Mothering Forum banner

1 - 20 of 35 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,256 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
My older sister has been talking for a week about going to the county fair with our Mom even borrowed our double stroller (she has a 1month old and a 16month old) For the last week I've been half hoping that Mom would call me and invite me too. I guess I'm not all together suprised that it didn't happen. I'm just really hurt. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, she's always treated me like dirt, even more now that I have set up firm boundaries. But geez I'd like to be included on family things too. I just called my sister they are still at the fair, with My Mom little sister Mom's hubby and our Grandparents. Nobody said "hey we're going to the fair at such and such time why don't you meet us" It hurts not to be included. Just another "I hate you" action from my mother...I was a possesion growing up...but once she had me she didn't want me. She tried to destroy me when I told that hubby number four had been raping me for damn near 4yrs when I was 16. She took his side followed and supported him through the trial cried when he was convicted screamed at me and called me a liar turned my grandparents away from me. When he went to prison (for min 30yrs max 60yrs) suddenly everything was supposed to be better. I had gone to a foster home after the trial in February he was sentenced in April and they somehow tracked me down through newspapers and graduation announcments and showed up at my hs graduation all smiles and lovey dovies.<br><br>
There is so much underlying animosity from my Mother towards me. She refused to come to my bridal showers (both of them) she said she didn't know she was invited to the rehearsal and dinner (when isn't the mother of the bride invited?) and was late to my wedding.<br><br>
She was downright evil when I was pregnant with Cooper (neg. preg tests until 10wks) saying it would be best if we didn't have a child, and once I got a positive test she was all smiles and happy. She yelled at me when we got pregnant with Whittaker saying "Rebecca Ann, You stupid idiot why the hell did you get pregnant again...irresponsible...." I hung up after that and cried.<br><br>
Why do I keep putting myself in the way of her poison? In the hopes that Maybe someday after 24yrs of life she might just think I'm worth something...that someday I might be worthy of her love...why.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,362 Posts
Some people are born into crummy families. You got a bad deal in that department - to say the least. It is not about you; it is about her. I would cut my losses and focus on the positive people in your life. You can have a "family of choice" if you kwim. My kids' Grammy and Gramps are in no way biologically related to us - their son was my best friend in high school. Do you have any people in your life who do love and care about you unconditionally? Go in that direction. You will likely never get the love and acceptance you want from your mom. I am so sorry about that - but would hate to see you try all your life to get what she can't give. It sucks. But it doesn't change the fact. Don't let her hurt you anymore. Just walk away with your head up and live your life surrounded by people who can love you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,764 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> awww-I'm sorry she's being so ugly to you. BTW-your boys are adorable. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,946 Posts
I really don't know what to say except for <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,962 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> to you! But you sound like an awesome person despite her toxicness (yeah not a word) you're a very strong person to rise above all that!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,009 Posts
Becca,<br><br>
Sorry to hear about your relationship with your mom. I too know how hard it is to let go of not only the desire for a happy, normal family, but to let go of the hope that it will ever happen. To keep expecting that maybe, just maybe this time, things will be different. Maybe you'll get treated the way you deserve to be treated, maybe you won't get hurt....and then to slam into reality that no, things haven't changed. To be disappointed, then frustrated with yourself for allowing yourself to invest your emotions and "set yourself up".<br><br>
I know that what you're going through must be very hard for you, but keep reminding yourself that it's NOT your fault, you don't deserve to be treated like this, your mom is the one who is out of line, and that most likely there is NOTHING you can do to fix her (that's up to her).<br><br>
A thousand hugs to you. Have you thought about therapy or do you currently go? It sounds like your mother (and other family members?) have really not been there for you, have had plenty of issues of their own, and have had a negative effect on your life, especially as a child.<br><br>
Distancing yourself might help...if something like this happens in the future, make plans on that day, keep busy, and when it pops into your mind, say something like "Mom has issues. Right now she is unable to act kindly to other people. She cannot treat people nicely. It's not my fault."to yourself. That kinda helps with me, but I'm not gonna lie, there is still that sting of rejection...but keeping your mind off it does help a lot.<br><br>
Hope everything works out....<br><br>
Kelly
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
43,705 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> I'm sorry you have such a <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/censored.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="censored"> for a mother.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,323 Posts
You keep putting yourself through it because you are a good person. You think, "hey, maybe this time it will be different." You have hope that maybe, this time, it will be the way it's "supposed" to be. I've been there, I know.<br><br>
Let it go. Find a way to be happy in your life, without the people that bring you down. Take them for what they are, expect no more and no less than that. It sucks, but there is nothing you can do about it. I'm sorry <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,256 Posts
Discussion Starter #10
thanks ladies.<br><br>
it's so hard to just walk away...she's my Mom ya know. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
473 Posts
Oh mama... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I don't know what to say, but my heart hurts for you. I'm sorry. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,393 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> This is sad, sad, sad. I'm inclined to agree with the others that closing that chapter of your life might be best (i.e., no more contact with mother, or very *limited*), but if you don't want to, you don't want to.<br><br>
If I can try to put this as respectfully and kindly as possible, your words sound like what an abused adult child would say/feel. Sounds like you might benefit from a support group or individual counseling. <i>Not</i> that there's anything wrong with you or the way you are handling it, just that it might be nice to have some support from somoeone confidential and totally on your side. Best wishes.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,256 Posts
Discussion Starter #13
I am an abused adult child...or an adult abused child...so that's a good reason to sound like one I suppose.<br><br>
You are right about one thing though...time to go back to therapy.<br><br>
It's like an onion you peel away one layer feel better for awhile then you have to go back and peel off another. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> hate it
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
446 Posts
First I want to say <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br><br>
and second what a strong woman you are for peeling back the layers of your onion
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
19,789 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I'm sorry your mother cannot give you what you deserve.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
45,396 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> May I suggest you find a new mom? I'm not being facetious - I have a substitute mom here.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,630 Posts
I just wanted to offer a <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> and say how sorry I am that you're hurting like this. No child- young or adult should ever be made to feel responsible for someone else's ugliness. Your babies are lucky to have you for a Mom- that's much more important & you're obviously wonderful at it!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,328 Posts
i agree with chersolly and irishmommy. i don't know if it's really emotionally possible to "adopt" a new mom, but it seems like it would be helpful.<br><br>
and go to the fair with someone else.<br><br>
hugs for you. i'm sorry she hurt you (again).
 
1 - 20 of 35 Posts
Top