Mothering Forum banner

1 - 20 of 36 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
465 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
*WARNING LONG RANT THAT WE'VE ALL HEARD BEFORE*<br>
I am so aggravated right now. My friend and I are having an ongoing argument about what I choose and choose not to feed my 7 month old ds. Every day that we are together now we fight about it and things are getting worse. With my eldest ds I was very mainstream so in a way I can see where she is coming from, being uninformed, but I wish she would respect my rights as a mother to make my own decisions. I believe in self feeding, I have decided this time around that I will not be feeding my ds rice cereal or jarred baby food etc. So far he has just had avacado and banana, he prefers avacado. We don't feed him often b/c I think he may not be completely ready so about once a week we try. She has told me flat out, she doesn't think what I am doing is right. It's not just the fact that I let him self feed that bothers her, she doesn't think that it is healthy/good for him for me to feed him real food! She wants me to feed him "baby food". She has even discussed it with other women whom I do not know and then came back to tell me their view point on what I am doing wrong. But here's where it gets even more nerve wracking.....yesterday she wanted McDonald's when we were in Walmart. I told her that I would finish my shopping and meet her in there. She asked if she could give ds fries?! I said no and chose to keep ds with me while I shopped. I told her "I can't trust you not to feed him so we'll both just meet you there." When I came there she went on and on about feeding ds fries "it's just a little peice" And she tried to shove a fry into his mouth at one point and I smacked her hand. She was a little huffy but she got over it. Today our families went for breakfast and when I left the table she took STRAWBERRY off her dd's plate and fed it to my ds after DH told her not too, she even purposely wiped it on his bib so I would see when I got back. She thought it was funny thought I was uptight and proceeded to try to feed him throught the rest of the meal despite what DH and I said. I explained to her today and everyday for that matter that there are certain things that babies under a year should not have and that I choose what goes into ds,that I know he would not die b/c yes with my first ds I let him eat "baby food" and *gasp* McD's fries <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">: and started him on solids at 4 months at the request of my ped <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nono.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nono">. But that this time I was more informed and I chose as my right as his mother to try things a different way and that she could offer him certain foods that I approved. She only wants to feed him things that I say no too though. Ugh I am so sick of fighting about what ds eats! And DH and I are baffled by how she can tell me that feeding him fruits and veggies are bad for him and to only feed hin jarred baby food but she can feed him fries and desserts and crap?! After breakfast our family was supposed to go to their house so the kids and adults could visit but I told DH that he and 10 yr old ds should go without me b/c I was so wound up from the morning. He told me that he thought we should go out for a few hours and shut our cell off and phone them later and tell them we were at the hospital with ds from and allergic reaction. It was a good plan I thought but I just didn't have the patience and just wanted to go home. So when I got home I phoned my mom to vent and as soon as I mentioned the "food issue" she got on my case aswell and hung up on me!!! She thinks I am loosing it, she doesn't want me on MDC,she thinks I am being led astray with false info. She is coming around to me not feeding him jarred food. But is against self feeding and thinks I should mush his food up and spoon feed him.<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/argue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="argue">:<br>
"he will choke"<br>
"he will not learn to chew"<br>
"he will be fat like his dad"<br>
"he won't get used to different textures"<br>
the list goes on and we all here know how ridiculous that is so I will not explain why she is wrong to you. I have sent them web pages and studies and explained till my face turned blue I'm just so tired and can't do this anymore. I get enough greif from my ped who thinks he knows better, I should at least not have to argue with my mom and only close friend I have in our town. I have nothing left, I'm at the end of my rope, I just can't do this anymore. *sigh*<br><br><br>
eta:<br>
I do not want to end my friendship with this woman. Besides the food issue she has been the greatest friend I have here. She also has an injury that makes it hard for her to understand sometimes. I'm not sure if that has anything to do with this. No I do not feel like I can trust her alone with ds now and I won't let her be alone with him anymore. But I really don't want to just cut her out. Please don't stone me for that. I no longer care if she sees my view point. I just wish there was a way to get throught to her that I don't want to argue about it anymore or have her feed ds without permission.<br><br>
eta:<br>
also should put that this is DH's b/f's g/f. And our kids our friends.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15,101 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> "It's not up for discussion, if you mention it again this conversation will end." And mean it. I'm sorry you have to deal with this! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hopmad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hopping mad">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,315 Posts
wow.... he wont learn to chew if you give him stuff to chew on? how do you chew mush? and i would think avocado has more texture than mush too, lol..<br><br>
im sorry youve got to deal with all of this- and im not usually one to say stop seeing a person, but i dont think i could be friends with someone like that, who was purposfully feeding my kid stuff i said not to, then laughing about it
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,952 Posts
This window of time, the 6-12 month window, only lasts half a year. You're only going to be out of step with the way everyone else is feeding babies for a short time. Eventually, every baby learns to eat grown-up food.<br><br>
Which is something you can say to all your critics, too. Eventually, your child is going to be a full time eater of solid food. How he gets there is really not their problem at all.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
358 Posts
Um, why do you spend so much time with this woman? She sounds really annoying and not like anyone I would want to be friends with.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,049 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>ThreeBeans</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8233492"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">That's a deal breaker. I would not spend time with her or speak to her ever again.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
yep, she's no friend. get out of this relationship asap
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,327 Posts
I have to agree that feeding a child that young strawberries would be a deal breaker for me also. Strawberries are highly allergenic and I have not had them around my 18 month old yet because of his other allergic reactions. I probably would have gotten in her face right then and there and asked her why she was trying to kill my child.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,070 Posts
I wouldn't take that crap from anyone. It is your child and you get to decide what your ds eats, end of story. I wouldn't let that itch anywhere near my child if she couldn't respect my wishes.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14,239 Posts
I know friends are hard to come by but geez this woman is no friend I would break all ties with her now. I am sorry she has turned into the type of "friend" I have always ended up with and why now I have no friends at all IRL except family.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
231 Posts
You don't need to argue your case with her about which way is the "right" way to feed babies. That's not the point. The point is, she's doing something with your child even though she knows it's something you're not OK with. That's a deal breaker. If she wants to argue with you about your feeding philosophy, that's one thing but she's totally crossing the line by undermining your authority as the baby's parent.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
558 Posts
Sounds like she doesn't respect you or your choices, and IMO, that does NOT a friend make. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> Is there any way you could seek out some like minded mamas in your town, maybe through a mommy and baby yoga, or something like that? You need support in your choices, not people who try to make you feel bad or wrong (probably b/c they have their own issues BTW, I wouldn't take it personally). As far as your mom, you only get one of those, so I would just keep trying to explain your reasoning to her and I'm sure she'll come around.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,840 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>ThreeBeans</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8233492"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">That's a deal breaker. I would not spend time with her or speak to her ever again.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
I absolutely agree. I would not spend time with her or let DS near her. If this is what she is like about food, goodness knows what else she will try to undermine you about.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,112 Posts
I'm much more mainstream than most people around here, but we do baby-led feeding, so, I understand your pain. My baby started quite early (four months, on her own, I swear to Heaven above), but I still get that from people.<br><br>
If she's purposely going against your wishes, especially just to get a reaction (ie...prove how uptight you are), I'd be ending the friendship.<br><br>
My best friend and I don't agree on a lot of things, but I'm not about to purposely do something against her wishes (or vice versa) to "prove a point". Yes, my ILs have done some stuff that nearly gave me a heart attack, but it was more because that's how it was done in their time, and they didn't know anything else; not to "prove a point".<br><br>
Sounds like someone isn't comfortably with *their* choices, and feels the need to constantly "prove" that their right.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
632 Posts
I would end the friendship, or at least stop spending time with her. It's incredibly rude to try and undermine a person's parenting, whether you agree with them or not.<br><br>
If she were just trying to convince you then its one thing, but actually shoving food into your kids mouth is not acceptable. Even a lot of mainstream parents who start cereal at 4 months, don't want their kids to eat crap like friench fries.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
531 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>A Boy's Mama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8233612"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">You don't need to argue your case with her about which way is the "right" way to feed babies. That's not the point. The point is, she's doing something with your child even though she knows it's something you're not OK with. That's a deal breaker. If she wants to argue with you about your feeding philosophy, that's one thing but she's totally crossing the line by undermining your authority as the baby's parent.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Absolutely. Regardless of the issue, she has No Right to do ANY thing to your children that you have told her not to do. I hope that the two of you can find some sort of peace. I know you are trying not to loose your only friend, but you can't stay in this unhealthy relationship. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,622 Posts
I would simply stop being friends with this person. Feeding your child AGAINST your permission is unacceptable, completely unsafe, unfair, disrespectful and in shockingly bad taste. What a UA violation!<br><br>
Seriously, stop being friends with her. What if your baby went into anaphalactic shock when she gave your baby strawberry? What a thoughtless and uneducated woman she is. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/disappointed.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="disappointed">tsk<br><br>
Please stop being friends with her. What if she tries to sneak a hard candy in your child's mouth sometime in the future when you are not looking and your baby chokes? It sounds as if she is not even safe to be around.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,038 Posts
Tell her either that she must respect your choices or that you will not suffer her company. Exactly like that, b/c right now, you are suffering her company, she is making you miserable and exposing your child to potential allergens and very unhealthy foods.<br><br>
Run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.<br><br><br>
Liz
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,080 Posts
Yep, deal breaker. She more than overstepped; she disrespected you and your beliefs/wishes/way of doing things.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,706 Posts
This is one of those issues where I don't think it matters what the choice is, it's about her refusal to respect your rights as the parent. If you tried to offer a kid avocado cubes when his mom told you she believed in only feeding rice cereal at that point, it would be just as wrong. You're the parent, it's your decision, and I don't think I could remain friends with someone who refused to respect that.
 
1 - 20 of 36 Posts
Top