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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
We went to dinner last night for my dads birthday with a couple of their friends, and one lady asked my mom "So will he be in school next year" My mom whispered "Well, I think she is homeschooling."<br><br>
I wonder why it was nessicary to whisper?<br><br>
Ugh...I wish I didnt have to fight with people about this. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Oh well.<br><br>
I said nothing, but its clearly going to be an issue if she felt the need to whisper.<br><br>
Jenny
 

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Yeah, and she's your mom and she just <i>thinks</i> you're homeschooling: she doesn't <i>know</i> for sure?<br><br>
It reminds me of my mom when we first started hs with my oldest. I quickly realized she was strongly opposed to what we were doing, and was determined to thwart us and get us to enroll dd in ps. But she was very indirect in a lot of what she did and said.<br><br>
With the whispering, it kinda sounds like your dear mom may be someone who doesn't want to really say what she thinks -- but may look for some "discreet" ways to manipulate the situation? I hope not! -- It's just, what you shared sounds reminiscent of our experience with my mom.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> That's <b>exactly</b> what I expect my mom will do when/if she's asked the same question!!
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<span>Could it be that she hasn't actually been <i>told</i>, so doesn't feel it's her place to blurt out an answer to the question in front of you - so that maybe she just feels it's best not to encourage a group discussion of it at the table at that particular time?<br><br>
I remember once when I was at my mother's, laying low while my husband took our son to Disneyland - fearing that a miscarriage was starting, but not wanting to tell her (and thereby get her all upset) until I really knew for sure what was happening. Someone called, and I heard her say in a low voice, "Well, I don't know - something's wrong with her, but she's not telling me anything..." - Lillian<br><br></span>
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Lillian J</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9003674"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><span>Could it be that she hasn't actually been <i>told</i>, so doesn't feel it's her place to blurt out an answer to the question in front of you - so that maybe she just feels it's best not to encourage a group discussion of it at the table at that particular time?<br><br>
I remember once when I was at my mother's, laying low while my husband took our son to Disneyland - fearing that a miscarriage was starting, but not wanting to tell her (and thereby get her all upset) until I really knew for sure what was happening. Someone called, and I heard her say in a low voice, "Well, I don't know - something's wrong with her, but she's not telling me anything..." - Lillian<br><br></span></div>
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Possibly! If I am sitting right next to her though, I would expect her to turn to me and say "Hey, are you sending ds to school next year or hs?"<br><br>
I know its alot to expect my mom to act mature though. LOL<br><br>
Jenny
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
I dunno. I'm thinking your mom really didn't mean anything by it. But I could be wrong! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">
 

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Maybe she whisperd because she's ashamed and doesn't want anyone else to overhear the shamful thing you are planing..homeschooling that is!
 

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<span></span>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>transformed</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9003726"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Possibly! If I am sitting right next to her though, I would expect her to turn to me and say "Hey, are you sending ds to school next year or hs?"<br><br>
I know its alot to expect my mom to act mature though. LOL</div>
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<span>Well, yeah - but if she's feeling kind of funny about the fact that you haven't told her anything yet, she might have some awkwardness about it. Part of this is that I look back and realize I was too hard on my own mother over a lot of what she did and said. On the one hand, I should have stood my ground waaaaaay sooner on a lot of things, but on the other, I shouldn't have been so quick to be so critical about others. It can be tricky for all concerned. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> Lillian</span>
 

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I just assumed the op had already told her mom they were planning to homeschool. I see Lillian's point that, if the mom wasn't sure, she might be whispering just because she wasn't sure.<br><br>
So, Jenny, you're the only one who can clue us in here: <b>had</b> you already told your mom you were homeschooling? I guess whether she knew or not makes all the difference, huh?
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I have talked about hs in conversation, I havent informed her "its official" though. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
BTW-I may be heading into a family reunion situation where the family members arent very nice about things they dont belive in-and I am sure to get guff from them. (If they are against hs-which I actually dont know them very well but I know they are mean!)<br><br>
So that will be fun.<br><br>
BTW-I called my mom and told her we are officially homeschooling but we dont know if we are going to "start" kindergarten or 1st grade yet.
 

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Ewwww... I hope the relatives at the family reunion aren't too harsh. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> Good Luck!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>coldfeet</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9014478"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Ewwww... I hope the relatives at the family reunion aren't too harsh. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> Good Luck!</div>
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make sure to bring the bean dip!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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Let us know how it goes! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<span></span>
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>transformed</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9014237"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">BTW-I may be heading into a family reunion situation where the family members arent very nice about things they dont belive in-and I am sure to get guff from them. (If they are against hs-which I actually dont know them very well but I know they are mean!)</div>
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<span>I went to a family reunion once where I got nailed by the cool, hard stare of a relative asking me pointed questions about homeschooling. I pulled a copy of The Homeschooling Book of Answers out of the car and gave it to her to peruse. I got back from a family outing later that day and she came up and told me she'd read the book while I was gone - and that she was going to "unschool" herself through college. She'd dropped her plan to follow a suggested plan, and was going to take the classes she was really interested in. Which she did. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> You just never know... - Lillian<br></span>
 

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I've had a relative ask if we're using a "state-approved curriculum." I'm not really sure how to explain unschooling to this relative, or to any others who ask questions at our next reunion.<br><br>
I was able to put off the relative when she asked me 2 years ago, by just saying we found plenty to do without buying a curriculum. But now that dd's 7, I have a feeling my relatives just won't "get it." I think they're all of the mindset that kids have absolutely no idea what they want or need to know in life.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mammal_mama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9021961"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I've had a relative ask if we're using a "state-approved curriculum." I'm not really sure how to explain unschooling to this relative, or to any others who ask questions at our next reunion.<br><br>
I was able to put off the relative when she asked me 2 years ago, by just saying we found plenty to do without buying a curriculum. But now that dd's 7, I have a feeling my relatives just won't "get it." I think they're all of the mindset that kids have absolutely no idea what they want or need to know in life.</div>
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<br>
And the word "unschooling" sounds utterly rediculous to those kinds of people. They think "Un-learning." <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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<span>I really don't see any reason to feel the need to explain "unschooling" to someone who's so far separate in their viewpoint that they're asking about "state" guidelines. I think the word itself is a bomb to many. You can vaguely or specifically talk about the things you <i>do</i> - the time with great books and activities and all the things they learn. But I think you're just asking for unnecessary aggravation if you try to carry on a conversation with non-homeschoolers about children deciding what they want to learn. In all the years we homeschooled, I never bothered going there - I just said things like "Oh, there's a world of really <i>wonderful</i> information that homeschoolers have access to that the schools don't even know about. The school materials and curricula are chosen by boards that are really far removed from what's really going on in the classrooms..." Etc.<br><br>
Take a look at this article: <i><a href="http://www.edutopia.org/muddle-machine" target="_blank">The Muddle Machine</a></i> - by a former textbook editor. And here's a wonderful website - I just posted about this in another thread - don't miss the "outrages" link in the left hand column: <a href="http://www.edutopia.org/muddle-machine" target="_blank">SusanOhanian Speaks Out</a> - done by a brave and dedicated teacher to try to facilitate change. And this article I just posted a link to in another thread: Interesting column by David Albert, former publisher of Gatto's book, Dumbing Us Down - in Home Education Magazine:<br><a href="http://www.homeedmag.com/HEM/192/magatto.html" target="_blank"><i>The Success of Public Education</i></a><br><br>
I think having a good <i>offense</i> in your bag o' tricks is a good part of being able to stay away from having to be in the position of <i>defense</i> all the time. <i>Not that you want to go around bashing schools</i>, but just that it's easier when you have the reality of the situation firmly planted in the front of your mind so that you don't find yourself on the defense so much as gently shedding light for people who haven't yet had the opportunity to find out about things outside the box. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
But good grief, I've got to push myself away from the coffee and computer and TV and stop procrastinating from unpacking boxes! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes"><br>
-Lillian</span>
 

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Jenny,<br><br>
Is your mom being passive aggressive like my mom? It just sounds like something my mom would do. Like she wouldn't want a lot of ppl to know about us HSing, b/c she'd continue to hope that we would change our mind and stick our kids in traditional school. So, she'd try to keep it hush hush and make it sound as if it was not a for sure thing.<br><br>
I know it's an odd comparison, but it just reminds me of my mom's reaction when I brought my boyfriend home from college, and she introduced him to everyone as my, "friend." I got annoyed with her later on and asked why she did not just introduce him as my BF and I could tell it was b/c he was not the type of BF she wanted me to have, so she didn't want to commit to telling ppl he was my BF, b/c she was kind of hoping it was a passing phase. It wasn't a phase. I ended up marrying him, so now he's my DH, lol.
 
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