[churndash]

Nothing is ever enough for them - no matter how much time, attention, listening, activities, it's NEVER enough. They always want more. I say yes a hundred times but if I say no once they just nag and nag and pester and whine until I want to scream.

I am a single parent. I have no family nearby. I look forward to bedtime because it means they will finally stop talking and leave me alone.

For example, my daughter (15) came across an article about the Miss USA pageant and wanted me to look at the pictures of the contestants. I have no idea why - we don't make a habit of watching pageants. I said I was busy and frankly, not particularly interested in looking at pictures of beauty contestants. But she would not give it up. She just nagged and nagged and stood over my shoulder while I checked my email and pestered and pestered until I finally did it and then said "There! Are you happy? I looked. I didn't want to, I don't care, but I looked at the pictures now will you get off my back!"

And of course she looked very hurt and went to her room.

Something like this happens about dozen times a day between the three of them.

Even if I'm in the bathroom, they are banging on the door or passing notes under it.

They are 15, 10, and 6. Their dad and I have been divorced for a long time, and they are well used to it. They can do plenty of things for themselves, like getting juice or snacks. I work from home, my youngest is homeschooled - they get plenty of attention from me. It's just never enough!

 

[alegna]

You sound really burned out.

Is there a way you could get a regular break? Once a week a few hours on your own?

Many moms of teens wish that they could have silly sensless conversations about something as dumb as beauty contests....

-Angela

 

[Kirsten]

I hear you! Three kids constantly asking for stuff is like being pecked to death by ducks. Happens here too. I'm not a single mom, but I feel like one as my dp travels for a 3/4 of the year.

Maybe they are TOO used to having your attention? Do you ever take an hour for you? A walk around the block or go to the library or store alone while the 15 year old watches the other two?

Honestly, I've just up and told mine that I need them to stop asking me to do things they can do for themselves - "can I have a glass of milk?" "Sure, it is in the fridge." Of course sometimes I get them the milk, but I just don't think it is my job to wait on them hand and foot.

And do NOT disturb me in the bathroom unless the house is on fire or someone is bleeding! We only get such a small amount of privacy - draw the line!

At this point (mine are 12, 8 and 5), I have explained to them that I need certain things - some help with chores, respect towards me and each other, less fighting with each other (and to just walk away if they can't get along), an hour per day at the gym, kids in bed at nine. I don't think it is too much to ask. They actually have been much better - but I've done a bit of crying and yelling when I reached my breaking point. Taking care of three kids by yourself is HARD!

 

[StoriesInTheSoil]

Maybe you could benefit from some mama time. Would it be feasible to go out for a couple of hours on a Saturday and get a massage and some coffee or something like that?

s mama

 

[bl987ue]

You need to set some boundaries with your kids and then HOLD FIRM. Do they treat other people this way? If so, YIKES! If not, then they know better. I'm seeing a complete lack of respect here--it's just good old mom, we don't have to take anything she says seriously. You will be doing them a favor if you insist that they treat you with basic respect. And of course, you do the same.

 

[doublyblessed]

you do sound burnt out, mama. i understand...i am solo parenting my dc...ds is 16 mos and dd is 6.5 yo. i rarely have 'me' time. i took a hot bath alone the other night and i think it had been 6 months since i've done that...oh how i love a hot bath. i felt like a million bucks after that...

do you get exercise? maybe your kids need more too...and probably want to be w/ you even if they act like they don't and want their own thing...maybe take bike rides together? my dd and i got some nice quality alone time the other day...we went 7.6 roundtrip on bikes...it was a beautiful ride thru nature...i felt like i was on top of the world afterwards!!! endorphins are amazing...why did i not exercise like this before?!?!

yeah. sounds like maybe your kids need more playdates w/ friends so they can be away for a while and maybe even sleepovers... and you all need more R & R quality time.

i know it sucks and you feel like you don't even want them around...cuz you are just so tired and annoyed...

i'm so sorry mama. i can't stand when i feel that way......but when i sleep/nap and/or get exercise or social time w/ others' and/or quality time w/ each of my dc...it makes a world of difference. i also see a therapist regularly and go to group therapy. let it 'out', mama, or you will just keep exploding or shutting down...........................HUGS.

 

[bl987ue]

I've been doing some more thinking on this. I can see both sides, since I have a pretty relentless 8 year old. You are pretty well outnumbered! And, also, I was the oldest of 4 kids of a single mom so I can see their side as well.

They probably do feel like they want more of a connection to you, but it isn't easy with 3 of them and all the chaos of a busy family. You might start by making time for each one of them, ALONE, for a half-hour or so at least once a week. If they are getting your undivided attention for a certain period of time, they might relax a bit.

But, and this is a big but, everybody in a family has certain needs (as opposed to wants), and your needs are just as important as theirs. They might WANT your attention 24/7, but they certainly do not NEED it. You need a little time to decompress, have some privacy, and deserve the same respect that they show other people in their lives. I tell my son that if he wouldn't even consider using a certain phrase or tone of voice with his teacher, that it is inappropriate to use with me. (We are still working on that one!) So lay out what you want from them ahead of time, and what sort of consequence there will be for them if they do not comply.

Third, you need to hold firm on the boundaries. They will escalate their demands! The problem will get worse before it gets better--I PROMISE you that. They will be testing you to see if you really mean it. So no matter how much they shriek, do not unlock the bathroom door, meet the unreasonable demand, or whatever. Eventually they will realize that you mean business. Do not capitulate, whatever you do, or you will have taught them that the way to get their demands met is to scream louder and longer. Hang tough!

 

[churndash]

yeah, that's what I say all the time "do you talk to your teachers this way?"

And they don't. The two that are in school - their teachers love them. And although my youngest is homeschooled she goes to a mom's day out program twice a week and they love her there.

I do belong to a book club, and try to do things myself, like shopping. But if I do leave, they are even worse when I get pack, pouncing on me the minute I walk in the door to tell me everything that happened while I was gone.

It just seems like nothing I do is enough. No matter how much time, attention, anything etc. I give they are never satisfied.