[mamaley]

and takes things from kids of all ages, and pushes, and hits. right now she just bit my nipple. but that's another story...

anyway, she is 20 months, and we totally went through the same thing with my son. he grew out of it...nothing we did changed anything. and we tried everything!

does anyone have suggestions on what we could do so we can get her to stop doing this before she just grows out of it? because that took a while.

some things i try when she hurts another child:

1) i take all my attention away from dd and focus on the child who has been hurt. "ohhh, sally, ouch. are you ok?" i give her gentle touches.

2) i used to say "no, we don't hit. only gentle touches" and then she gives a gentle touch, or a hug. now she learned to say sorry ("dawry", which i'll admit is very cute) from her brother. but then i'm pretty sure she started hitting people so that she could give the gentle touches afterward. and i of course tried to show that we can give gentle touches any time...but it hasn't helped.

3) my first instinct, and i do this sometimes, is to scoop her up, separate her from the child she has hurt and say "no! ouch! hitting hurts sally. we don't hit" calmly but firmly.

i have an expressive face, and one parent kindly suggested that i ignore when she hits, because maybe she is looking for my reaction. what do you think?

any advice on any of this? thanks for listening. i must have missed this day in parenting school because both of my kids seem to do this more than what is typical.

 

[Piglet68]

nak....well, she can't do it if you are right there with her, right? so shadow her whenever she's around other kids. see it coming, or move fast. prevent it.

 

[mamaley]

i do. she is very fast. i often times can stop here but there are times i can not.

 

[hunnybumm]

I personally don't believe in ignoring the behavior because I feel you are teaching her that as long as mommy doesn't see, then she wouln't have any negative reaction. You also don't want the other child to feel like it is ok for them to be hit, but hopefully their mother is watching and can comfort them but then you don't want to leave room for them to disapline your child in a tone that may not be appropriate.

My DS did this a little bit, and he still does and I just kept a very close eye on him at play group. If he takes another childs toy (which happens A LOT especially when it is a car or truck, his favorite toy) I ask him for it, then I gently take it from him (he's not gonna give that toy up!) and say something like "You can take her toy, she was playing with that first, that's not nice." Then I give the toy back and tell that child "He shouldn't be taking your toy, you had it first, you can play with it now." So both children got personal attention. DS usually runs over and tries to take the toy, so I grab him and hold him, then find another car or truck that he can play with. Many times he will throw himself down and roll on the floor a little bit in protest, I just let him unless he heads for the toy again. I am sure it is frustrating for him!

When it comes to hitting, I just watch like a hawk. And like above I tell DS "No, we do not hit, that isn't nice, it hurts (persons name)." I then tell the child "Are you ok? He shouldn't be hitting you." I then rub there head, or whatever. Depeding on if the mother is there, if she is there then I let her do the comforting, if she doesn't then I do it. **Now I now a lot of people don't like the word "no", I use it because if I try and just tell him "we don't hit" etc he thinks we are just having a conversation. If I say "No" then explain why we can't do something, he understands the act isn't appropriate. Hope that makes sence!

Luckily DS is still fairly young and he isn't too rebelous yet.

 

[mamaley]

thanks for the replies.

so basically, i'm doing what i can...so just keep doing that and just try to watch her even more closely.