my husband wants to know....

I have no proof, but I think yes, there is a bond. My husband named our first the moment she was born, it was like she told him, not me. We are now co-sleeping with our third and all our babes have spent most of the time between me and there daddy. My husband likes being so close and able to cuddle. He says that his favorite time when they are tiny is when he keeps them asleep with cuddling while I am taking a bath, sooo cute!
There is most likely science to prove or disprove, but I see a bond when my dh holds his kids.

Robyn to Eric
:bf mama to Raven 6 1/2, Dakota 4, and Zebulon 6 weeks

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Well the people who say this have never seen my dh in action with his Sweetpea. He is VERY in tune with her and she just LOVES her Daddy! She is only 8 wks old but already responds to dh with smiles and coos and her eyes light right up when she sees him. I think it all depends on the father. My sister had the biggest piece of sh!t for a husband who probably held his babies twice before abandoning them. Those kids wouldn't know him if he walked in the door right now (and that's a good thing).

Sounds like your dh has a very good bond with his little boy!

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awww, how cute! my dh loves that too!

I'd love to see some science on this, though, do you think it's been researched?

I'm an adoptive mom with no biological connection to my child, but I had "mother's instinct" from day one. I believe our connections to our children are as much spiritual as physical. I think the physical things like the hormones are tools, but I think there is so much more to it than that.

I too always heard the thing about cosleeping babies not sleeping next to their daddies, and it always bugged me because I knew what they were getting at and that the reasoning involved would extend to adoptive moms too. Personally, I don't buy it. I think the baby's safety in a co-sleeping situation has much more to do with things like how sound of a sleeper each parent is. My ds always slept between dh and I and there was never a problem. The only thing was that dh asked me to be sure that I woke him up and told him if I was putting ds into bed next to him so that he would be aware.

My dh was actually the one that institued cosleeping in our family. I wanted to but was scared--he was the one who brought ds in the very first night and cuddled him close. For months, ds slept curled up in the crook of dh's arm.

I do think there is a difference in the connection that I have vs. dh's. I don't think one is necessarily "better" than the other, but they are different. I think there is something innate in women calling them to "mother", because in my case it can't be chalked up to pregnancy or birth.

yes, most definitely.
my DH was worried about that too. He even believed his mother when she told him he needed to give DD bottles so he could bond with her... But there's no doubt in my mind that he had a really close bond with both daughters from day one, even if he wasn't sure it was there. It's very obvious now.

anyway, I love watching them sleep - DD and DH almost always will be laying in the exact same position, with the exact same look on their faces. If one rolls over, the other one does too.

mackinsiesmom wrote:

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Wow! Except for the truck part, and my ds is a ds and he's a baby everything rings true with my dh and ds

Lovingmybabies, I think Dr. Sears means that because your baby has been in your womb and is accustomed to your breathing, it probably makes sense to keep him next to you. However, I see no reason a sensitive father can't perform the same function (especially if the mother is absent) if necessary. Although babies probably prefer their mothers as newborns over their fathers.

My husband is very sensitive to our son and when we sleep at night (we co-sleep) he seems aware of him as well. Sometimes ds falls asleep nestled in the crook of his arm (it's really cute). Months before I used to worry that dh wouldn't feel him but I think he does, although maybe not as acutely aware as I am to ds.

Cheers,

Absolutely. Actually, sometimes I'm jealous of the connection that my dh and ds have! From the first moment he held our son, there was a bond that amazed all of us. I am so thankful - I think the bond between them makes him an even better dad (if that's possible!)

MY DH is the greatest with our 8 month old son. From the time he came home from the hospital he asked when wed have another.WOW! Anyways he always feels bad if he doesnt get home for lunch to play with DS some, he does bathtime with him every night and makes up songs ( ive let friends hear on the phone its soo funny and cute) he will do what ever in his power to have him smiling ( though NOT very hard to do) DH will carry him while on all 4s pretending his a monkey with him .. DS thinks its the greatest. My DH loves to surf so early in the mornings when we wake up he changes DS diaper then goes to check the surf together ( this is on the weekends) . today we bought DS a bike seat and DH wanted it on HIS bike He is the GREATEST DADA and HUBBY i might ad. He is really so truly giving and loving. So to the point of your post.. YES they bond.. My DH bonded with our DS as soon as we new we were pregnant he started reading to him at night and singing OH MY ( the song tracie morgan sings on saturday night live Mr space man or something) From then on our world has changed. I m so proud and lucky to have such a wonderful man in my life.... Tonight though i feel bad as when DS went to bed we were gonna have 'A DATE' however I thought DS would wake to eat soon so we waited well DH finally got tired and went to bed and can you beleive DS still hasnt woke up LOL : guess i should have had 'the date' with DH

Michele

Just from a scientific point of view, I would venture that pheromones have something to do with familial bonding. Pheromones are chemical scents put off by our bodies - they change along with homone levels. (ie - how male dogs can sense that a female dog is in heat) Obviously we aren't as awarely sensitive to these as some animals with a greater sense of smell, but we all produce them, and unless you've had your adenoids removed, we all sense them.
Think for a minute how animals recognize family groups by smell. I would think that biologically related persons would be capable of subcoinsciously relating to one another by familial smell. (Even un-related people work this way - females who spend a lot of time - think college dorm - together will see a synchronisation of their menstrual cycles.) Mothers can recognize their babies by smell, and babies their mothers. I think that there is most definetly a physical bond between babies and dadies, esp. in regard to "smell factor". Now I'm curious and may actually have to research this further.

This came to me at 130am (I think...I can't see the clock at night) as DS woke up sobbing (bad dream).

I think that men definately have a bond with their children. It is society that treats men like they have no bond and are a 'danger'. Like the co-sleeping thing. I think that they recommend that babies sleep between their mommas and a wall or whatnot because society has attatched a stigma to men that they are the "non involved fun parent". Lets face it, according to the mainstream society we live in, men are portrayed as useless in the day to day care and nurturing of our children. Look at those stupid commercials for some big store's sales. Those "where is your mother" commercials. Pl-ease, why treat men like they are incapeable of taking care of their offspring. Men should be offended to be portrayed as imbeciles when it comes to their children.

Why is an immediate bond between a father and their newborn such a strange thing for society to comprehend? Are fathers really that detatched? Some are, but most aren't. It is that whole a few rotten apples thing.

Personally, DH took a while to 'bond' but as soon as the babies look at him and smile, he melts. When DS slept in the sidecarred crib, he would wake up, crawl over me and head straight to cuddle with daddy. Now, he hears the garage door open and he drops everything to run to dad. DD smiles whenever dh comes near her, even if she had been crying in my arms. Daddy is magic to my kids. He is involved as much as he can be and HE was the one comforting DS in the middle of the night. Not me...I deal with DD in the night