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We...
My midwife asked me to apprentice...sort of
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Oh so happy for you!!!!
I remember how much fun I had learning all those skills myself over 20 years ago. Had to opt out of the apprenticeship for various reasons (including moving to the other side of the country because my dad died suddenly, to be closer to my mom) and after 20 years now, I am hoping to find that kind of opportunity again here back east, in the next few years.
Y'know...the bonus to the apprenticeship was that I did my own prenatal care for my youngest (who just turned 20 a week or a couple weeks ago), confidently, because I had those skills...didn't find a midwife till I was about 7months along or so!!! (he was 9lbs 4oz, born at home). If I had not had the training I had received in my very brief first attempt at apprenticeship, I don't know what I would have done.
I am so excited for you!!!
Joyce in the mts.
I remember how much fun I had learning all those skills myself over 20 years ago. Had to opt out of the apprenticeship for various reasons (including moving to the other side of the country because my dad died suddenly, to be closer to my mom) and after 20 years now, I am hoping to find that kind of opportunity again here back east, in the next few years.
Y'know...the bonus to the apprenticeship was that I did my own prenatal care for my youngest (who just turned 20 a week or a couple weeks ago), confidently, because I had those skills...didn't find a midwife till I was about 7months along or so!!! (he was 9lbs 4oz, born at home). If I had not had the training I had received in my very brief first attempt at apprenticeship, I don't know what I would have done.
I am so excited for you!!!
Joyce in the mts.
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it is soooooo worth it!!!!!!!!! I totally know how you feel. it is a true calling and it sounds to me that you have been called!!!!!!
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Congratulations.
It was a thrill to me when my MW asked me if I'd consider becoming a midwife. She said she knew when i came to my first prenatal that we'd work together someday. She felt that vibe. It was nice.
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Michelle
It was a thrill to me when my MW asked me if I'd consider becoming a midwife. She said she knew when i came to my first prenatal that we'd work together someday. She felt that vibe. It was nice.
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This is from my own thoughts & experiences and relevant to me but I think worth saying generally. It is not a good idea to doula at a birth where you are also bonded to the attendant. It is hard to serve two interests at once and the mw is the person in a position of power and can more easily sway you. I don't want to feel like I have failed a birthing friend because I didn't tell the mw to shove it when necessary.
Anybody who now says "Oh the mw and the mom don't have conflicting interests" ... hmmm. Even under the best of circumstances, this is hardly likely to be true. The best midwives keep even the tiniest bit of selfishness in check almost all the time. Not ALL the time. They don't even realize it sometimes and rationalizing it is easy. "The mom will feel better if she goes on and delivers that placenta" for example. Because the midwife is bored, thinks maybe she can get home in time to do carpool and hey, there's that tiny tiny tiny risk in letting the mom have her moment unhindered.
This is not a well developed thought, just one that brewed during a phone call the other day.
Anybody who now says "Oh the mw and the mom don't have conflicting interests" ... hmmm. Even under the best of circumstances, this is hardly likely to be true. The best midwives keep even the tiniest bit of selfishness in check almost all the time. Not ALL the time. They don't even realize it sometimes and rationalizing it is easy. "The mom will feel better if she goes on and delivers that placenta" for example. Because the midwife is bored, thinks maybe she can get home in time to do carpool and hey, there's that tiny tiny tiny risk in letting the mom have her moment unhindered.
This is not a well developed thought, just one that brewed during a phone call the other day.
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I am the doula first and foremost with this mother. Having been to her son's birth as well, I know that she likes to birth without much hands on. She is also a yoga instructor and uses that a lot in labor. I birthed twice with this midwife at home, and if there was ever an unselfish midwife, it is her. The mother always comes first.
Anonymomy, I totally respect your opinion, but I disagree with it. I do think it is something for a doula to be conscious of, but I don't think it causes a conflict of interest.
I routinely am a midwife's assistant *and* a doula (or at least in the role of the doula) at a birth; my role is to assist the midwife, but to ALWAYS advocate for the mama. I would never let my personal or professional relationship with our midwife get in the way of advocating for a mama.
But I do see your point and I think that it is important to always be aware of all the different dynamics in a birthing situation, and to continually reevaluate one's role and motivations, to ensure that the mama is always cared for and her birth space is well protected.
Lori
I routinely am a midwife's assistant *and* a doula (or at least in the role of the doula) at a birth; my role is to assist the midwife, but to ALWAYS advocate for the mama. I would never let my personal or professional relationship with our midwife get in the way of advocating for a mama.
But I do see your point and I think that it is important to always be aware of all the different dynamics in a birthing situation, and to continually reevaluate one's role and motivations, to ensure that the mama is always cared for and her birth space is well protected.
Lori
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Lori, I respect your opinion also and just know I can't do as good a job as you can at that.
Here's what probably started my thoughts but I had to have a recent personal experience to relate it to me.
Less recently, I had a nightmarish first birth where many of the things I sought to avoid by homebirthing were done to me without my consent by a fake midwife (CPM OB-wannabe). But when I called the doula who recommended I homebirth given my choices in the first place, to ask her to help the midwife deal with her uh, transgressions against me, birth, motherhood, etc. -- she said the midwife was wonderful, would never do anything inappropriate and "if [medwife] had told my daughter to stand on her head during her [homebirth] I would have told her she better do it." Does it sound like this doula needs to be at any more births with medwife, who she refers to as the mother of our birth community and her dear friend?
Look, it's not a totally complete thought.
Here's what probably started my thoughts but I had to have a recent personal experience to relate it to me.
Less recently, I had a nightmarish first birth where many of the things I sought to avoid by homebirthing were done to me without my consent by a fake midwife (CPM OB-wannabe). But when I called the doula who recommended I homebirth given my choices in the first place, to ask her to help the midwife deal with her uh, transgressions against me, birth, motherhood, etc. -- she said the midwife was wonderful, would never do anything inappropriate and "if [medwife] had told my daughter to stand on her head during her [homebirth] I would have told her she better do it." Does it sound like this doula needs to be at any more births with medwife, who she refers to as the mother of our birth community and her dear friend?
Look, it's not a totally complete thought.
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Congrats, Sarah....that is so exciting! My doula days are numbered and I look forward to the day when I can begin to apprentice. Are you attending births as a doula, anonymommy?
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Um... not like you do. Not paid. I have recently been called to er, doula for moms who have special needs they are having a stressful time meeting (like dealing with the consequences of a previous birthrape in a new pregnancy, wanting to do a breech vaginally, those type of stresses). I do not think I will ever charge. I ended up at one birth last week without much advanced planning and I need to look at myself very hard to make sure I have the grace needed.
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I'm sorry that happened to you; that is obviously inappropriate. Even if she *did* believe that about the midwife, your feelings are valid and should be honored. I guess all I can say is that we are all still learning and growing, and make mistakes. It's so unfortunate that this happened to you, and that this doula is so narrowminded. Birth is about the mama feeling validated and empowered, and that certainly was not honored with you! I'm sorry! I hope you are at peace with your birth, and that you are enjoying your little one.
Lori
Originally Posted by anonymommy Lori, I respect your opinion also and just know I can't do as good a job as you can at that. Here's what probably started my thoughts but I had to have a recent personal experience to relate it to me. Less recently, I had a nightmarish first birth where many of the things I sought to avoid by homebirthing were done to me without my consent by a fake midwife (CPM OB-wannabe). But when I called the doula who recommended I homebirth given my choices in the first place, to ask her to help the midwife deal with her uh, transgressions against me, birth, motherhood, etc. -- she said the midwife was wonderful, would never do anything inappropriate and "if [medwife] had told my daughter to stand on her head during her [homebirth] I would have told her she better do it." Does it sound like this doula needs to be at any more births with medwife, who she refers to as the mother of our birth community and her dear friend? Look, it's not a totally complete thought. |
Lori
That's awesome, Sarah! I wonder if one day I will be called to midwifery. Right now the politics bother me so much, that I think my true calling is in advocacy, but there is that distinct lure of the (oldest) profession....Good luck to you!
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Will this be happening anytime soon?
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Should I expect you to be my doula or the MW apprentice come Nov? :LOL
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Originally Posted by doulanichole My doula days are numbered and I look forward to the day when I can begin to apprentice. |
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Bensmom - not quite that numbered! My kids are too young just now so don't count on me for anything more than doula-ing!
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