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My baby lived for 10 minutes

2672 Views 49 Replies 44 Participants Last post by  Emerging butterfly
I went into labor on Wednesday at 18 weeks and delivered a tiny 5.5 ounce little boy after the worst labor I have ever had. My baby lived for only 10 minutes but during that time he was very much alive. It is so upsetting to me that a few people consider that I had a miscarriage so I was oddly excited when my milk came in today because somewhere in my mind that proves that I had a baby and not a miscarriage. We are having a funeral for our sweet baby despite the open lack of support from my mil and I love that I have something that tells me my body was prepared to care for this baby and is recovering from childbirth and not a miscarriage.

I am looking into milk donation because I love the idea that my milk could help someone else's baby even though I couldn't help my own. Since I delivered at only 18 weeks it would be perfect for a preemie. Does anyone know which companies are reputable and which are not? Do they let you donate if you do not have a living baby?
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I can't answer your question about milk donation, but I am sorry for your loss
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I'm so sorry, mama. I hope that there are people in your life that will support you in the way that you need. Your mil may be responding to the grief in her own way, too, but unfortunately it's not helpful to you. I have found that some people don't know how to appropriately respond to others' grief, though their intentions are pure. I feel best when I define my own understanding of it and feel secure and validated that I have the right to do this. I hope that helps you feel strong in your conviction and definition of what happened. There are very supportive women here, and I hope you find healing, peace, and support here. I don't know anything about milk donation, but it seems like an admirable way to honor your baby's life.
Take care of yourself!
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I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family.

As to milk donation, I know our local milk bank would gladly use your milk. There are some health screening requirements but mostly for transmissible diseases. They are always looking for donors. I know many moms with situations similar to yours who decide to donate. What a wonderful thing to do.

Take care of yourself!
I'm so sorry for your loss. Your baby was born alive and was in no way a miscarriage.. don't let anyone tell you differently!
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Besides milk banks, there is also Milkshare. This is private donation between yourself and a family or families of your choice. Often, if you wish, the family will send pictures of the baby you are donating to, or if you choose a local family to donate to often you are able to meet the baby during the pickup. Just another option to consider.. I'm very, very sorry for your loss. Forget about terms.. there is no such thing as "just" a miscarriage. The loss of a baby at 6 weeks is the same as a loss at 39 weeks, and everything in between. It is the loss of a baby.
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I don't know where you are so I don't know about milk banks local to you. A La Leche League leader should be able to get information for you even if she doesn't have it in her fingertips.

To donate your milk after a loss is a huge gift from your heart. Many, many
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I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby
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So sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you, your baby and your family
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Originally Posted by Tear78 View Post
Your mil may be responding to the grief in her own way, too, but unfortunately it's not helpful to you. I have found that some people don't know how to appropriately respond to others' grief, though their intentions are pure.
unfortunately, my mil definitely does not have pure intentions. She told us we should have had the hospital dispose of "it"
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i'm sorry for your loss. i am also 18 weeks pregnant right now, so your post really struck a chord with me. take care of yourself and your family, and i so totally support your plans for a funeral.

as for your MIL's comment, she is obviously in denial. please ignore her and minimize any contact you have with her for the forseeable future, as you need to surround yourself with *supportive* people.

best of luck.
So sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how sad you must feel but what a wonderful idea you have to donate your milk. You're awesome!
I'm so very sorry for your loss, Mama.

What did you name your sweet boy?
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Thank you for all your sweet thoughts. We named him Michael Joseph.

We have had a lot of support from family and friends and we already have a strained relationship with my mil and she will not be coming to the funeral which is definitely for the best if that is how she feels.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby Michael Joseph. Surround yourself with love and support right now.
Michael Joseph
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