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My older sister has been talking for a week about going to the county fair with our Mom even borrowed our double stroller (she has a 1month old and a 16month old) For the last week I've been half hoping that Mom would call me and invite me too. I guess I'm not all together suprised that it didn't happen. I'm just really hurt. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, she's always treated me like dirt, even more now that I have set up firm boundaries. But geez I'd like to be included on family things too. I just called my sister they are still at the fair, with My Mom little sister Mom's hubby and our Grandparents. Nobody said "hey we're going to the fair at such and such time why don't you meet us" It hurts not to be included. Just another "I hate you" action from my mother...I was a possesion growing up...but once she had me she didn't want me. She tried to destroy me when I told that hubby number four had been raping me for damn near 4yrs when I was 16. She took his side followed and supported him through the trial cried when he was convicted screamed at me and called me a liar turned my grandparents away from me. When he went to prison (for min 30yrs max 60yrs) suddenly everything was supposed to be better. I had gone to a foster home after the trial in February he was sentenced in April and they somehow tracked me down through newspapers and graduation announcments and showed up at my hs graduation all smiles and lovey dovies.<br><br>
There is so much underlying animosity from my Mother towards me. She refused to come to my bridal showers (both of them) she said she didn't know she was invited to the rehearsal and dinner (when isn't the mother of the bride invited?) and was late to my wedding.<br><br>
She was downright evil when I was pregnant with Cooper (neg. preg tests until 10wks) saying it would be best if we didn't have a child, and once I got a positive test she was all smiles and happy. She yelled at me when we got pregnant with Whittaker saying "Rebecca Ann, You stupid idiot why the hell did you get pregnant again...irresponsible...." I hung up after that and cried.<br><br>
Why do I keep putting myself in the way of her poison? In the hopes that Maybe someday after 24yrs of life she might just think I'm worth something...that someday I might be worthy of her love...why.
There is so much underlying animosity from my Mother towards me. She refused to come to my bridal showers (both of them) she said she didn't know she was invited to the rehearsal and dinner (when isn't the mother of the bride invited?) and was late to my wedding.<br><br>
She was downright evil when I was pregnant with Cooper (neg. preg tests until 10wks) saying it would be best if we didn't have a child, and once I got a positive test she was all smiles and happy. She yelled at me when we got pregnant with Whittaker saying "Rebecca Ann, You stupid idiot why the hell did you get pregnant again...irresponsible...." I hung up after that and cried.<br><br>
Why do I keep putting myself in the way of her poison? In the hopes that Maybe someday after 24yrs of life she might just think I'm worth something...that someday I might be worthy of her love...why.