[mamaduck]

I grew up with this friend -- we've been close since we were toddlers. We live 2 blocks away from each other with our own families now, and it is very convenient to swap childcare regularly, and to drop in for visits frequently. However, my 2 children and her 2 children do not seem to want to get along. We've been working hard on this since our oldest kids were born 7 years ago. I can't quite grasp what the issue is, but our children are all pretty mean to each other, and very reluctant to make an effort to get along.<br><br>
I do believe that children should be free to choose their own friends. But I'm having a hard time figuring out what is making them so resistant to these kids from such a young age. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
Giving my kids the freedom to stop being friends with her kids would significantly limit my long standing friendship with *her.* <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> Any experience with this, or suggestions?

 

[Teensy]

I understand your problem. My 4 year old and a good friend's four year old do not get along either.<br><br>
But, I think there is a difference between asking children to be friends and asking to be civil to one another while the adults visit. I certainly think you should be able to request that at least the older children are civil to one another in each other's homes - even if this means they basically each play alone.<br><br>
Some things that have worked better for us are meeting on common ground (playgrounds, late breakfast at Chic-fil-a, beach) and planning activites for the kids at home (decorating cookies, arts-n-crafts, etc.).<br><br>
Good luck finding some common ground so you can keep your friend!

 

[mamaduck]

The older two are more successful at civility than the younger two are. So I guess we should attribute that to our efforts. OTOH -- I think they are both civil and resentful, and I feel badly about that.

 

[Marsupialmom]

You are not around these people everyday so this should ease your guilt of their resentment.<br><br>
This is one of those life lessons. Sometimes you have to be around people YOU DON’T LIKE. You have to still act civil and respectful. This does not mean you have to like them.<br><br>
You two give your children a lot. If you need each other for your own sanities then your children will survive if for not other reason their mom has a good friend to count on and reduce stress.

 

[MamaBug]

I agree they need to learn that sometimes we are stuck with ppl we don't like. Such as at work or in school. My good friend and I are realizing that our 6 yr old sons are really not cut out to be friends, funny since that is how we met each other :LOL We are trying hard to find ways to get together without them and when they have to be together they just have to make the best of it. I hope that the two of you can work it out, a true friend would realize that your childrens taste in friends should not be a reflection on how you feel about her, kwim?