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My 17yr old DS left home. He packed his stuff and left while I was at work, didn't leave a note or call to let me know what was going on. I was able to track him down at his girlfriends house (who he has been dating for all of 2 weeks) and he AND this girls mother informed me that he had no intention of coming home. Ever. Now if he were graduated from high school, I wouldn't have such an issue with this, but he still has a year left. The police and the juvenile court both informed me that there is nothing they nor I can do under Michigan law because he's 17 and no longer considered a juvenile in Michigan. However, the juvenile court pointed out that I am still responsible for his safety and support until he turns 18. WTF?? I don't get it. He can legally move out but I'm still liable for him?<br>
My heart hurts so bad and I can't stop crying. I know that I've done all that I can at this point and that I need to let him go to learn things his way, but it still hurts to know that my baby is gone and is making some poor life choices.<br>
There's so much more to this story, but it would take a small novel to fill in all the details. I guess what I need are mama hugs and advice on how to get through this pain I'm feeling.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br><br>
If you can contact your DS, let him know that you still love him and he can move back in if he wants to.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I'm so sorry you are hurting. Will keep you and your son in my thoughts and prayers.
 

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That is heart breaking to hear. Even though our children do some selfish things it's best we are never selfish towards them, that way we lead by example. Let him know that mom is there for him, you don't even have to reach out that far. Children know and he'll come running back to you, you'll be his first choice.<br><br>
As they age though, we have to realize that their life choices are just that, theirs.
 

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oh mama, i'm so sorry. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Many hugs for you! I agree call DS and tell him how much you love him and don't give up hope!
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Oh mama, I'm so sorry!<br><br>
My DS will be 17 next month, and I worry about this every time we argue over what he perceives as ridiculous, overbearing rules of the house.<br><br>
Hope yours gets his head out of his butt, realizes how much you love him, and comes home soon.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I agree with everyone else that the thing to do is let him know you love him and he can come home whenever. That's the only thing you can do. And go easy on yourself.
 

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I agree, let him know you are still there for him and hopefully he will come to his senses and come back.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I'm so sorry <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> Those laws make no sense to me!!!! Also,how can the gf's mother have the audacity to jump in the mddle of things??!?<br><br>
I worry about this with my son, he occasionally goes into rages and is selfish (as it is age appropriate to be) I feel for you ((((hugs))))<br><br>
we are all here for you
 

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I was wondering, too, how one mama could do that to another mama. She must get some sort of self-righteous gratification out of it.<br><br>
Laws for teenagers are really strange. In NC parents are legally responsible for their children until they turn 18. Teenagers under the age of 18 have to get worker's permits in order to get any job. However, at 16 a teenager can drop out of school without the parents' consent. The most outrageous is that at age 16, if one gets in trouble with the law, it's mandatory that one not only be charged as an adult but also be treated as an adult. That means that a 16yo who is arrested is automatically thrown in the adult jail!
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> My oldest is 17 and I can't imagine how much it would hurt - my heart aches for you.
 

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hugs!!!<br><br>
the system is so weird. You'd think there would by something that could help get your ds back where he belongs.
 

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I'm sorry mama. Just let him know you love him and he's always welcome home. That's really all you can do <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
That would break my heart too. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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My son moved out too. He tells everyone that we are not the problem just that he wants a different lifestyle. It is hard. All you can do is keep communication open, we have to be very careful not to be judgemental about his lifestyle. Then go on with your life and keep yourself strong.<br><br>
My older daughter did this too and it was really painful for a long time but now she is a wonderful daughter and deeply regrets the time she spent away from us. She had to figure it out for herself though and nothing I could say or do would sway her.<br><br>
I did it to my parents too. My parents did it to their parents. I guess we have a family pattern <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> . In the end we are all responsible, caring people.
 

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I moved out of my mom's house when I was 17 and it was one of the best things I could have done. Granted, I did a lot of stupid things afterwards but overall, it was good for me. I am the hard headed type that HAS to learn on my own! haha Yes, it did cause conflict and possibly grief for my mom, but we are relatively close now and I am 37.<br><br>
Maybe it would help to look at the reasons why he needed to move away. Back then, I would have said to get away from my mom but really, I needed to get away from everyone and everything. I need space to think. I know it sounds crazy but I did. I had very few rules at my house and did what ever I wanted so I can't even say that it was because my mom was domineering or anything like that. I needed to get out of the town I lived in and distance my self from it in order to find myself.<br><br>
I just wanted to offer you a different perspective in hopes that it will turn out to be something very good for him. I am mature and responsible and have pretty much been since I moved out. I needed to sink or swim in order to learn it, maybe he does too.<br><br>
Blessings to you,<br>
Jodi
 
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