My dh is pushing weaning..... Grrrrrrr!

617 Views 8 Replies 7 Participants Last post by bri276, Apr 3, 2006

toddlermama16

Discussion Starter · Apr 1, 2006

My dearest, sweet husband is definatly starting to make known his opinion that three years old is too old to still be nursing. After all, "he's a big boy now...".

Blah, blah, blah.

My son won't even turn three for another couple of weeks, and nursing is still a very important time for him. It is his main coping skill/strategy for dealing with life, and it's been our saving grace when he's been sick and not eating. We are probably nursing 3 to 9 times a day, depending on how rough a day he's having. Mind you, when we nurse a lot during a day, most of those nursing sessions are very short, and totally for comfort and reassurance.

And no offence to dh, but he's not the one who has to stay home with ds and deal with him all day long. It's easy to say all of those "helpful" remarks when you are not the one who has to implement them. And who says we have to push ds so quickly out the door into official big boy land. Let him be a baby a while longer. He's totally independent and confident the vast majority of the time, but his nursey times with Mama are really important and necessairy to him still. There is no way I could wean him right now even if I wanted to (and I don't!), without major tramua.

Not really sure where I was going with this, so if you are still reading my ramblings, thank you. I'm just looking for a little support, I guess.

Kelli

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emma_goldman

· #2 · Apr 1, 2006

I already know I'm going to face this. I've been warned by DH. <HUGS>

Try making all your DH's favorite foods often?? <laughs>

Isn't it a choice for the primary parties to make? After all is said and done?

Sending love out to you!

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PhoenixMommaToTwo

· #3 · Apr 1, 2006

I know what you're saying, mama. With our first, I told my dh that I was only going to bf for the first year (1st time momma and I really hadn't done in depth research) and when we hit a year and then went past, he started to let his opinion be known that he wanted my boobs back (his words, not mine), but I stood my ground and eventually, he began to understand and is now super supportive of me. It took awhile though, and many a late night pow wow. Hang in there, keep telling him the facts and I'm sure it'll get better!

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toddlermama16

Discussion Starter · #4 · Apr 1, 2006

Thanks, PMTT. And welcome to MDC!

And Djwratha, thanks for the support.

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turtlemama77

· #5 · Apr 1, 2006

It seems that when most dh's are pushing weaning, there's some underlying issue that has pretty much nothing to do with actual breastfeeding. I think I'd try to find out what your dh's issues are, besides the whole "big boy" thing. Is he a reader? Mothering Your Nursing Toddler is a pretty good book that talks about toddlers and their needs at each stage of their lives, and there's also a section about fathering your nursing toddler. Maybe he'd be willing to read a few excerpts from there?

Do you have other support in real life? LLL or other breastfeeding mama friends? Maybe you could talk with them too about how they've handled pressure to wean (the book I mentioned also addresses this issue).

Take care!

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Penelope

· #6 · Apr 2, 2006

This might sound...sneaky. But in your shoes I'd make nice to dh - go out and get a sitter if you can, make sure he's feeling loved and attended to, put some extra energy into the marriage.

Might be the talk of weaning will just disappear, you know? Sometimes "you should wean him, he's old enough!" means "I want more attention from my wife!" Sounds silly, but it's worth a shot.

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PhoenixMommaToTwo

· #7 · Apr 2, 2006

You're welcome and thank you,

. I agree, maybe he's really saying that he wants some attention too. Men can be big babies, especially when it comes to boobs

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roseselene

· #8 · Apr 3, 2006

I don't have any sage advice, but just wanted to give you a ((hug)). I guess I'm lucky. DH has already said that he thinks EBF is a bit "weird" but he has no intention of trying to get me to wean either. Sure I'd like him to be 100% supportive, but at least he doesn't plan to push weaning. Maybe if you went to kellymom.com and found some of the positive benefits of extended nursing and printed them out for your husband?
Amy

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bri276

· #9 · Apr 3, 2006

ask him, not in an argumentative or condescending way, just in a curious or matter of fact way, to find you some research or evidence from a reliable source that shows ways that extended bf'ing could harm your son. and offer to show him evidence that supports the opposite.
lots of guys think this way. it's our culture. it's hard being a mom who wants to do what nature intended vs. what our totally un-natural society views as normal. just keep up the good work. you are doing what is right for your son- even if it doesn't feel right to your DH, maybe if he had some more info it would help him change his mind.

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