[momtoS]

I have two daughters...3 years and one 5 months. The 3 year old is the one I have troubles with right now. I realize that it is a trauma to become a big sister, but she is really good with her. BUT she wants to nurse every time her little sister nurses. She also wants to stay on LONG after the little one is done. It drives me crazy. If I say no to the *boobie milk* she starts screaming I want boobie milk over and over again....

Ooops I got cut off.....
and she either wakes up the little one or just annoys me. I want desparately for her to either cut down ALOT or stop nursing. Nursing is no longer a great thing for us. I am frustrated and annoyed but it. Does anyone have tips on dealing with this? PLEASE don't suggest spending more time with her (we do alot together......to name afew...swimming, walks, park, crafts, reading, biking, baking, so I have no more time or energy to do much else....)
I have also tried the singing thing...which works but now she begs for ABC milk and then I am done. So she will nurse and then be done (most of the time). And if she doesn't get ABC milk she screams......(Screaming is a problem)
Please help me deal with her begging for boobie milk and ABC milk......ARGHHHH I am so frustrated.

 

[TanyaS]

Try having some one-on-one time with her sometime during the day, while baby's napping or after your partner is home. She is likely seeking a connection with you that has changed after the baby arrived. Others have had success with limiting the nursing. Saying yes so you don't get a fight, but limit it to the length of a song you sing to her. I think the more you say no, the more demanding she will be about it.

 

[blessed]

We have a general rule in our house that if a child starts screaming or tantruming for something - anything - they automatically DON'T get what ever it is until they've calmed down.

And there might be an additional consequence, such as - if you start screaming and won't stop when we finish nursing this morning, then there will be no nursing for the afternoon. But you have to really do what you say. When afternoon comes you have to stick to your guns or the whole thing becomes useless.

 

[foreverinbluejeans]

It is hard to hear but screaming and tantrums are parent taught behaviors. If they don't work, kids don't do them.

When my oldest was a toddler I found a wonderful book called Without Spanking or Spoiling by Elizabeth Crary. He is 28 so the book is probably 30 years old. That little book shaped my mothering and saved my sanity.

I just did a google search and there is a 2nd ed of Without Spanking or Spoiling and I've seen Love and Limits and it is also very good. I can't recommend the books enough. I had 3 children and my husband left when I was pregnant with the youngest. He is now 19, so I've been a single parent and even homeschooled for 19 years. I've gotten 2 Master's degrees and am almost done with a doctorate in science education.

By learning how to mother effectively when they were little I was able to mother them once they were bigger, stronger, and out numbered me. We had no problems with screaming or tantrums and I never used punishments like time-outs or grounding. Punishment does not teach good behavior.

I think you are having more of a mothering problem with your little girl than a nursing problem. Once you get the screaming and demanding under control you may be able to nurse both and enjoy it. I nursed a 3 year old and a baby and would only nurse the oldest if the baby was nursing.

You might look at your life and see if you are over scheduled. Your daughter might be stressed by you or others calling her the big sister and having expectations on her behavior - she has to be the helper, has to say she loves the baby, has to kiss the baby, ect. Maybe you are doing too much with her and making her to much the center of attention and then when you nurse the baby she protests?

I've read a lot of parenting books an I think Crary is the best for toddlers. The only thing I remember I didn't like was using reward systems like charts and stars. I think that is an external reward and it is better to use internal rewards - to do the right thing because it is the right thing to do not to get a star on a chart.

 

[studentmama]

Here's some great info on tandem nursing you might find helpful:
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/tandem/index.html

Juggling a baby and toddler:
http://www.kellymom.com/babyconcerns...n-toddler.html
HTH!

 

[sparklefairy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by foreverinbluejeans It is hard to hear but screaming and tantrums are parent taught behaviors. If they don't work, kids don't do them. When my oldest was a toddler I found a wonderful book called Without Spanking or Spoiling by Elizabeth Crary. He is 28 so the book is probably 30 years old. That little book shaped my mothering and saved my sanity. I just did a google search and there is a 2nd ed of Without Spanking or Spoiling and I've seen Love and Limits and it is also very good. I can't recommend the books enough. I had 3 children and my husband left when I was pregnant with the youngest. He is now 19, so I've been a single parent and even homeschooled for 19 years. I've gotten 2 Master's degrees and am almost done with a doctorate in science education.

I like both of those books too. It's been awhile since I've read them, but I remember them as being more practical suggestions and not so much theory as many also good books are (but not so much for me!)

Adventures in Tandem Nursing might also be useful.

I don't think I'd say "parent taught" but rather "parent sustained" or "reinforced by response from parent."

My hardest lesson as a mother has been that it's not my job to make/keep everyone happy all the time and that sometimes the appropriate response will intially mean stress/sadness/anger/frustration in my kids.

 

[wannabe]

Quote:

Originally Posted by blessed We have a general rule in our house that if a child starts screaming or tantruming for something - anything - they automatically DON'T get what ever it is until they've calmed down.

That. By responding to her screaming you're reinforcing the behaviour.

Instead, try holding her and lovingly and calmly explain that the session is finished, you wish that she could have more milk but she can't and you're sorry it makes her mad.

Be kind and understanding, but don't give her what she screams for.

 

[User101]

I'm going to bump this over to breastfeeding beyond infancy.