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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am almost afraid to write this, as those of you who've read my previous posts regarding my in-laws are probably starting to wonder if they are for real. Well, guess what???<br><br>
My birthday was on Sunday, MIL comes over to give me my card. She comes up to the door and YELLS "JIMMY!!!" I go "SSHHHH" (not shut up or a stern BE QUIET, but a simple shh) because Maddie was sleeping. She comes in gives me a hug and leaves. Well, the next day, dh gets a phone call from her and she tells him that she needs to talk to him. He goes over there (we live across the street) and gets attacked (verbally) by his mother. She tells him that "she's done," that "she felt uncomfortable in her son's house." Why you ask? Because I said "SHH." Meanwhile, it was ok back in the day when her neighbor had a small baby and MIL told everyone and her brother to "shut up b/c the baby's sleeping." She then starts on him about how Maddie isn't getting enough to eat, that we're crazy for not giving her her shots (we aren't going to give her the chicken pox), that his other gram was offended b/c I didn't walk over and point out to dd that "this is your g-ma!" (another long story), that his step dad was offended when we told him that dd couldn't have ice cream at BIL's child's christening party, that she was offended b/c all we gave Maddie at said christening party was some chicken. That I need to realize that "all babies are different and Jessie needs to stop huffing an puffing whenever they suggest something that we should do with Maddie (I don't even know where this came from, I keep my feelings to myself) and I could just go on and on.<br><br>
DH came back over and was furious. He said that she said that she's never going over to our house again. FINE BY ME!<br><br>
SO, I decided to call BIL's gf and let her know about how MIL picked up her baby's pacifier (which fell onto the grass where the dogs relieve themselves) off the table and stick it into the baby's mouth after DH tells her it was on the ground and then making a comment that "well, it's clean now!" I also wanted to ask the gf if I ever make her feel like an inadequate parent and if I ever told her what to do (MIL said that) and she said that I never once did any such thing. The gf went on to tell me that every time she is over MIL's house, all she and DH's g-ma do is tell her that "Maddie is starving, we're crazy b/c we're not going to give her her shots, she needs a pacifier, she needs a bottle" and get this, that Maddie is SO PALE b/c all she eats is breastmilk.<br><br>
She said they went on and said that we have no baby food over here (which is a lie, I have baby food, jars and homemade). The gf asked them if we had jarred baby food and they said, they didn't know. That is a LIE. MIL brought over a bag of baby food jars not too long before all this happened.<br><br>
Well, DH goes over to his g-ma's house (also across the street) and tries to talk with her, b/c if he tried to talk to his mom, it would've been a screaming match. Well, even this was no use. She said that dd needs a paci, a bottle and that maybe she doesn't want to suck on you all the time. She went on about how MIL is very upset, we (b/c I eventually came over) said that so are we. She said that no one ever said that DD was starving (another lie). She said that she told MIL that if she has any parties up there and we are invited, that she won't be coming, but that she doesn't know how MIL will do it b/c she is always helping MIL with her parties. DH told her about MIL saying that I must feed dd in the bathroon (see part 2,684,743,145) and how upset he and I was and she told him that "there should be a degree of modesty involved." She said that she "doesn't care if I want to bf until dd's 5, but that she needs other things to suck on." I'm holding her to that statement. She also made a comment about a mother "not wanting to let it go" that dealt with nursing a baby. She kept saying over and over that "we must be bad parents (like we were saying this b/c we disagree with a suggestion they make) and we told her that neither one of us ever said that. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><br><br>
There is so much more that I can't remember right now to even write about.<br><br>
If you've made it this far, you deserve a medal.<br><br>
I think, no, I know, I'm done with them. I could care less if I ever speak to or see any of them again. My concern is, who else are they telling that we are "starving dd" and are these people thinking we are incompetant? And, would someone actually call and report us? Not that we have anything to hide, dd is happy and healthy. I tell you what, if that happens, watch the news cause I'll be on it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/demon.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="demon"><br><br>
On another note, I went to my first LLL meeting last night and I must say that it was WONDERFUL being around like-minded folk. I will be going again. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Thanks for reading and listening to my very long rant.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
I remembered something...<br><br>
DH's gma also said that "I spend too much time with dd" and that dh and I have "no time for each other." How they know this is beyond me.<br><br>
Just something else.
 

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Yuch. I'm sorry that you have to deal with all of that, and that you all live in each other's neighborhood! I couldn't do it!<br><br>
I don't blame you for being done with them. Blood is blood, not family, IMO. Family are people who respect and love you, period.<br>
That is who I choose to surround myself with.<br><br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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After you have cooled off, you could (okay don't think I'm crazy) call your MIL and say, "Ma, (or whatever you call her) I'm so sorry if you felt put off that I shushed you when you came over the other day. I really didn't mean anything by it, the baby was sleeping. I heard from G-ma that your feelings were hurt. I wouldn't want you to feel uncomfortable coming to our house." (All true except I think the last sentence! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">)<br><br>
Then see what she says. If she tells you that you are starving your baby, that you are this-ing and that-ing again, then whatever, you gave it your best shot. (Don't engage her in conversation about what the baby should eat unless you want to know the opposite of what to do!) If she's receptive and accepts your apology, keep it short and hand the phone to your dh. That might help get you out of this mess with her.<br><br>
All new grandmothers criticize new mothers, which is bad, but it seems like they can't help it. Some also do it behind the new moms' backs, which is much much worse. Some also do it about things that are just ridiculous, like telling you that you shouldn't breastfeed but you <i>should</i> smoke while you are pregnant, that you need to vaccinate but you don't need to wash off a pacifier, etc. Your MIL is all of the above. She is the most idiotic of MILs. You are right and she is wrong. But if you can make peace with her, you should. To make your life easier, not hers.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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that sounds like a really tough situation..<br><br>
wow i like captainoptimisms idea, but if it backfires..... lol
 

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They will miss you if you move one day. You make their day. You give them someone and something to talk/bitch/gossip about. you make their sad lives interesting. You intrigue them. Check my vent in TAO, Ican relate in many ways, but if you wanna laugh:<br><br>
The PALE comment: My Moms family is racist and predominately whote of Polish descnent (some other Euro mixed in, some middle eastern but the yare white in their eyes-nother story). My Dh is dark brown Latino. The yfreaked about him, yet when DD was small-they freakin complained that she and I are TOO PALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I admit, the pigment trained missed her stop, but the ysaid we needed to tan....yest they have color issues?!?!
 

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catlvr, have you considered moving?<br><br>
What a freakin' nightmare. I'd feel bad for you, except that you seem to be handling it all so well. You sound like a great mom.
 

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If she is not talking to you... I would leave it alone!<br>
(My mom isn't talking to me for similar issues and I am not touching it! She can not talk to me for the next 50 years and I will be just fine!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> - if not better.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes">: )<br><br>
Also, I would MOVE. I mean it! No ammount of financial hardship can make up for this stress on you and your family. When you look back on these years, this is NOT what you will want to remember.<br>
Trust me- I *know* how it feels. We are moving thousands of miles away in a few weeks and it is the best thing we ever could have done! (Incase you are wondering, I was publicly uninvited from a family vacation for BFing my four month old DD, and it got progressively worse until they tried to take our kids away from us thru the courts- because we are such evil people with all the BF ing and AP going on over here. They are currently "keeping records" on us and the only thing they ever have to write down is we do not always answer our phone when they 'know' we are home. We must be soooo evil, huh?<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes">: )<br><br>
Anyway- even if you just move half an hour away or whatever- you should go!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> So there is no saga part #3589302810382!!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Sorry I haven't replied earlier, I was out yesterday with *gasp* my mom!<br><br>
Believe me, if we could move, we would. We are in the process of redoing our kitchen and the room is a total disaster....no one would buy this place with the kitchen like it is. I've told DH that when we move, I don't even want to tell them where we're at.<br><br>
I know now that pretty much his whole family is against me. DH's stepdad said that the family has said that the reason that DH is sticking up for me is because we're married....ummm, isn't that what he should be doing? He said that it doesn't take a manual to parent. He says this b/c I look things up and research and find facts to help support our choices. I'm very tired of hearing about how me wanting to be educated is an obsession and is not a good thing. His stepdad also said that MIL is very upset about all this. You know what I say, SO WHAT, she has no reason to be upset about any of this. DD is NOT her child, she is mine and my DH's.<br><br>
I know someone mentioned about having a talk with her, I would but MIL and esp her mother are IMPOSSIBLE to talk to. I'm not just saying that either, it's the honest to goodness truth.<br><br>
I did have one other thing that I forgot to mention. When I told BIL's gf about the pacifier and BIL asked his mother about it, she denied it and she told BIL that "if you are going to start questioning what I do while I'm watching your daughter, then I just won't babysit for you then." The GF was pretty upset about that. I think it's only going to be a matter of time before <i>that</i> relationship goes down the tubes.<br><br>
Another thing, they've said that DH and I have made parenting VERY hard for ourselves. I guess b/c we want to spend time with dd and always have her with us that we've made it hard. Whatever.<br><br>
Believe me, I cannot wait for the day when we sell this place and get away from these psychopaths.<br><br>
Thanks for all your replies, ladies. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Oh, no. Not THOSE people again!!!<br><br><br><br>
Ugh!<br><br>
They are really annoying and I am so sorry you have to deal with their baloney yet again. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br><br>
No advice. Just another <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">.<br><br><br>
What you are doing is what is right for your family and that is all that matters!!!!!!!
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">did have one other thing that I forgot to mention. When I told BIL's gf about the pacifier and BIL asked his mother about it, she denied it and she told BIL that "if you are going to start questioning what I do while I'm watching your daughter, then I just won't babysit for you then." The GF was pretty upset about that. I think it's only going to be a matter of time before that relationship goes down the tubes.</td>
</tr></table></div>
OK, here is my two cents. You need to disengage. It doesn't matter what mil/gf/bil says. You need to make peace with the fact that this (part) of the family is dysfunctional. They are who they are. If it is possible, simply be polite if you have to see them, but don't talk to anybody about anything. You are allowing poisonous people to be in your life- and by including the gf in the whole saga, you are participating in the dysfunction. You need to stop it cold by not talking to them or being around them anymore than you have to. I hope this doesn't sound too harsh, but I've been there. You need to be with healthy people and you need to stop investing any emotional energy in this.
 

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nmom2boys said it perfectly. as did venalanatomica.<br><br>
there is nothing you can do to fix this situation.<br>
there are ways to make it a little more bearable, maybe, but it sounds like a giant vicious circle of crap. i agree that the best thing for you and your family is to get away from all this grief, quickly.<br><br>
yikes.
 

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Your situation sounds like an episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond" without the love or humor.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
I agree with the suggestion to just step out of their vicious circle. Be polite, nothing more. Do not talk about them, do not add to the gossip. If you and BIL's GF get along, great, be friends with her, but leave the topic of MIL and GMIL out of your mutual lives. You will both be the happier for it.<br><br>
And good for your DH knowing whom he is to be supportive of! He is to be commended. Of course he's supposed to be "on your side".<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 
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