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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
The mall shootings in Kansas City. I don't have a TV so I just found out this afternoon. The female victim in the parking lot was a dear dear friend of mine and right now I am numb and want to throw up.<br><br><br><br>
But the question is -- if I decide to fly out for the funeral (which I am leaning towards doing) and I of course bring my DS with... what do I tell him?<br>
He's already seen me crying all day and I just said my friend was sick. My step dad lives out there so he would take care of DS while I do the funeral stuff... but should I just act like we're having a random spontaneous vacation? I don't want to scare him, but I hate lying too...<br><br>
I can't think straight right now... I am too sad and freaked out. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:
 

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I'm so sorry. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/candle.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Candle">
 

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If he does not yet understand death (at his level) then I would just continue with the fact that your friend is very sick and that you need to visit with her.
 

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Oh, I am so very sorry for your loss. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
As for your ds, just tell him that a friend of yours went to Heaven (if that's what you believe) and that you are going to the funeral to say goodbye. You don't have to give him the details, you can just leave it at that.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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sorry for your loss.... i guess it all depends on your dc's level of understanding... u really could just leave it alone for now and continue with your friend is sick.....
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I'm so, so sorry for your loss. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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I'm so sorry for your loss, boatbaby. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I'm so sorry for your loss.
 

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How shocking! I am so sorry this happened <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I believe in telling kids the simple truth no matter what their age. You don't need to go into details.<br>
Again, I am so sorry.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/candle.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Candle"> I am so sorry. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I am so sorry.<br><br>
I would be totally straight with my dc.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> I'm so sorry.<br><br>
Don't lie to your son. You don't have to give him details, but don't tell him anything that isn't true. "She died because she got very badly hurt" is a lot more honest than saying she's sick.
 

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I didn't even hear about this. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
I'm so sorry for your loss.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Thanks for the support and advice mamas!<br><br>
I just talked to a friend who is in the area and watching the TV news. Another mutual friend was interviewed and they said on the news that when my friend's mom found out she lost it so badly she had to be hospitalized.<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bawling.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bawl"><br><br>
I.cannot.even.imagine. what she's going through.<br><br><br><br><a href="http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070430/ap_on_re_us/mall_shooting" target="_blank">http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070430/.../mall_shooting</a>
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> Oh Boatbaby, I am so sorry. I guess what you tell your son really depends on what he understands about death so far. The best advice I have ever been given is don't provide more information than necessary. Answer his questions as simply as possible and only elaborate if he asks more questions. A simple answer of my friend was hurt very bad and she is now in heaven (if you believe in heaven) may be all the explanation he needs.
 

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I am so sorry for your loss. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/candle.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Candle">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Your ds is close to dd's age. We just did a funeral- an aunt passed away. We just didn't really address it a lot. Explained that there would be a part where we needed to be quiet and people would be sad and things like that.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
-Angela
 

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