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... and why I'm posting here nearly 3 years later about it.
I went with a natural philosophy towards the birth. I had a midwife that I really liked and we worked well together. She was my age, university trained (at UBC's program), progressive, feminist in a self-empowerment kind of way. We really connected. I felt confident going into my 9th month that things were going to be great.
But that's not what happened. I was due Dec 29. My MW went on holidays from Dec 15 to Jan 5. She was certain I'd be late as so many first-timers are. Her partner in practice was a lay-midwife who had a very different approach to birth. She wanted to be my "mom" and that was the last thing I wanted at the time. I needed to feel like an adult in charge of my experience, not like a child being led through it by the trusted expert. We clashed right from the start.
We met early in Dec and I didn't like her from at all. I decided to just go with it because the odds of me delivering with her were at best 50/50. I figured I'd just wait it out and then my MW would be back on the case. Every appt I had with Lay-MW was awful. She refused to talk to me about pain management, threatening it would start me on the road to a C-section. No meds, no interventions or it'd be a Section. Then my waters broke on Dec 23 and I had some hind leakage. I went in for a stress test and my usual MW visit and the bag had sealed again. But contractions had started. I had posterior pelvic dislocation and just walking was difficult from about my 6th month on. Turns out I also had low levels of amniotic fluid from the hind leakage. This made the contractions very painful, even though they were more than 5 mins apart. On Dec 25, I went in for another stress test and an internal exam to look for fluid. I had blood drawn, too. Everything looked normal and Lay MW told me to go home, forget I was contracting and get some sleep. I was in a lot of pain, was unable to sleep, eat or even breathe and none of the techniques I'd learned were helping. When I mentioned my concerns, she basically told me to suck it up and again threatened a Section if I took any pain relief medications. I was already terribly disappointed in my backup midwife. We said nothing and went home. On the night of the 28th, my waters broke again and I went into the hospital again. I was only 2cm dilated. I had more blood drawn. She asked if I wanted to stay or go home. She implied if I stayed, I'd end up with a Section and that would be such a shame, tut tut. So, against my fears and fatigue, we went home. I was already tired out and afraid of the pain. It wasn't looking good. That night, I threw up countless times and lost my ability to keep it in perspective. It was a very long and lonely night. The next morning the OB on call looked at my blood work and decided I needed an induction as my white cell count had shot up over the past few days due to stress.
We came in and the Pitocin drip was started at 10:00am. The Lay MW washed her hands of me at that point. She decided I was going to be a Section because I was having interventions. That was that. Instead of sticking around to help me cope with a very unexpected turn of events, she went back to her office and completed her day's roster of patients. Leaving me and my husband alone with only the nurse monitoring my Pitocin drip rate and the fetal heart rate. I ended up labouring in a bed, on my back, tied to medical equipment. The last thing I wanted. Lordy, we felt so alone and so out of our depth. Thank heavens for that L&D nurse. She was an angel. She helped me cope, talked to me about pain management, got me as much juice and water as I needed, did so many kind things for me.
The induction was VERY hard to deal with. The drip rate was upped before I could come to terms with the pain from the previous drip rate. I had been given no information about how different an induction labour is from a natural one. It all happened so much faster than I could handle and it was really painful. The L&D nurse suggested some morphine which didn't really help. I was becoming exhausted. I was frightened and an inch away from total panic with each contraction. I agreed to have an epidural at 2pm that day. When I finally got the epidural at 4pm, even though the hospital was quiet and the anaesthesiologist was available. We had to wait for the Lay MW to come back and sign off as she was my official care provider. She told me then that I was only 4cm dilated and this would probably be a Section. I was devastated and just tried to make the best of it. After the epi went in, I got some blessed sleep. Things turned around from that point.
At 6pm, I was fully dilated. Yep. All that movement in just 2 hours. Amazing. I ended up having a vaginal delivery with only minimal tearing. My Law MW was very competent and handled my delivery well. At the end, she commented on how surprised she had been by how sensitive I was to knowing when I was contracting even with the epidural. I could tell before the monitor showed it each time. The L&D nurse explained that epidurals have come a very long way since they were first introduced.
So, while I didn't get a completely natural childbirth and I didn't get to feel in charge, I did have a vaginal delivery and I have a very healthy and happy almost 3 year old. But the experience really stuck with me. I have a deep mistrust of my body and my ability now. I've chosen to do this pregnancy with a GP who does L&D instead of the MW. I have talked to all the docs in the practice and refuse to put my care into the hands of just 1 person. Much as I adored my MW, she wasn't there when it came down to it. The person who replaced her was the worst possible personality for me and it turned what should have been a good experience into a mine-field of stress, anxiety and uncertainty.
I went with a natural philosophy towards the birth. I had a midwife that I really liked and we worked well together. She was my age, university trained (at UBC's program), progressive, feminist in a self-empowerment kind of way. We really connected. I felt confident going into my 9th month that things were going to be great.
But that's not what happened. I was due Dec 29. My MW went on holidays from Dec 15 to Jan 5. She was certain I'd be late as so many first-timers are. Her partner in practice was a lay-midwife who had a very different approach to birth. She wanted to be my "mom" and that was the last thing I wanted at the time. I needed to feel like an adult in charge of my experience, not like a child being led through it by the trusted expert. We clashed right from the start.
We met early in Dec and I didn't like her from at all. I decided to just go with it because the odds of me delivering with her were at best 50/50. I figured I'd just wait it out and then my MW would be back on the case. Every appt I had with Lay-MW was awful. She refused to talk to me about pain management, threatening it would start me on the road to a C-section. No meds, no interventions or it'd be a Section. Then my waters broke on Dec 23 and I had some hind leakage. I went in for a stress test and my usual MW visit and the bag had sealed again. But contractions had started. I had posterior pelvic dislocation and just walking was difficult from about my 6th month on. Turns out I also had low levels of amniotic fluid from the hind leakage. This made the contractions very painful, even though they were more than 5 mins apart. On Dec 25, I went in for another stress test and an internal exam to look for fluid. I had blood drawn, too. Everything looked normal and Lay MW told me to go home, forget I was contracting and get some sleep. I was in a lot of pain, was unable to sleep, eat or even breathe and none of the techniques I'd learned were helping. When I mentioned my concerns, she basically told me to suck it up and again threatened a Section if I took any pain relief medications. I was already terribly disappointed in my backup midwife. We said nothing and went home. On the night of the 28th, my waters broke again and I went into the hospital again. I was only 2cm dilated. I had more blood drawn. She asked if I wanted to stay or go home. She implied if I stayed, I'd end up with a Section and that would be such a shame, tut tut. So, against my fears and fatigue, we went home. I was already tired out and afraid of the pain. It wasn't looking good. That night, I threw up countless times and lost my ability to keep it in perspective. It was a very long and lonely night. The next morning the OB on call looked at my blood work and decided I needed an induction as my white cell count had shot up over the past few days due to stress.
We came in and the Pitocin drip was started at 10:00am. The Lay MW washed her hands of me at that point. She decided I was going to be a Section because I was having interventions. That was that. Instead of sticking around to help me cope with a very unexpected turn of events, she went back to her office and completed her day's roster of patients. Leaving me and my husband alone with only the nurse monitoring my Pitocin drip rate and the fetal heart rate. I ended up labouring in a bed, on my back, tied to medical equipment. The last thing I wanted. Lordy, we felt so alone and so out of our depth. Thank heavens for that L&D nurse. She was an angel. She helped me cope, talked to me about pain management, got me as much juice and water as I needed, did so many kind things for me.
The induction was VERY hard to deal with. The drip rate was upped before I could come to terms with the pain from the previous drip rate. I had been given no information about how different an induction labour is from a natural one. It all happened so much faster than I could handle and it was really painful. The L&D nurse suggested some morphine which didn't really help. I was becoming exhausted. I was frightened and an inch away from total panic with each contraction. I agreed to have an epidural at 2pm that day. When I finally got the epidural at 4pm, even though the hospital was quiet and the anaesthesiologist was available. We had to wait for the Lay MW to come back and sign off as she was my official care provider. She told me then that I was only 4cm dilated and this would probably be a Section. I was devastated and just tried to make the best of it. After the epi went in, I got some blessed sleep. Things turned around from that point.
At 6pm, I was fully dilated. Yep. All that movement in just 2 hours. Amazing. I ended up having a vaginal delivery with only minimal tearing. My Law MW was very competent and handled my delivery well. At the end, she commented on how surprised she had been by how sensitive I was to knowing when I was contracting even with the epidural. I could tell before the monitor showed it each time. The L&D nurse explained that epidurals have come a very long way since they were first introduced.
So, while I didn't get a completely natural childbirth and I didn't get to feel in charge, I did have a vaginal delivery and I have a very healthy and happy almost 3 year old. But the experience really stuck with me. I have a deep mistrust of my body and my ability now. I've chosen to do this pregnancy with a GP who does L&D instead of the MW. I have talked to all the docs in the practice and refuse to put my care into the hands of just 1 person. Much as I adored my MW, she wasn't there when it came down to it. The person who replaced her was the worst possible personality for me and it turned what should have been a good experience into a mine-field of stress, anxiety and uncertainty.
