My first rant....thoughtless comments!

s to you Leatherette!!!

It is truly amazing what people think is okay to say...really the nerve of that woman.

I know that my dd did that too. Still does in fact and she is 31 months. I think it is related to developmental milestones. When a step is taken away from the mom in terms of development the child may actually want to be closer to the mom during that time.

What a stupid woman.

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HUGS!!

I totally agree with this. It seems that my DS was always fussy during milestones. I always thought it would never get better but lo and behold it always did. Hang in there Honey!

Oh Leatherette! to you!

So, was this person actually trying to insinuate that by following cues, and therefore picking up your dear fussy daughter, that you were somehow causing the behavior itself? ACK! DOUBLE ACK! *sigh*

Most every baby goes through fussy times. The only thing anyone is "doing" to create the situation is your DD herself... she's growing up! My lasting memory of babyhood with DS is of a very happy and content baby. However, there were definitely several (if not many) times he went through fussy/clingy periods, usually related to developmental milestones, growth spurts or teething. Also, his separation anxiety reached a peak between 7 and 10 months. I, in turn comforted and held him at every opportunity, whenever and for as long as he needed. Period. Mountain Mom's explanation of the babe's point of view is right on. Milestones are big things. Babes need comfort during them. If they get what they need when they need it, they won't be spending their entire existence trying to get it... they can be freed up to actually enjoy the freedom of self-security and comfort within one's own skin once they are ready to do so.

I'm sorry this woman made such a thoughtless comment to you, and I hope you see fit to put it out of your mind.

to you.

I've had my load of crappy comments too. I won't add anything because I feel hurt today, and adding my grief to yours won't help,
but again

Thanks everyone. I felt weak letting her comment get to me, but a sad baby weakens me, what can I say?

L.

Leatherette- It never ceases to amaze me how absolutely thoughtless and rude people can be. Unbelieveable...

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This is a classic example of how "a little knowlege is a dangerous thing".

While it is true, that *similarities* between genetically related sibs are greater than *similarities* between non-genetically related sibs....this does not mean that all DIFFERENCES are due to "environment". In fact, there is just as much variation WITHIN a set of genetically-related individuals as there is outside that set.

The book "The Nurture Assumption" by Judith Rich Harris describes this in great detail as one of the gross misunderstandings the public (and many social scientists) carry around with respect to what, exactly, genetics can account for.

I'm sure that girl thought she was being helpful, in a "scientific" sort of way...but she was just wrong on both counts (not helpful, not scientific)!

Leatherette,

I beg to differ... in feeling empathy for your sad DD, and responding to her needs immediately, you are anything BUT weak.

Em

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I totally agree. Meeting to your baby's needs make you a great mom.

Lots of to you!

Why do people actually think they have the right to say things like that??

Leatherette, what did you say in response to this rude woman's comment?

I never have a good reply ready when such things happen to me. So when I see these stories, I try to think of a good zinger to use in case it happens to me. hehehe

I'm sorry this happened to you. Keep responding to your baby's needs. I have a story similar to thirtycats' story. My 19mo needed to be held constantly as a baby. We co-slept, I had to hold her during naps even if I stayed awake, one of us had to hold her while we ate, she nursed about 22 hours a day, she screamed as she sat in the bouncey seat during my showers, etc. This was true for most of her first year. Of course, SIL, along with FIL and MIL, insisted that we were "spoiling" her and she'd never learn to be "independent." Well, today I took my 19mo to a new doc's office (new doc for me), and she walked up to everyone in the waiting room, talked to them, and offered them her crackers and sippy-cup. She has finally become what AP-ers have always promised me: an outgoing, self-confident child. SIL's 4yo, who was (forced to be) so "independent" as a baby, is now fearful, clingy, and dependent. Ok, I realize some of that could be the age. But for my own sake, I like to think it's the detached parenting. (Not that I'm happy that the kid is like this. I'm quite sad for him, actually.)

Yea, but dh and I are the bad parents.

She sounds lame. I mean, geez. I dont' even know what to say, except my ds was always fussy when teething, and that was what... 5 months to 25 months? Hmmm.... It is easy to let the comments get you down, but remember you are a good mama!

Both of my kids went through phases, from around 8mo to 12mo and then again for a few months after, when all they wanted was to be held. I remember crying sometimes when I was trying to make dinner and not burn/cut any little fingers but the little ones just wouldn't stand for being put down. It was very frustrating. I did get a good idea from one mama about if you need to do something specific, like make dinner, take a shower, etc.. have a special box of toys that they only see for that special time, that they REALLY like. (I made some homemade rattles (recycled water bottles))

But, we basically had to just wait it out...walking helped, and getting a few words helped even more. Most of the time they are ok now, sometimes Gabi (18mo) still gets frustrated, but mostly she just gets in a kitchen chair and talks to me while I cook.

As for the rude comment, you did what you should have done, don't engage her it won't help anything. She obviously doesn't know as much as she thinks she does. Chin up!

Leather, I'm sure by now that you know you're a great mom and some people must have had VERY unattached parenting themselves to be so unable to nurture...

and Corvus:
"Of course, SIL, along with FIL and MIL, insisted that we were "spoiling" her and she'd never learn to be "independent." Well, today I took my 19mo to a new doc's office (new doc for me), and she walked up to everyone in the waiting room, talked to them, and offered them her crackers and sippy-cup. She has finally become what AP-ers have always promised me: an outgoing, self-confident child. SIL's 4yo, who was (forced to be) so "independent" as a baby, is now fearful, clingy, and dependent. Ok, I realize some of that could be the age."

My 4 yr old is much like your 19 mo old. She is the most outgoing child I have ever seen, so it's not the age She is still underfoot in the kitchen and I love it; it's where she learns best. DS is much like y'alls high needs babies, but as long as I meet his needs (to the best of my abilities ) he is also a pretty outgoing little guy in public. He still wants me to be the one holding him, but he does "talk" to strangers

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Sorry you had a rough time!