playdates, and I don't fit in with most of the moms here so ds would have a friend come over once every couple of months.  Grade 1 was about the same, maybe a little bit worse.  He had friends in his class so that was great.  Still got bullied by the same boy, but I was in contact with the school and things would get better, then it would happen again and I would have to go speak to the teacher, etc.</p>
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<p>So this year, things have changed.  DS is in a class with NONE of his friends.  And of course the boy who bullies him is in his class.  Argh.  DS came home from school within the first week with a pencil lead embedded in his hand.  Brought that up to the teacher.  DS has came home from school in tears because of how he is treated.  A few weeks ago he came home crying because all day the kids referred to him as "fatty".  When I talk to the teacher she says that she is never told about these problems, that ds doesn't tell her.  I ask ds and ds says he does tell her, but they don't stop.  So the past few days it's been a BATTLE trying to get ds up and ready for the morning.  He does NOT want to go to school.  Hates school.  Hates how miserable his day is by having to go.  Says he goes and he just gets picked on and has to play by himself at recess or lunch.  A couple of weeks ago he got beat up by our neighbors girls (one of the girls is a early teen and has been begging me to let her babysit!!!).  I've got to the point where I tell DS to punch/push/hit someone back.  If someone hits you and they won't stop, punch them back.  It's sad...but he has to defend himself.</p>
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<p>He'll come home from school and he has no desire to do anything.  He doesn't want to play, doesn't want to go outside, sometimes he just wants to lay up in his bed.  It makes me so sad.  I almost feel really guilty because I am a bit anti-social and I think that because I don't make an effort to be-friend these other moms that my children suffer because of it.  It sucks. </p>
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<p>I just had to post and give a big cyber <img alt="hug2.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug2.gif"></p>
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<p>I'm so sorry to read your posts and hear the pain you and your ds are going through.  I think you need to setup a meeting with the teacher and/or principal about this.  The way all of this is affecting your ds is very worrisome and needs to be addressed.  Is it too late for him to switch classes?  If he does have friends in the other class, maybe that would help?  I think intervention is a must here.  The boy who is bullying him needs major intervention - bullies don't need punishment, but they need intervention to deal with why they are acting out this way and to find better ways to cope and behave.</p>
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<p>I would assure your ds that this is not his fault and that you are going to work very hard to address it with his school.  Do you have other options?  I'm not a homeschooler type, but is that an option for you?  If not, are there other schools (alternative or charter) where he might attend?</p>
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<p>Hang in there and keep us posted.</p>
 

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I don't know the system in BC (or Canada, in general!) but how possible is it to move him to another school?<br><br>
My DS wasn't bullied as severely as your son, but he was definitely excluded, was rarely/never invited to birthday parties, and was increasingly isolated and sad. We were able to move him to a new school. That was a month ago and the difference is enormous! <img alt="joy.gif" class="bbcode_smiley" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/joy.gif"> He's *so* much happier and more relaxed.<br><br>
If it's not possible to move him to a new school, I would *demand* that he be moved to a different class. Schools tend not to want to do this, but stand firm. You have to advocate for your kid. What's happening is *not* acceptable!<br><br>
Lastly, what about marital arts? Or are there social skills classes in your area? Those types of classes and skills could help your child become more "bully proof". To be honest, though, we tried aikido and a social skills class and neither helped that much. The best thing we did was pull him out of the unhealthy situation entirely.<br><br>
Hang in there. <img alt="hug.gif" class="bbcode_smiley" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif">
 

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<p>I am so sorry this is happening to your son.  It is really important for the bullying to stop and I hope that you get support from the school.  It's their job to make sure students are safe, physically and emotionally!  I know someone who was bullied as a child and it had lasting ramifications for her.  Her school was unwilling to help and she suffered a lot before her parents really understood what was going on and pulled her out of school.  So it is good that you know about it.</p>
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<p>A little while ago I posted a question about books to help children develop social skills (my 6-y-o seemed to be having trouble at school) and a poster recommended the book "The Unwritten Rules of Frienship", which I have since ordered and am now reading.  I like it.  It sounds like something that could help a child build up body language or responses that will help deflect dominating children.   The link at amazon.ca is here: <a href="http://www.amazon.ca/gp/redirect.html?ie=UTF8&linkCode=ur2&camp=1789&creative=9325&tag=motheringhud-20&location=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.ca%2FUnwritten-Rules-Friendship-Strategies-Friends%2Fdp%2F0316917303" rel="norewrite" target="_blank">http://www.amazon.ca/Unwritten-Rules-Friendship-Strategies-Friends/dp/0316917303</a><span style="display:none;"> </span></p>
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<p>by the way I'm not the most sociable of parents either.  I find it hard to make small talk and it doesn't come naturally to me to want to be chummy with people I don't know.  So I know the feeling.  But maybe trying to socialize is a defense strategy you can employ.  Maybe volunteering at the school, something like that, where it's not full-blown chatting, but still you're visible to others and they get to know you.</p>
 
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