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<p>I have read so, so many threads about mothers who are obnoxious, uncaring, and so forth, that I wonder if I'm alone here in having a great mother.</p>
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<p>My mother listened to us when we were kids, didn't tell us what career to have, didn't tell us who to marry, never said we were too fat or too skinny, thought we were smart and capable. She fully expected us to live our own lives when we grew up and let us do so. If we made choices she didn't like (three of the five left the church we grew up in), she loved us anyway. She fully supported our rights to live our own lives, did not tell us we were raising our kids wrong even if we raised them differently than she did.</p>
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<p>Me? I'm the type of mom my kids could have complained about when they were younger, but I am becoming more and more like my mother, which is great! (And a relief!)</p>
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<p>So, anyone else out there have a mother who is not toxic?</p>
 

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<p>I have the best mom EVER.  She is so awesome!</p>
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<p>When we were kids we always knew that she loved us, she worried too much (which I think is just cause she's a mom - I worry too much too), and she was always supportive of our individual interests and talents.  We were encouraged to try new things, and be ourselves.  I love my mom.</p>
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<p>The best thing she ever did for me though was when I was an adult.  I was in an abusive relationship with my ds's father, and she (at the drop of a hat) flew across country to stay with me for a MONTH - TWICE!!  She came the first time, stayed for a week.  Then she came again a week later and stayed for a month.  THEN, 1.5months later, she came AGAIN and stayed for ANOTHER month!  Missing thanksgiving and christmas with my dad for the first time in the more than 30 years they were married.  She helped me find a new apartment, file in court for custody and orders of protection, get my ds enrolled in daycare, bought me an apartment full of furniture at IKEA, helped me move, everything.  Seriously, I think my mom is the best in the whole universe.</p>
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<p>And, to top it all off, while I study for the bar exam this winter, she's coming for another month!!  She will be staying with me the entire month of February, cooking, cleaning and taking care of my ds while I study.  Best mom ever.</p>
 

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<p>My mom adopted me when I was four years old, so technically she's my step-mom, but because I call her "mom" blows a lot of theories out of the water about early mothering.  This has perhaps molded my own perceptions about what a mother is.  Listen, we had our problems when I was growing up, but in the end, I'm closer to her than ever.  God bless the woman for putting up with me and all my foibles after all these years.  Funny how a woman who has no connection to you biologically can be the person that you feel the most connected to as "family."  I'm all for attachment parenting in the early years and what not, but my relationship with my "stepmom" is living proof that love and attachment comes in many forms.  I am forever grateful that I was lucky enough to be part of her life, and me, a part of hers.  </p>
 
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<p>Well she's not my bio mom, but she's my mom and she's the best mom ever! She's not perfect, but she's done so much for me, even after her and my dad divorced. She was the one that even suggested a non-legal custody agreement, because she knew she had no legal claims to me and anything legal would ignore the fact that she was, is, and always will be my mom. She wanted me to be able to come and stay with her and my brother as much as I wanted. When she got remarried, I even got to be in her wedding party (step-dad, who is in fact ex-step-mothers new hubby, and her did argue about whether I would give her away or be his best man though).</p>
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<p>Come to think of it, I have the awesomest weird family in the world (IMO anyway). Parents, step parents, step step parents, siblings and step siblings and of course my own family too. <img alt="joy.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/joy.gif"> (And yeah, since I call my former step mom "mom" I call her current hubby my "step dad")</p>
 
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<p>If MIL counts I think I have one of the best MILs.  Not that we're soo close and would share my underwear type, but she's helpful, kind, quietly supportive, even if she doesn't agree with our choices.  She's very comfortable to be around and I'm never nervous if she's coming to visit (that's saying something as I suffer from anxiety disorder and get nervous about everything).</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Since this not a thread to complain about mom I won't talk about my own mom. :)</p>
 

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<p>my mom and i had a rocky relationship mainly coz of our differences in personalities. that doesnt mean she didnt love me. she did. i was v. hurt as a child but as i grew older i could understand more and see how wrong i had been with my interpretations. things changed drastically once i became a mom. i love my mom sooo sooo very much and miss her soooo much. she has really sacrificed a lot to make sure we got the best. she was also sooo much fun. taught me how to live in the moment. i love the relationship we have now. so when seh wanted me to stop bf, cosleeping i was able to basically tell her to shut up without being rude or feeling the stress. i love cosleeping with her and talking thru the night. </p>
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<p>my 'other' mom my xmil - now she IS my best pal. she has been thru soo much with me esp when my marriage to her son broke down. she was with me thru teh thick and thin of it. i always go to her for any advice because i know she will tell me the truth - no matter how harsh it is. we are great buddies adn make GREAT travelling companions. we are beyond a mother dd relationship. it goes far deeper. like best buddies. always, always watches out for me. she has always ALWAYS been there for me. she truly is an amazing person just by being who she is - which sadly her sons dont appreciate that much. to say i love her is an understatement. we share silence and laughter together. </p>
 
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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Super~Single~Mama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282232/my-mom-s-great-what-s-great-about-yours#post_16078528"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>I have the best mom EVER.  She is so awesome!</p>
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<p> Best mom ever.</p>
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<p><br>
Me too!  I have always felt very blessed. And just feel more blessed every year I get older.  She is amazing.  </p>
 
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<p>my mom and my MIL rock!!! i am so blessed!</p>
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<p>best thing about both of them- unconditional love, support and they know boundaries!</p>
 
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What a nice thread. <img alt="notes.gif" class="bbcode_smiley" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/notes.gif"> I hope DD feels this way about me when she's an adult. <img alt="heartbeat.gif" class="bbcode_smiley" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/heartbeat.gif"><br><br>
 

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<p>Not toxic at all.</p>
<p>My mother has always been very giving and supportive to me- even if she did not agree with all of my choices. I talk to her every week.</p>
<p>She has also been a wonderful grandmother.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She is fighting cancer now and the thought that I might not have her present for many more years is very difficult for me.</p>
 
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<p>Amazing mom, amazing woman.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Homophobic. Religiously conservative. Enabled my alcoholic, abusive father and other relatives growing up (and still does, to some extent). Massive denial.</p>
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<p>We almost didn't make it as a mother-daughter team. I moved over 1000 miles away largely to heal. It worked. Somehow, we have survived it all and we are as close as I am to any of my girlfriends and in that chatty, effortless way. She has survived the death of her oldest daughter 2 years ago (my oldest sister) at the age of 87 and I thought it would break her. It didn't. She has been left by one husband and buried 2 more. She still knows how to laugh.</p>
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<p>Granted, had I married a woman (and I am bisexual), that might just have done us in. I have had to live in a certain amount of denial myself in order to be able to forgive her. It's really hard to explain. I love her for her imperfections, her complexity and contradictions. She is a WOMAN, a real person. It's not always pretty. But she is strength, love, grace, resilience, laughter personified.</p>
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<p>Onlyzombiecat, I feel your pain. I can't imagine not having my mom around, either and at nearly 90, I have to accept that possibility, too.</p>
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<p>Here's wishing for many more years of health for your sweet mama and all the other amazing mothers out there!</p>
 

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<p>Hey Super Single Mama!  I think your mom and my mom should compete for Mom of the Year.  LOL  Yours would win, though, because although my mom WOULD do all of that, yours actually DID.  ROck out!</p>
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<p>My mom is the single most bestest mom ever in the whole world.  Her only downfall is I wish she would take better care of herself so she can be around until shes a GREAT grandmother.  She seriously is awsome.  We do everything together, and my kids mean more to her then life itself.  My MIL is awsome too, she really is.  But seriously, on the days shes off enjoying being a grandmother who also has her own life (BINGO here she comes.  LOL) my mom would rather be at the Garden Factory with my kids taking 8000 pics of them on the choo choo train and ferris wheel.  I could call her up right now and tell her I want her to come shopping at the mall tonight after work with me and the boys.  She would say yes in an instant.  No matter how tired she is.  Thats why I have to be careful what I ask of her, because she will quite litterally kill herself to get it done.  She has never said no as long as I can remmeber.  lol </p>
 

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<p>My mom is an incredible, supportive, caring and devoted mother and I am ever grateful for her and for our relationship.  I talk with her daily and see her about 2x/week for lunch/dinner/tea/chatting/etc. I cannot imagine not having my mother in my life. </p>
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<p>I feel entirely blessed for all of my immediate family members and our relationships. This includes the fact that we all have great relationships, my dp and my parents/sister, my dd and my parents/sister. </p>
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<p>my in laws aren't too bad either...as far as in laws go! ;)</p>
<p> </p>
 
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<p><br>
 </p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>~Charlie's~Angel~</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282232/my-mom-s-great-what-s-great-about-yours#post_16079547"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>Hey Super Single Mama!  I think your mom and my mom should compete for Mom of the Year.  LOL  Yours would win, though, because although my mom WOULD do all of that, yours actually DID.  ROck out!</p>
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<p>My mom is the single most bestest mom ever in the whole world.  Her only downfall is I wish she would take better care of herself so she can be around until shes a GREAT grandmother.  She seriously is awsome.  We do everything together, and my kids mean more to her then life itself.  My MIL is awsome too, she really is.  But seriously, on the days shes off enjoying being a grandmother who also has her own life (BINGO here she comes.  LOL) my mom would rather be at the Garden Factory with my kids taking 8000 pics of them on the choo choo train and ferris wheel.  I could call her up right now and tell her I want her to come shopping at the mall tonight after work with me and the boys.  She would say yes in an instant.  No matter how tired she is.  Thats why I have to be careful what I ask of her, because she will quite litterally kill herself to get it done.  She has never said no as long as I can remmeber.  lol </p>
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LOL!  Yeah, my mo is great.  I wish she lived closer to me (she's in Seattle, WA with my dad, I'm in NYC currently), but she's the best ever.  We're also like best friends, and talk on the phone every day.  I wish she didn't still work, b/c then she could come visit more, but since she's a young grandma she and my dad both still work (they're 56), but it also means that they are still young, and have lots of energy to chase DS when to do see him!!</p>
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<p>Yeah, did I mention my dad is the best dad ever too??  He's an interesting guy, and a little weird sometimes, but he loves all his kids, and now he loves his grandson too!! </p>
 

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<p><span style="font-size:12px;">My mom r</span>ocks. She instilled such a sense of confidence in us -- she sent us the message that she believed we were able to make the right choices for ourselves, and we rose to her expectations. She was there to guide us along, but we grew up feeling capable and trusted, and that was just such a huge gift -- I see many of my peers who are crippled by their parents' "caretaking."</p>
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<p>The example I always use to illustrate this is taxes -- the first year I had a job, at age 16, my mom sat with me and did my taxes with me. The second year, she stayed nearby, baking while I worked on them and asked questions from time to time, and she checked them over when I was finished. The third year, I did them completely on my own and she didn't even check them, which made me feel so good, like she knew I was capable of doing them correctly by myself.</p>
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<p>Even now, she's there for me in a split second if I need her, but she doesn't worry about my finances, my parenting decisions, my marriage, my job, or anything else because she trusts my ability to take care of it. I hope my kids grow up feeling as supported and believed in as I did. </p>
 
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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>limabean</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282232/my-mom-s-great-what-s-great-about-yours#post_16079670"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p><span style="font-size:12px;">My mom r</span>ocks. She instilled such a sense of confidence in us -- she sent us the message that she believed we were able to make the right choices for ourselves, and we rose to her expectations. She was there to guide us along, but we grew up feeling capable and trusted, and that was just such a huge gift -- I see many of my peers who are crippled by their parents' "caretaking."</p>
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<p>The example I always use to illustrate this is taxes -- the first year I had a job, at age 16, my mom sat with me and did my taxes with me. The second year, she stayed nearby, baking while I worked on them and asked questions from time to time, and she checked them over when I was finished. The third year, I did them completely on my own and she didn't even check them, which made me feel so good, like she knew I was capable of doing them correctly by myself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Even now, she's there for me in a split second if I need her, but she doesn't worry about my finances, my parenting decisions, my marriage, my job, or anything else because she trusts my ability to take care of it. I hope my kids grow up feeling as supported and believed in as I did. </p>
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<br><br><p>This is the kind of mom I want to be.  I'm not here to take care of you, I'm here to teach you how to take care of yourself.  I love that.</p>
 

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<p>I can say a lot of great things about my mom ... she taught me to love books and stories and how to revel in my own imagination and creativity.  She raised me to be a strong, independent thinker.  She's accepted me for who I am and has never tried to make me into something I'm not.  She's taught me that guilt has no place in a loving relationship.  She demonstrated strength and pride when she left my abusive father and took herself back to university as a single mom so that she could provide for her family. </p>
<p>As an older woman, she awes me with her tenacity and bravery.  She's travelled to Peru, Africa, Scotland, Costa Rica, Turkey, Morocco, Mexico, and all over North America in pursuit of her love of fibre arts. </p>
<p>Best of all, she is my daughter's best friend, and once a week comes to be with her for the day from two hours away (by boat!) so that I can go to work and not pay for childcare. <br>
And she plays a mean game of Scrabble!</p>
<p>And she's taking me to see Leonard Cohen next week! </p>
<p>And she knits perfect, funky colourful socks!</p>
<p>And she understands and encourages us in our efforts to give DD a non-consumerist upbringing!</p>
<p>And she's a member of PFLAG!</p>
<p>And she loves my DP!</p>
 
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<p>My mom has her quirks, but ultimately she's my best friend.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I can talk to her about anything. She's very, very generous and laid back. She taught me to always keep an open mind and try new things. She's probably the least judgmental person you'll ever meet. I'm very luck to have her. </p>
 
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