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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I can't recall if I have posted about this yet or not, so if I have please forgive my absent mindedness!

I am really struggling with one and only one thing for this birth...

prelabor, no prob
contractions, no prob, transition, eh...not looking forward too it but I go quick and I know it must come, so no prob...
pushing...LOVE IT
) yes I am sick and twisted like that!!)

My BIGGEST fear right now is my other kids during labor.

I don't just have a toddler to worry about, I have 6 kids... ages 12,9,7,5,3 and will be 23 months when baby is born.

The 12 yr old can help, yes but she is only capable of so much ( being as she is only 12!).

My 9 yr old is Autistic and he freaked out during my last birth because he didn't understand it very well ( he ran and hid once I started pushing...).

I am trying to prepare my kids, especially the 5 yr old and the 7 yr old for what they will see and hear...but I am worried.

The 5 yr old is a mother hen so I am not so worried about her, she'll be digging it
( at least I HOPE so, thats what I htought baout my oldest son last timeand that did not happen)

It's even more so the 7 yr old who thinks every picture I show him of a crowning baby is *eeeewwww gross!* and I don't think he is quite understanding how hard I am going to have to work when the time comes etc...

Truth is, I have stayed at home with my kids for many years, so me being not available to them is a foreign concept many times. Seriously, while I get regular time away from them, they cry when I leave ( the little ones...) they beg to come with me and they RUN to me when I get back like they haven't seen me in a week


I am OK with leaving them ( and crave regular breaks trust me) I worry about them bugging the heck out of me during labor and posisblymaking my labor stall.

While I realize that some of my problem is that I need to enlist help during labor,...thaaats easier said than done right now. We do not have family close by that can lend a hand, , well, with one exception...my SIL and her family, but she has twins that are less than a year old, so while I have asked her to be there for when the baby is born to help with the kids ( and she is bringing her dd who is 15) I still ...worry that she won't be able to make it on time with how quick I go and with her having the twins etc...in tow.

My kids are good , but they are busy, and my older boys especially fight. My 9 yr old is Asperger's and he ESPECIALLY can start an argument in 2 seconds flat that gets everyone crying and out of control.

So, anyway, my point is this, I fear that they will stop my labor.

That fear is so bad right now That I have even considered birthing elsewhere ( say the birthcenter or hospital...which isn't smart because my labors are quick, last one was 1 hour 58 minutes...then I would have to find real child care...which last time was a mega issue...we had to wait for our cihld care to get here to leave, which took an extra 30 minutes...yeah, baby was born 5 minutes after I hit the BC door last time, he was almost born on HWY 24
) not to mention I dont' WANT to birth anywhere else


But I don't want to do that, I just need some good tips, ideas to figure out what to do if I go midday and they are here. ( I am praying I have baby at 4 am *ROFL*!!!)

Anyone have any experience in this or BTDT with a variety of ages or special needs kids?

TIA
 

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Not in your DDC but can you consider hiring a babysitter for your birth? If my kids hadn't slept through my last two births I would have called my mom to watch them but if that wasn't an option I definitely would have not wanted to have to be mommy while I was laboring.
 

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Can you bring over a trusted friend or relative to be your kids' "doula" for the birth? That way, she can help the kids process what's happening, step out with one or two of them if they get a bit overwhelmed, etc.
 

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How long do you typically labor?
Are you planning an attended home birth?
Do you have relatives, neighbors, or friends with close enough relationships with your children who would be available and willing to spend time with your children during labor? They could be indoors, in the yard, at a park or even at their own houses if everyone's comfortable with that.

FWIW I'm from Michigan and expecting our seventh late fall to early winter. My my children are 10, 9, 7, 5, 3, and 1. All but possibly the 9 year old will have a birthday before this baby's birth.

~BV
 

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Do your midwives have kids (if you have midwives)? You might want to ask them what they do with their kids while they're attending the birth. Also, you may want to hook up with a church or community group and see if there are responsible youth or young adults that might be available to assist you during the birth, or if there are any local colleges. If you have time, you might be able to enlist a "mother's helper" to come and be with you and your family before the baby's born so that they're familiar to your children during the birth.

My 17yo brother has Aspergers and I know exactly what you mean when you say he can start a fight in two seconds. I'm inviting him to my birth but there will be alternate activities for him to do (mostly video games) in case it becomes overwhelming to him.

My final, last-ditch suggestion is to use the television. I don't advocate television for kids on a regular basis, but used judiciously it can give parents a much-needed break and can provide a low-cost, engaging distraction to kids who might not have anything else to do. Talk to your kids about other alternate activities that they can be doing elsewhere in the house, get special toys, movies, or games that are specifically for them to use during labor, and, for your 9yo especially, make and write out a plan for how they will cope with certain situations. I know with my brother having a plan of action in writing really helps him to cope, and we've used this technique with him for ten years or so, writing plans for school field trips that we couldn't chaperone, overnight stays at friends' houses, difficult class periods with children he didn't get along with, and even staying at home with a babysitter.

Good luck and KUP.
 

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Well, my situation isn't just like yours, but it worked out OK. When number three was born number one was 4.5, and number two was 2. I was very worried about what to do with them. In the end they really didn't care about what was going on. At the time number one wasn't dx'd, but we now know he has Asperger's. I thought he'd freak, but he didn't. He was annoyed that I took so long because he wanted the baby for himself.

We tried and tried to find someone to take the kids to their house or come here and be with them, and nothing worked out. In the end the kids were fine.

Now, you do have an autistic child who freaked during your last birth, so that's something to worry about, but he's older now and could surprise you. I'm not sure what I'll do with mine next time, but I do have a few friends who'll take them if I need them to.

Maybe your baby will come quietly in the night without waking up too many kids?

Kiley
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I am planning an assisted homebirth, with a midwife,

as far as getting someone tocome over, ugh...Ijsut odn't know anyone like that


The closet person was this person from last time,and while she came through, it IS a 40 minute drive to get here ( we live in a smaller rural town between 2 large cities...)

We have only lived here less than 2 years. most people i know...work. Thats the biggest concern, I can't ask them ( I don't feel) to take off work for that kwim?
I have a MIL who is 40 minutes away, but I would rather give birth inside a hot inferno with 10 times the pain than ever consider that
( she would also, ...stop my labor, IF she even showed up on time that is)

I think the idea of having stuff that they only get to use during that time is a good one. We may have tocome up with a *labor box*. DS does like video games, but if I snuck and bought one or two brand news ones and didn't tell him beforehand, he might just be so consumed in that nintendo that he might forget all about it*lol*
The other kids too...we have an extra DVD upstairs they could use, etc. The trickis, keeping them OUT OF that stuff until the big day comes.

The other hting I realized a little bit ago too, was school will be in session by then, so the chances iwll be even less that they will be home during labor time. My labors are QUICK...last one was 1 hour 58 minutes
: (don't hate me!) and while some of my others were induced, they were pretty close to that as well. I can handle them in early labor, its transition that I am afraid might emotionally scar them if they act out *ROFLMBO*

I will keep hunting to see if I can find someone close by. I want them to stay here though, one of my reasons for wanting a homebirth is I want to bring this baby into it's normal everyday environment...and well, she is going to have loads of peoples around, and I want it that way from day one


Hello bryonyvaughn!
nice to meet a fellow michigander whose as crazy as I am
jk
 

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Is there another MDC mama in your "finding your tribe" area? I can't tell what state you're in but maybe you should look. Maybe there are some great mamas close by that you don't even know about who could come help with your children AND be your great new friends
 

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I had a homebirth with dd3. I like labor too - so we're in the same club!


My dd1 and dd2 were home for the beginning of labor, but when things got serious my neighbor took them to her house. I didn't want to be distracted by their needs/concerns/fears, and I didn't want it to inhibit what I would need to do/say during labor/birth.

I think having the kids home for early labor, and returning shortly after baby's birth would be the best of both worlds. I'd have your SIL (is she the one with twins?) take them to her house.

I hope it works out the way you want it to.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
oh shoot I posted yesterday but my post didn't stick


Ok, I think the aksing in my tribal area is a FABULOUS idea!!
I knew this thread would help me...love you mamas so much here!!


Ok, how about this...how do you think it would work if I offered to have this person come, get to know them etc, and then offer them something in return for the favor?

My dh is a massage therapist
:
I could barter his services...

WDYT?
 

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I think bartering services is a great idea. Hopefully you'll find someone who will be able to help you out. at the least, you should get recommendations for reliable babysitters.
 
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