Mothering Forum banner
1 - 16 of 16 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
49 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So ... currently my husband is working in a job he doesn't like very much. I'm a little mad at him because he has the opportunity to get paid to go to school for 18 months, and could find something else to do, but he refuses to think about it. Anyway--he's unhappy, and gone all the time. I'm home with our little ones. SO ... my problem with homeschooling is that I don't want our kids to learn that "an unschooling, free-learning lifestyle is only possible based on one family member's suffering and hard work." If that makes sense.

I'm trying to also take some online classes, but we both don't want to work in the normal sense--we'd like to learn small-scale permaculture and farming and so on. I don't feel like we'll "really" be able to homeschool well together until that happens ...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,134 Posts
If your husband were to accept the school opportunity, would that automatically nix the homeschool option? If not, then I think the lesson is just that we all make choices in life.

Amy
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,557 Posts
My dad worked at a job like that. He always complained about it; worked long hours; and felt that he had to do it. My mom stayed at home (didn't homeschool, but was a homemaker). It never once occurred to me that he had to do that to support her/our lifestyle. I always thought, and still believe, that he did it because of his own issues. I think your kids will come to the same conclusion whether you homeschool or not.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,999 Posts
Maybe I am not understanding your post, but I am reading that you are upset that you are the one that is primarily responsible for your children's learning. I think that is the case in many families. In our family we all have our "jobs". I do all the laundry, dh takes care of the garbage, I do all the shopping, dh does the shoveling, etc. In terms of schooling, dh's only job is to allow me to bounce ideas off of him, be the person that the kids get to show off their learning to, and the guy who makes the money so that I can buy materials. Other than that it is all about me. It's just the way things work here. I don't look at it as my suffering and hard work. Dh works hard too and his work does make schooling possible, his involvement just isn't as direct as mine is.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
49 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
No. We'd get paid (gi bill) while he went to school, so we could still homeschool.

I suppose you're right, it's more about his choices than our privilege. I just want him to be happy, he's just a *very* slow "processor" about his choices. When he's ready, he'll decide. Plus, his going to school will probably entail a move cross-country.

I just think that for our family at least homeschooling is more of a life-learning thing where both parents contribute to the kids' education and our livelihood and the kids should both be involved in our livelihood (helping with the garden and so on). I suppose I feel like that can't happen until my husband decides to go to school.

So, thanks for helping me sort through this. I guess that homeschooling is only possible for me when all family members are happy, in one way or another.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
49 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Therese's Mommy View Post
Maybe I am not understanding your post, but I am reading that you are upset that you are the one that is primarily responsible for your children's learning. I think that is the case in many families. In our family we all have our "jobs". I do all the laundry, dh takes care of the garbage, I do all the shopping, dh does the shoveling, etc. In terms of schooling, dh's only job is to allow me to bounce ideas off of him, be the person that the kids get to show off their learning to, and the guy who makes the money so that I can buy materials. Other than that it is all about me. It's just the way things work here. I don't look at it as my suffering and hard work. Dh works hard too and his work does make schooling possible, his involvement just isn't as direct as mine is.
No, that's not it. I just feel like our opportunity to be free-learners shouldn't be built off one person's having to work a job they don't really enjoy, if that makes sense. I'm seeing that it's more about his choices to educate himself, and not about us having great homeschooling lives while he's drudging away all day. I'm not complaining, just mentally trying to sort through it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,611 Posts
I think the OP means her husband is the one whose suffering and hard work are making homeschooling possible. But it sounds to me like both parents are working hard to make it possible - one at an outside job, one at home with the kids.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
8,976 Posts
Well, the term "mental problem" in your subject title implies to me a problem that has to do with letting the head overwork on something that maybe doesn't need that much analysis. I'd suggest staying out of your head as much as possible on this one and operating more from your heart. What you could do is make sure your part of the picture is a productive one in which you're doing all you can to provide a lovely and nurturing home environment when your husband isn't working. That's work too. Maybe this is just something he needs to work through on his own for now, for whatever reason, and maybe it will all come together before all that long - but in the meantime, you can be having a wonderful homeschooling experience with your children and supporting him when he's around. They can learn about mutual support and cooperation that way as much as any others.
Lillian
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,825 Posts
But is your DH's unhappiness at work going to change based on whether or not you homeschool?

Do you think your current lifestyle is based on your DH making an unreasonable sacrifice for the benefit of the rest of you?

It sure doesn't sound that way to me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
301 Posts
I understand where you are coming from but I feel that as the pp said, your husband will be unhappy whether or not you are homeschooling. As long as your husband can leave work behind him when he comes home to his family I dont see why he would not be able to participate in teaching your children. A lot of small scale farm families have one parent working out of the home while the other cares for daytime farm duties. On the weekend the duties on the farm are shared and projects get completed. It sounds like you and your husband need to set some family goals together and decide on a plan to achieve those goals. Good luck, I am sure you will get to where you both want to be soon!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,549 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by lovelymama2 View Post

I just think that for our family at least homeschooling is more of a life-learning thing where both parents contribute to the kids' education and our livelihood and the kids should both be involved in our livelihood (helping with the garden and so on). I suppose I feel like that can't happen until my husband decides to go to school.

So, thanks for helping me sort through this. I guess that homeschooling is only possible for me when all family members are happy, in one way or another.
I think you have to be careful not to let the perfect get in the way of the good.

I can see how your vision of the homeschooling lifestyle would be wonderful, but it just isn't happening now. Keep your vision, do what you can to move toward it, but don't let go of the good - which is the best you can do right now with what you have.

For what it is worth, my hubby is a bit slow working through choices as well. He finally got himself into a job where he has more vacation and more flexibility with hours - only to continue working 50-60 hour weeks without overtime pay. He has finally admitted he is a workaholic to himself, realized no one is making him keep this schedule, and been more open to taking time off to enjoy some of our homeschool adventures with us. Slower than I'd like but hey - I'll take any progress!
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
17,022 Posts
Quote:
I just think that for our family at least homeschooling is more of a life-learning thing where both parents contribute to the kids' education and our livelihood and the kids should both be involved in our livelihood (helping with the garden and so on).
Is that how your husband views it? Have the two of you talked about how he sees homeschooling happening?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
972 Posts
We're actually in a similar position -- dh has been working hard in a cutthroat corporate environment, and he's very good at what he does, but the stress is taking years off his life. We want to break out of it and go raise bees on some family land, but then he gets it in his head that it'd be so cool to get a new car, or go on more vacations, or buy this and that stuff we don't really need. What we need to do is seriously downsize our lifestyle so we can get to a point where we both can be mostly at home working independently. But it's a horribly difficult trap to break out of. And it's hard to grasp homeschooling without the ability to pay for the lessons and stuff we can afford now.

Don't know exactly what you're trying to figure out, but generally I get it. It's a huge process to even come to terms with the fact that you need to engineer a different lifestyle. We didn't wrap our brains around it overnight, and now we're in the difficult process of figuring out how to do it.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
5,239 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by lovelymama2 View Post
No, that's not it. I just feel like our opportunity to be free-learners shouldn't be built off one person's having to work a job they don't really enjoy, if that makes sense. I'm seeing that it's more about his choices to educate himself, and not about us having great homeschooling lives while he's drudging away all day. I'm not complaining, just mentally trying to sort through it.
But what do you think is best for the kids? I mean, if you & your husband agree that homeschooling is best for your kids, then why should whether your dh likes his job or not affect the kids at all?

My husband would certainly never say he loves his job as a software guy, I believe he'd laugh at the suggestion, LOL, but I don't really *love* doing the dishes, laundry & diaper changes all day every day. Those are just our jobs. But we do both agree that the kids are better off homeschooled. How much dh & I love our daily chores doesn't really affect how happy our kids are to be home, home schooled.

My husband's absolute dream job is organic farming.
But that's not likely to pay our bills.... plus we don't have the land for it yet.


Anyway, good luck working through stuff!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
140 Posts
I have felt the same way. I love the idea of homeschooling, our only child is 15months now, but I don't think I could live with the guilt of getting to stay home with our daughter all day while my husband had to spend his days at a job he hated. It didn't even occur to me until I read other peoples comments that whether we were homeschooling or not, really has nothing to do with him liking his job. It is actually all about my guilt over having the better job. But, if we were both working out of the home and I loved the job I had, I wouldn't consider quitting because my husband didn't like his job. I guess I just thought of it differently with homeschooling since he could be the one home while I was out working, though I don't think he would like this much either after the first week.
I have found talking to my husband about my guilt really helped. He has been in a job he hates for the past year, and just recently decided to go back to school and finish a second degree in something he thinks he will really enjoy. We both agreed that happiness in a job is really important, especially since it impacts much of your life outside of work as well. Hope this helps you a bit.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,403 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by lovelymama2 View Post
SO ... my problem with homeschooling is that I don't want our kids to learn that "an unschooling, free-learning lifestyle is only possible based on one family member's suffering and hard work." If that makes sense.

They won't learn that, I can't imagine it would even occur to them to think that. They will also be a lot less likely to end up in a job they hate and feel stuck there, so you'd be breaking the cycle.


Even if your DH stays in his current field for awhile and is pretty unhappy with his job, it is a perk to be able to take some days off whenever and know your family will likely be free. There have been many times we've scheduled last minute beach vacations when my DH just needed a break and/or it was a convenient time to take off some days (no big meetings, etc). Even now with my DS having more activities it's not a big deal since they are once a week, so he missed one class or session of each thing, which is a lot different from trying to pull him out of school for a week.
 
1 - 16 of 16 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top