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Hugs to you Gemini!

When I saw your post yesterday, it nearly freaked me out for a second, because I almost thought I wrote it! My ds is 19 months, and he refused to nurse at bedtime Tuesday night, too!

We went through our normal bedtime routine with Elisha, which is, bath, tickle-while-dressing, brush teeth, pray, kiss Daddy, then go to the rocking chair for nursing (sometimes to sleep, but frequently these days he nurses till he's finished but is still awake, then I put him in bed where he wiggles a bit and goes to sleep on his own) then bed.

Well, he finished telling Daddy goodnight, and we went to the rocking chair, I sat down, and he decided to do pirouettes (sp?), I asked him if he wanted to rock-a-bye and have some milk. He shook his head "no". So, I told him it was time for bed now, not time to play, and asked him again if he wanted milk. He made the sign for milk, then shook his head again!

So, I asked him if he wanted me to put him in bed now, without milk....he practically ran into his room and started climbing in bed!

I tucked him in, kissed him, told him goodnight, etc....then left. He called out to me twice, and I told him (from the other room)"Nighty-night, sweetheart! Mommy loves you!"

Within about 5 minutes, he was asleep, without any crying or fussing. It was the first time he hasn't nursed at bedtime.

Dh wanted to know why I was crying when I went to bed....I tried to explain and he said something to the effect of, "Well, you have to be glad to know that he can go to sleep without you!" Um, no I don't! I guess some things can only be understood by other moms! The mixture of emotions is difficult to explain, but I know many of you have been there!

Last night, ds nursed really well, but was awake when I put him in bed. Which is GREAT IMO...definitely something I want to encourage; him being able to fall asleep on his own is wonderful, and I know I will appreciate it even more when the new baby comes.

But that bedtime nursing is so sweet to me, that I don't want to do a thing to discourage it. OTOH, I feel like I need to honor his choices, which is what I tried to do Tuesday night. If I'd pulled him up in my lap (after he indicated that he didn't want to nurse) and lifted my shirt, I'm sure he would have gone ahead and nursed. But it felt like, to me, that would have been saying he didn't know what he wanted, and (more importantly) that he didn't have a right to make such decisions, KWIM?

And, once I did put him in bed, I felt like I needed to take his decision seriously....if I'd gone and scooped him up when he called my name (it wasn't a "come get me" sort of call, more of a "are you still close" sort of call) he might have nursed then, too....and I was tempted! But I think I did the right thing by allowing and encouraging his independence, without putting the idea into his head or making him think that was what I wanted.

Last night during our bedtime routine, dh kept saying things (to ds) like, "Are you going to be a big boy and go to sleep on your own again tonight?" and so really irritated me (and I have a feeling we'll be having a major "discussion" about it before long!) because I feel like the nursing relationship is between ds and me...and as long as we are both happy with it, no one else need be involved.

I know that dh wants what is best for both of us, and he's just trying to encourage independance, but I don't agree with doing so on this issue. I can see saying that kind of stuff WRT, say, potty training (because pooping and peeing in a diaper does not, in any way, benefit ds!) but weaning, IMO, does not need to be encouraged by anyone except me, IF I decide it needs to happen before ds is ready on his own.

Anyway, just wanted to post and share my experience and let you know that you aren't alone! Until Tuesday night (was there something in the air??) I didn't quite realize how emotionally attached to nursing I am! Now I'm starting to realize just how hard it will be--for me--when it does happen!

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