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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My daughter's hair is so beautiful with curls and I love it so much but she hates it! She wants her hair to be straight with a relaxer. I am uncomfortable with that idea because she is only 7 years old. In a way, I can understand why she would be happier with a straight hair because she has a really hard time combing/brushing her hair everyday.. even with a detangler. I make her comb her hair when she is taking shower/bath during the conditioner in her hair and even before she goes to bed then in the morning she'd get really grouchy combing/brushing through her curly hair. So I'd have to comb/brush her hair for her but it can get difficult when I have to feed my babies (twins) and she has to hurry to get on the bus for school. Lately, she asked me several times to straighten her hair with the flat iron before she goes to bed and she had a really easy time brushing her hair when waking up and she was really happy with the result.

I'm wrestling with myself about this and I don't know how good it would be for her hair and I feel that she is a bit too young to start doing this. I just wanted to see what others would do in my situation.
 

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How does she even know what relaxer is? My 7 year old would have no idea. Personally, no, I would not allow it. I would spend a lot more time teaching her to be happy with how she looks and loving herself for who she is. Also getting more info on how to handle curly hair. Try braiding her hair before bed. This is what I have to do for my daughter and it's easy to deal with in the morning. Children always want to look like someone else. The girl with brown hair wants to be like the girl with blond hair, the girl with blue eyes wants to be like the girl with green eyes, and so on. Teach her to love herself for who she is.
 

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Would a different hair cut be a possibility? Something she could choose that would be easier to manage? Ask her to do that first to see what she thinks and that buys some time for you to find out more about getting her hair relaxed?
 

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Relaxers can cause major damage actually to the point of hair breaking off to the scalp. I sympathize with her I have curly hair and I loath it with a passion no matter everyone else loves it I cannot it is a royal PITA and to much work and tried to have it straightened twice. The first time he checked with a small spot and it burned my hair off to the scalp. The second time many years later was a gentle straightener and it didnt work not even a little bit. If I could have it straightened I would do it in a heartbeat.

I now straighten my hair with a flat iron and LOVE how it looks and feels. I feel so free with straight hair. The problems are of course rain, humidity and the hour + it takes to straighten it all. But it is worth the effort to me. Be sure that you buy a iron spray to protect her hair or it will cause severe damage. I use 2 different kinds at once.

Having said all that and feeling like I do about my hair I would strongly consider having my dd's hair straightened if she wanted it. Thank the good Lord my dd was born with straight hair I prayed every day she wouldnt be cursed with my hair type.
 

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I'd be willing to work with her on hair styles (flat iron, braiding before bed, shorter hair that's easier to manage) but not on a chemical straightener. I would tell her straight out that the chemicals that do this to your hair are very strong and toxic. They are designed to be used for adults, and even then, I'm not sure they're a great idea for adults. For for kids who are much more sensitive to toxins? Nope, no way.

I did get some helpful suggestions when I posted about my dd's hair a while back. Dd does not have curly hair, but wavy hair, and is insistent on growing it out. Things that help:
1. Braiding it before bed. Religiously.
2. Leave in conditioner. Not just the kind that you spray on, but the kind that's made for 'defrizzing' hair.
3. Not piling the hair on top of her head when washing it, but just washing it down her back.
4. Patting her hair dry, but not toweling it dry.
 

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I have naturally (very) curly hair. When I wear it curly I never brush it. To style it I spritz it with water, flip my head down, scrunch it with my hands, and go. I can imagine I would loathe it as well if I thought I had to brush it. I personally use a good conditioner (made for curly hair) and gel. Then rewetting it is all that is needed to restyle.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
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Originally Posted by Heavenly View Post
How does she even know what relaxer is? My 7 year old would have no idea. Personally, no, I would not allow it. I would spend a lot more time teaching her to be happy with how she looks and loving herself for who she is. Also getting more info on how to handle curly hair. Try braiding her hair before bed. Thir. s is what I have to do for my daughter and it's easy to deal with in the morning. Children always want to look like someone else. The girl with b rown hair wants to be like the girl with blond hair, the girl with blue eyes wants to be like the girl with green eyes, and so on. Teach her to love herself for who she is.

You missed my point. My post had NOTHING to do with how she felt with what she looked with her curly hair.. it had to do with managing with her hair.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
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Originally Posted by pbjmama View Post
Would a different hair cut be a possibility? Something she could choose that would be easier to manage? Ask her to do that first to see what she thinks and that buys some time for you to find out more about getting her hair relaxed?

We had her hair cut to her chin and she still had hard time managing it. This time she want to have her hair longer.

I have decided that I am not going to go ahead with the relaxer. Just as I suspected that it is harmful.

One of my dd's classmate had her hair straightened with the relaxer and suggested my dd to try it. I was surprised when my dd asked me about it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
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Originally Posted by MCatLvrMom2A&X View Post
Relaxers can cause major damage actually to the point of hair breaking off to the scalp. I sympathize with her I have curly hair and I loath it with a passion no matter everyone else loves it I cannot it is a royal PITA and to much work and tried to have it straightened twice. The first time he checked with a small spot and it burned my hair off to the scalp. The second time many years later was a gentle straightener and it didnt work not even a little bit. If I could have it straightened I would do it in a heartbeat.

I now straighten my hair with a flat iron and LOVE how it looks and feels. I feel so free with straight hair. The problems are of course rain, humidity and the hour + it takes to straighten it all. But it is worth the effort to me. Be sure that you buy a iron spray to protect her hair or it will cause severe damage. I use 2 different kinds at once.

Having said all that and feeling like I do about my hair I would strongly consider having my dd's hair straightened if she wanted it. Thank the good Lord my dd was born with straight hair I prayed every day she wouldnt be cursed with my hair type.

Thank you for your post and it is what I needed to decide not to go through with it. Just didnt want my dd to have damaged hair.

I will just try the braided hair technique before bed and/or flat iron her hair but will also look into the iron spray to protect her hair.
 

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DD has curly hair too, she doesnt seem to care about it as I do her hair, what about keeping it shorter? But it will depend on what curls she has, DD's hair looks like this (Just to clarify that's not DD), maybe that will work??

Forget it, you posted about her wanting to grow her hair longer. Sorry
 

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My daughter has curly hair as well. She loves how it looks, but didn't like that it hurt to get the tangles out. My hairdresser recommended this book: http://www.amazon.com/Curly-Girl-Lor...pr_product_top called Curly Girl. It's so great! Lots of stories from women who have come to love their curly hair, some great tips for caring for curly hair, and some recipes for hair treatments.

My daughter hasn't used shampoo on her hair since January (one of the tips in the book), and her hair looks great! The ends don't get all damaged like they used to which made combing out such a pain...literally!
 

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you'll probably laugh at my suggestion so sorry in advance....

First of all is your daughter mixed? I am and I know I spent most of life wishing I had straight hair. Turned out all the guys LOVED curly hair.


I didn't get a relaxer and I don't know your daughter's exact hair type, how dense her curls are etc but I would really really suggest you put it off until she's 12 or so. I know a lot mixed kids' hair changes texture drastically during puberty--mine certtainly did and I definitely did not need a relaxer.

I now only go to dominican hair salons (yep, that's my great suggestion, don't laugh) people roll their eyes when I say I'l only let them touch my hair, but they are really well trained stylists who are familiar with different textrues and lengths of curly hair. I never been less than 110% satsified with how my hair turned out, and it lasts, straight, a good long time, even in the heat of summer. It doesn't have that "processed & fried" smell/feel that you get in a black hair shop w/all the chemicals.
 

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Oh I also wanted to add, try having her condition (NOT wash!) her hair every night before bed, and then while it's wet, finger comb it and twist it up into a bun for the night. Tie a scarf over it so it doesn't come loose and tangle. Or she can condition it in the AM before school and then use a good hydrating cream followed by a tiny bit of alcohol free mousse and it will stay pretty neat in a ponytail all day.

I use garnier fructis for the conditioner, profectiv hair cream, and whatever alcohol free mousse is cheapest, lol.

This is my "curly plan" for the last 5 years or so and so far no one has run from me screaming.
 

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There is a post in the multicultural families about this. It may be a few pages back now though.

Anyway, I don't have curly hair and my kids don't either, but I used to help my friend's daughter with her hair since she had no clue what to do with it. The method mentioned in that thread (I think its curly girl?) is basically what I showed her how to do. Rarely, if ever, shampoo. Use LOTS of conditioner. Use a stay in conditioner. Only brush it every once in awhile, while wet with lots of conditioner in it, and then make sure to create ringlets again. Keep her hair braided at night or up in a bun. Maybe braiding it during the day would help too?

Its entirely possible that if she doesn't have to endure brushing, tangles, frizzy hair, anything like that, that her whole attitude will change. If not, theres always the flat iron.
 

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I have very curly hair and I longed for straight hair as a kid. Well, for longer than that, actually. At some point I started to like my curls, but that's not the same as being able to manage them. I only started to be able to manage them within the last few years. For me, it's all about the right combination of products. I use cheap shampoo and Aussie 3 minute miracle (DEEEEP) conditioner. I rinse the conditioner out, but I have curly friends who leave it in. This is cheap conditioner, but a lot of curly-haired folks swear by it. Then I use expensive Paul Mitchell mousse.

My son also has curly (long) hair. He uses expensive shampoo, some kind of cheap kid conditioner, my expensive mousse plus cheap J&J detangler. Yes, he's 5 and a boy and uses four kinds of product on his hair. This cracks me up but his hair (mostly) looks great. Neither of us uses a brush EVER, generally just a pic.

I tried the Curly Girl stuff and it was the best I'd had until I switched to the above routine.

Our hair dresser was the absolute best source of info on all this. When I was a kid, I remember just shampoo and then I was the weird one in the family for using conditioner. Getting my hair combed/brushed every morning was painful. And my hair mostly didn't look good. My mom had no idea what to do with it.
 

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I too have curly hair and when I was a kid and pre teen, always wanted straight hair. I think it has something to so with trying new looks.
When I was in 6th grade, my mom let me get it chemically relaxed. It didn't stay straight for very long, it came out within a couple weeks...so yeah, don't waste your money...

I would go for a flat iron, and I would do it in the evening and then pull it back in a scrunchie until morning. It will last a few days, until she washes it again and she will probably love it.

I found straightening my hair to be a lot easier to deal with than my curly locks, when I was a kid. IMO, it is probably a phase.
Disclaimer: My hair has been it's curly self since high school when I decided I liked my hair curly again.. lol
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
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Originally Posted by caj View Post
DD has curly hair too, she doesnt seem to care about it as I do her hair, what about keeping it shorter? But it will depend on what curls she has, DD's hair looks like this (Just to clarify that's not DD), maybe that will work??

Forget it, you posted about her wanting to grow her hair longer. Sorry


haha.. I was ready to explain that my dd wanted her hair to grow out but was glad that you stopped yourself. LOL
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
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Originally Posted by buttercup784ever View Post
My daughter has curly hair as well. She loves how it looks, but didn't like that it hurt to get the tangles out. My hairdresser recommended this book: http://www.amazon.com/Curly-Girl-Lor...pr_product_top called Curly Girl. It's so great! Lots of stories from women who have come to love their curly hair, some great tips for caring for curly hair, and some recipes for hair treatments.

My daughter hasn't used shampoo on her hair since January (one of the tips in the book), and her hair looks great! The ends don't get all damaged like they used to which made combing out such a pain...literally!

Oh, this book is definitely a good read! I'll make a note of that! Thank you!
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
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Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy View Post
you'll probably laugh at my suggestion so sorry in advance....

First of all is your daughter mixed? I am and I know I spent most of life wishing I had straight hair. Turned out all the guys LOVED curly hair.


I didn't get a relaxer and I don't know your daughter's exact hair type, how dense her curls are etc but I would really really suggest you put it off until she's 12 or so. I know a lot mixed kids' hair changes texture drastically during puberty--mine certtainly did and I definitely did not need a relaxer.

I now only go to dominican hair salons (yep, that's my great suggestion, don't laugh) people roll their eyes when I say I'l only let them touch my hair, but they are really well trained stylists who are familiar with different textrues and lengths of curly hair. I never been less than 110% satsified with how my hair turned out, and it lasts, straight, a good long time, even in the heat of summer. It doesn't have that "processed & fried" smell/feel that you get in a black hair shop w/all the chemicals.

Yes my DD is mixed (1/2 b and w) and I hope I can find Dominician hair salon around here. I'll ask my friend to see if he or his girl friend knows if there is any around here.

Just want to emphasize.. I am not going to go ahead with having my dd getting her hair relaxed.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
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Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy View Post
Oh I also wanted to add, try having her condition (NOT wash!) her hair every night before bed, and then while it's wet, finger comb it and twist it up into a bun for the night. Tie a scarf over it so it doesn't come loose and tangle. Or she can condition it in the AM before school and then use a good hydrating cream followed by a tiny bit of alcohol free mousse and it will stay pretty neat in a ponytail all day.

I use garnier fructis for the conditioner, profectiv hair cream, and whatever alcohol free mousse is cheapest, lol.

This is my "curly plan" for the last 5 years or so and so far no one has run from me screaming.

I'll read the book first and see if it works.. if it doesn't then I'll try your method.
 
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