My baby boy got made fun of today

2033 Views 44 Replies 25 Participants Last post by Lula's Mom, Aug 11, 2006

Mommy Piadosa

Discussion Starter · Aug 11, 2006

And I did a piss poor job of defending him. My 7 year old had a friend over. This friends mother and I are not close, but she is really sweet and kind, and they seem real protective.
He is an only child and the family is from Persia. Their home has Muslim art and books, but when I asked if he had any dietary requirements she said no.
Anyway- the three boys- (my 7 year old, his friend, and my almost 2 year old.) were playing in the wading pool together. They got out for lunch and I removed the baby's soggy dipe. He ran away from me before I could put his new one on, and around here nuduty is no big deal. Anyway I hear the friend going- "ewww he's nekkie, what's wrong with him- look it looks like a worm." My older son (who was cird by the way

) says he's just a baby be nice. "But it does it looks like a worm." says the friend. I tell the child not to hurt the baby's feelings and scoop up the baby and put a dipe on him.
I guess I should have addressed it, but is it Ok to get into a discussion of genitalia with another person's 7 year old?
What would you have done?

See less See more

1 - 20 of 45 Posts

muckemom

· #2 · Aug 11, 2006

That would be hard... I mean, getting into a discussion with another persons kid... but you could say something to the effect of, "lets not make fun of other people's bodies, because everyone is different"

The child is circ'd right? So he knows no better... but its up to the mother to have or not have the genitalia discussion with her DS on her own terms.

baybee

· #3 · Aug 11, 2006

I have a friend, local intactivist, who had an incident that was the opposite when he was about 7. He saw his friend's penis and said "How come you have that skin at the end?" and his friend said "Because you were cut."

He felt like his whole world dropped away in that moment. He was so angry with his mother and she refused to talk to him about it. Very traumatic.

I think it is appropriate to say "Some boys are cut and some boys are intact"
if a child is bringing this up. They are going to learn the truth somewhere along the line and keeping it as simple as possible is usually the best way
Baybee

kldliam

· #4 · Aug 11, 2006

I would have gone straight to his mother. I would have told her how offended you were that her child would behave in such a way. I would ask her if she could please speak to him directly and explain to him, that 80% of the planet's men are happily intact. The boy needs to be set straight or he will do it again! It is the mother's job to do that and if she doesn't reprimand him for his actions toward your child he will consider it a free pass & do it again. It is NOT ok to dismiss this incident. People must learn that it is UNACCEPTABLE to ridicule an intact male. If we don't tell them the stigma will continue...

baybee

· #5 · Aug 11, 2006

People must learn that it is UNACCEPTABLE to ridicule an intact male.

Remember this is a 7 yr old. If you know anything about child dev., 7 y.o. children say whatever comes into their heads. This matter needs to be handled kindly and compassionately or it will get way out of proportion.
Baybee

LavenderMae

· #6 · Aug 11, 2006

I probably would have said something like it "Yep it looks exactly how it should and it's not nice to say negative things about someone's body".

I had a similiar situation, my dd was swimming at a friends house and she was wearing a tank top and shorts instead of a swim suit and her tank top came up. Now she's 9 and does not have even the start of developing breast but one of the other little girls kept saying "ewwwww her shirt came up Shea is so disgusting". Okay after her saying that a few times I said "it is not nice to call someone disgusting and we as a family do not think body parts are disgusting nor are we uncomfortable with nudity, now your family might be different but it rude to say Shea is disgusting."

Super Pickle

· #7 · Aug 11, 2006

ITA, baybee. No reason to make anyone feel bad when it was just a small child remarking on something he had never seen before.

I like the suggestion to say something simple. I'd modify it slightly to "Some boys are circumcised and some boys still have the whole thing." Then he can either ask you what circumcised means ("It means part of the penis is cut off") or he can go home and ask his mom and let her explain it.

jessjgh1

· #8 · Aug 11, 2006

The child is 7 and we all know kids say it like they see it. It is not really likely that he meant it looks like a worm' to mean anything but that it resembled a worm. At this age kids say embarrasing things without intent. They might point to someone's hair and say it looks like string (ball of string)- and that might come across as pretty insulting depending on the situation.

A 7 year old may just not know how to express things that are "different" in a positive way. Isn't that just a stage-- everything that is different is simply bad/negative? Maybe he LIKES worms and didn't mean it in a negative way.

It is appropriate to bring it up to his mother. It did upset your older son.

If I foudn out that the family was saying negative things about intact penises, then yes, I would have a big problem that their son is picking up on that and saying things. Just as I wouldn't want my son, when he is older, to go around saying 'bad' things about boys that are cut, because he overheard me talking about the issue (or egads) read something I wrote.

Their family may either expect that your son is intact because he is NOT muslim (assuming they are Muslim and may have circed for religious reasons), or have the same cultural biases other Americans do.

It is also appropriate in a gentle way to explain to a 7 year old that it is not acceptable to say something negative about how another person looks.

If you felt comfortable enough with their son you coudl have talked and see what he meant and tell him that your son looks that way because that is how he was born. We all have different characteristics. (Of course, I'd have to tell the other mom, because you never know how that subject may come up). I personally think worms are cute and wiggly, it is just the dirt that makes them look gross sometimes (wink).

I don't think this was a case of ridicule, just a young child being a child.

Jessica

See less See more

Sijae

· #9 · Aug 11, 2006

I would have no problem addressing it with another persons 7 year old child. I might have said something like "yes he wasn't circumcised so his penis looks different from yours. He likes it that way." To the question what is circumcision I would answer truthfully "it's when they cut off part of the penis." I don't think kids should be babied or handled with kid gloves because you might offend their parents. I know my kids come into contact with people with different beliefs than mine all the time. I think it's important for them to learn that everything believes different things and that most of the time it doesn't matter but on some things it's important to speak up. I also think it's good for them to learn that what someone else says doesn't change your reality.

Laura

kldliam

· #10 · Aug 11, 2006

The general consesus here seems to be the old
boys will be boys mentality.

Certainly she can be kind and polite with her response! I never stated that she shouldn't, but she should be firm w. his mom that it was an inappropriate comment (no matter how innocent) and could one day hurt and offend another intact child. Boys who are repeatedly stigmatized like this by circ'd children, sometimes grow up to really resent their intact status and run to the Doctor for an adult circ. It needs to be nipped in bud.

trmpetplaya

· #11 · Aug 11, 2006

6

Quote:

Originally Posted by kldliam
The general consesus here seems to be the old
boys will be boys mentality.

Certainly she can be kind and polite with her response! I never stated that she shouldn't, but she should be firm w. his mom that it was an inappropriate comment (no matter how innocent) and could one day hurt and offend another intact child. Boys who are repeatedly stigmatized like this by circ'd children, sometimes grow up to really resent their intact status and run to the Doctor for an adult circ. It needs to be nipped in bud.

I think it was more... "7 year olds will be 7 year olds." than "boys will be boys"

7 year olds really are usually tactless little creatures

: I certainly was at 7!!! (and I was never a boy either

)

I would definitely take it up with they boy's mother and let her handle it. If it was me then I probably would have said to the boy at the time that my son's penis is perfectly normal and not to make fun of others' bodies. If I'd had the presence of mind, that is

You handled it just fine considering that I can't imagine you were expecting such a comment

:

love and peace.

See less See more

MommytoB

· #12 · Aug 11, 2006

Well, I would have talked to that child say hey how would you like if anyone called any part of your body a name wouldn't that hurt your feeling ? I actually gave a upfront lecture to my cousin daughter because she was saying she sure talks weird .

I told her 'everyone looks different, everyone sounds different,and you have to not make fun of anyone who looks different or sound different because i bet you don't like to get called names because it would hurt you right ?
She goes yes.

kldliam

· #13 · Aug 11, 2006

Quote:

Trmpetplaya: I think it was more... "7 year olds will be 7 year olds."

Yes, 7 year olds who just happened to be boys.

Mommy Piadosa

Discussion Starter · #14 · Aug 11, 2006

Thanks guys - the motehr just came by and I just let her know that Nikon had questions and was surprized, and that I was unsure how she wanted me to handle it- she said that she completely trusts me to address it if it ever happens again, but will be talking to her son about circumscision. Wheh- I thought I may have lost a potential playmate for my older son, but it all worked out.
I was so surprized- really I am so proud of my little guy's intactness- I never expected it!

kldliam

· #15 · Aug 11, 2006

Great, I'm glad you said something to his mom. It sounds like you handled it well.

See less See more

Ruthla

· #16 · Aug 11, 2006

It's also quite possible that he'd never even heard of circumcision or forskins and simply assumed that all penises looked like his. Seeing a toddler boy run quickly past isn't necessarily enough to figure out "he has an extra flap of skin on his penis that I don't have" all he might have seen was "his penis looks different from mine." A simple "don't say bad things about somebody else's body" is adequate.

I see you've already spoken to the other mom about it- it sounds like this was handled well.

muckemom

· #17 · Aug 11, 2006

Sheacoby said:
I probably would have said something like it "Yep it looks exactly how it should and it's not nice to say negative things about someone's body". QUOTE]

I'd be careful saying something like this, because then, in essence, you're telling him that what he looks like isn't "right" and (while we all know that's true

) his mother and father shouls be the ones to explain all that to him... and its REALLY not your place.

See less See more

trmpetplaya

· #18 · Aug 11, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by kldliam
Yes, 7 year olds who just happened to be boys.

Nobody said anything about boys being boys except for you, at least not that I saw... I'm confused about where you got this general consensus about "boys being boys".

Quote:

The child is 7 and we all know kids say it like they see it......
.....A 7 year old may just not know how to express things that are "different" in a positive way. Isn't that just a stage-- everything that is different is simply bad/negative? Maybe he LIKES worms and didn't mean it in a negative way.

No mention of being a boy there...

Quote:

Remember this is a 7 yr old. If you know anything about child dev., 7 y.o. children say whatever comes into their heads.

Nor there....

please specify who said anything remotely like "boys will be boys" other than you. I'm obviously totally missing whatever it is you read.

love and peace.

See less See more

bdavis337

· #19 · Aug 11, 2006

We've done this over here at my place. My five year old's best friend is intact, and my boys are circ'ed. When changing clothes to swim this summer, they've noticed and commented on each other. And as most young children do, they were silly, giggly and goofy about it. "heeeyyyy, yours looks like a triangle, why does it look all scrunched up like that?" Laugh laugh, hah hah hah, then the kicker from MY son...."so do you see that mine is bigger than yours this way?".

Simple and to the point. I told my kid that everyone looks different and the same rules apply to penises as to every other body part - be respectful and don't make fun of anyone. Friend's mom did similar and we went on with business.

kldliam

· #20 · Aug 11, 2006

Trumpet...we never see eye to eye so let's just drop it.

Thanks.

1 - 20 of 45 Posts

This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.