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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Well, I knew it was coming... my sister got me on the phone on Saturday and ranted and went on and on about our decision to try for a homebirth. I apologize if I am just venting but I am sure I am not the only one in this boat. My older sister is all about birth being a medical event. She is currently a SAHM but has worked as a medical lab tech in hospitals for years. I would have preferred to just not tell her but we are in the process of moving back East and will be staying with her from Wed-Sat of this week. In that time I am meeting with 3 homebirth midwives so difficult to avoid this all together. I won't get into the details of her argument but basically it was the "won't you feel bad if your baby dies" and "birth should be managed" and "doctors are justified in putting women on a timetable and managing their labor... how could healthcare cover the costs otherwise". I get very passionate about this subject as here is another woman advocating that it's okay to tell women they can't birth normall. If she brings up the subject again while I'm visiting I am just going to say, I acknowledge her feelings but its not up for discussion.<br><br>
Anyone else in this situation with their family?
 

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Ugh, I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I agree - "not up for discussion, please pass the bean dip!"<br>
Fortunately my family is supportive, but I used to know a woman who said that the only reason women chose homebirth was because they didn't get the type of care they wanted in the hospital (well, duh, I thought. Turns out she meant they couldn't have an elective cesarean here in Germany. She successfully lobbied to change that), and that any woman who said she had a good birth experience was lying. ok, pass the bean dip!
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
PlaidLeopard- thanks! Other than my mom and DH, most of my family is not supportive and DH's family is completely not supportive. Thankfully there is a language barrier there plus they don't live anywhere near us so they can't start a dispute with me on the subject and I only talk long enough on the phone with them to find out how they are.
 

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I can commiserate. My mom and sister and both nurses and sis is especially bad as she works in an OB's office. Of course, my area has a shortage of homebirth midwives as they have to be undercover, so I still haven't been able to find one yet. As far as Mom and my sis are concerned, I'll be delivering in a hospital, but ideally, after the fact I can say that Baby was born at home.
 

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We told them via email and included a link to a hb article "for anyone interested in learning more about homebirth". The first words out of my mouth when anyone questions our decision will be: "did you read that article I sent you? What did you disagree with? Please pass the bean dip."
 

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Karen that really bites! I have a different perspective after working in the hospital and attending deliveries. I have given birth to all my kids outside the hospital because of all I saw. I really applaud you for doing what feels right to you. I am sorry your family isn't supportive. Maybe once you move you could try to find a homebirth group so that you could have some RL support? Even if one person is supportive it can make all the difference. I am so lucky to have so many supportive people around me. I wish the same for you.<br>
Wendi
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Sabo- thanks for commisserating. We currently live in CA and here CNM's can do homebirths but I'll be moving to the Boston-metro area (Can you say 10K high tech hospitals ) and in MA direct entry midwives are the only legal option. Good luck with finding a midwife.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>sanguine_speed</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7927974"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">"did you read that article I sent you? What did you disagree with? Please pass the bean dip."</div>
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Thanks, I will have to try this one out. I mentioned the BJM article and she said she didn't care what those studies have to say.....hmmm... I bet if I send her the link though, that she would read it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
lactivist- I applaud you as well for birthing at home. I am very blessed that DH and my mom view birth as a normal process that doesn't require tons of Drs and nurses to step in. DH also feels like I do so much better when I am in my own environment without lots of people poking and prodding at me. I spent 90% of labor with DD pacing, rocking and resting on the floor against pillows and either in the tub/shower. I can't picture myself laboring in hospital room crammed with equiptment and nurses walking in and out. If I do end up at a hospital I am lucky that DH is not a sheepish guy who would let them talk down to us. He would be the guy that security would come to get because he'd be telling them to leave us alone.
 

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I agree "bean dip" time <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
My dh handled it well with his mother. He was on the phone with her and told her that they could talk about it this ONE TIME and that after this conversation then it would not be brought up again. I am surprised that it worked but it did.<br>
She never brought it up again.<br><br>
I actually wanted her to bring it up. Homebirth is one subject that I feel I can debate well. I have read enough and have enough ammo that I could hold my own even with a nurse.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Candice- I think my DH handled it in much the same way as yours. My husband is the total black sheep of his family so I think that at this point they are used to his shock sticker decisions. I have been reading and reading and can argue in favor of the decision but some people can be given every fact in the world and still won't change their mind. I am going to send her my favorite links and just leave it at that.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>KarenMT</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7928361"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Thanks, I will have to try this one out. I mentioned the BJM article and she said she didn't care what those studies have to say.....hmmm... I bet if I send her the link though, that she would read it.</div>
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My midwife wrote that article. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/luxlove.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="throb"><br>
unfortunately, she's off the 2 weeks prior to my due date <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> .
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Sanguine_speed: please send my regards to your midwife on that article. I was reading about how the American JAMA flat out refused to even consider it. The American consumer doesn't realize how much information is kept from them. It is one of the best research articles out there right now. I am sure there are many other studies that can prove the safety of homebirth but they are either denied funding or denied being published.
 

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OT, but I'd love the link to that article, if someone is willing to post it!<br><br>
I'm a nurse in the hospital, and have not been quiet about having had and planning to have homebirths. I've had the gamut of responses, from "You are CRAZY" to "Interesting" to "Cool". Some of the docs just cannot get over it, though, and try to engage me in debate about it every time they see me. I blow them off.<br><br>
Thank goodness family doens't give me a hard time. Harder to blow them off.
 

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I'd also like the link to the article if anyone has it! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">:
 

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I got so tired of arguing with ppl I just stopped telling them or basically told them if they didn't have something nice to say about it dont say anything at all. Once I figured out to stop letting ppl argue with me about it I had a much more pleasant pregnancy.
 

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Awww, Karen! I am so sorry. My sister (who has no children BTW) has been very critical of some of our parenting decisions, and as much as I don't want to let it bother me, it still does!<br><br>
I agree with the "one conversation" principle. If she tries to bring it up again, you could remind her she already shared her opinion on the topic, but this is your (very informed, very well-researched) decision to make.<br><br>
I hope she will either be willing to accept your choice or at least be willing to keep her opinions to herself!
 

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<a href="http://www.bmj.com/cgi/content/full/330/7505/1416" target="_blank">http://www.bmj.com/cgi/content/full/330/7505/1416</a>
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Daceysmomma- thanks for your thoughts. I spoke to DH and said that if the subject comes up that I'll be saying "we already discussed, you have very different opinions which I don't see changing, please pass the bean dip". Not going to get into the discussion again.
 
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