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Becca, just a <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> . You've been through so much more than anyone should have to deal with. Love to you and your babies!
 

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hugs becca<br>
Sorry about this- go to the fair with your hubby and kdis-you will have a blast- dh ds and I went- and it was awesome!<br>
Emilie
 

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Discussion Starter #23
Thanks for all your kind words and support. I e-mailed my old "spiritual director" (he's a retired college proffesor and minister who has special training dealing with adult children of abuse) He gave me a reality check...I wish I didn't need it but it was what I needed.<br><br>
Thanks again.
 

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It doesn't look like someone has recommended reading Toxic Parents. I read it cover to cover without ever putting it down. It's an amazing book. It will help you understand that her attititude towards you isn't about you, it's all about her. It will give you strategies for dealing with her anomosity towards you, and will aid you in cutting her out of your life is that's what you choose to do. Read it. It will really help. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Oh honey, I'm so sorry you are having to go through all of this. My mother isn't even close to as bad as your mom but I have definitely been excuded from outings like that. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>coopnwhitsmommy</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">It's like an onion you peel away one layer feel better for awhile then you have to go back and peel off another. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> hate it</div>
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It's so true. Healing just continues and continues. I cut off my mother when I was 16. I can tell you it accelerated my healing process so much. It does suck to have no mom but it would suck more to have a shitty mom who's hurting me, kwim? I've also found some really great, strong, loving women in my life. A lot of them have influenced my parenting and how I live my life.<br><br>
As cheesy as it sounds you have to love yourself and be strong for yourself. Toxic people just cannot be a part of your life if you want to heal and be happy.<br><br>
Hope this wasn't overstepping here. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent"><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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I agree about the book Toxic Parents.<br><br>
Also, I am currently reading "Mohters who drive their Daughters Crazy" by Susan Simon Cohen adn Edward M. Cohen. I am seeing not only my mother but my grand mother in this book. I am seeing a family pattern.<br><br>
I also understand that the reason they are so mean is I do set boundries and don't back down. I have learn to be true to my self.
 

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I'm so glad I didn't offend. I wasn't sure if you knew you were abused, and I didn't want to be presumptuous. You're really brave for getting the help you need even when it hurts, and for being a better mom to your own children. I hope you get some healing out of parenting your own children peacefully.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">: to you.<br><br>
I second reading Toxic Parents, though I have not read it yet, it is on my list as well. I keep going back for more because of my dad, and because like someone said, this time it will be different.<br><br>
Why could your sister not invite you though? Not to say your mother couldn't but you should also be asking questions of your sister as well.<br><br>
I hope you can get to the core of the onion and come to terms with what kind of relationship will be the healthiest for you and your family. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">:
 

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I'm so sorry, sweetie. Even though your mother is horribly awful, she still has the title of MOTHER and you want her love because of that. Hopefully you've gone/are going to counseling!!
 

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Discussion Starter #31
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MamaBug</strong></div>
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Why could your sister not invite you though? Not to say your mother couldn't but you should also be asking questions of your sister as well.<br><br>
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I asked her that last night on the phone actually. Her response was "well I wasn't sure if you wanted to come or not, you didn't let on one way or another" Which is true I wasn't real OOOOO Pick me Pick me. about it...I was pretty nuetral because I wasn't sure if this was a Mom and Rachel thing, but knowing now that "everyone" went hurts. I would have liked to be invited even if it was just a Mom and Rachel thing...you know a "girls" night but again I wasn't OoooOooHH I wanna go too. because I was unsure.
 

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See I don't live near my family but if I did and my sister did just say, hey do you want to come I would be hurt too. If she was planning something then it was HER job to invite you not your job to ASK to go, kwim? I am very sorry she did that to you. You should make it clear to her that in the future you would like to be asked to attend things that are going to be for the whole family and not just her and your mother. I assume she is aware of the relationship you have with your mother and that is why you might not have been willing to horn in on something that could have been a private day. I think you would do well to have a nice chat with her if you can.<br><br>
Again I know how it feels to be left out of things and it's worse when it's family. Hang in there <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s:
 

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I 2nd what Irish said. Except well...it's hard to find a surrogate mom. Raised with a crappy mom myself I struggle to form relationships with women. I'm not 35. I've just finally figured it out.<br><br>
I am closer to my MIL and not my own mom. But still I only see MIL once a year if that. Since dh and I were married, I've seen her twice (we've been married almost 7 years). I will see her 2x this year taking that up to 4 x.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao">....If you read what I wrote closely..."I'm not 35." HA! I <i>am</i> 35. Guess I'm in denial.<br><br>
But again <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Just wanted to give you props for breaking the cycle of crappy mothering. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><br>
What she did by turning her back on you (after a person <i>she</i> brought into your life hurt you so badly) is just freakishly unnatural and evil- IMO. I doubt you'll ever get what you want & need out of a mother/daughter relationship with a person like that.<br>
I'm so sorry that you still want your Mama <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying"><br><br><br>
... she doesn't deserve you <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 
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