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Hello. I wasn't exactly sure which forum to put this under so my apologies.

My mother and I have always has a fairly stable yet at times abrasive relationship. She WAS married to a very wealthy doctor and her personality has made a drastic change since then. If you have ever seen someone that thinks she is completely better than someone else, this is her.

I met my husband my senior year in high school and we hit it right off. I am more the laid back type and so is he, he is into auto racing, cars, trucks and everything out doors. Which is fine by me, we got married and have a 4 year old son who he is a great father to. Our marriage, son and bills always come first before any racing or hobby. I knew my mother really didn't like the fact that my husband did these things but I said oh well. She never really treated him poorly because of it, until we had our son and my mom found out that he was beginning to get him interested in his hobbies as well just like any father would do with their son. My son absolutely loves his dad's "toys". He takes him for slow rides in the race car and just loves everything about what his dad is working on.

My mom made it very clear that she did not want "my son" (that's how she refers to him, my mother won't even acknowledge that my son has a father) to be involved with "******* money pit hobbies". Again I took these comments with a grain of salt. Until about end of the summer an event happened that just worsened everything.

My husband has a truck that he takes to the local fairs and does that "truck pulling" with. The truck I will say is alittle more race ready than it is road ready but none the less it's legally registered and has a current safety inspection sticker on it. We were out on a Saturday night for dinner, it was just us two, no child. We left dinner and on the way home got pulled over, for some reason whether he was new or just pissed off at the world, this cop threw the book at my husband, over size tires, too loud exhaust, truck sat too high, windows tinted too dark, illegal engine modification etc etc. I mean we ended up with almost 3k dollars in tickets that night. The officer also made him have the truck towed home, being his family lives out of town the only ones really around was my family so of course I called my mom and initially told her the truck broke down. However the cop wouldn't leave till our ride showed up to insure we didn't just get back in and drive away. And of course my mother was informed by this lovely gentleman why we were unable to drive the vehicle home.

All the way back to our house my mother didn't say a word, she dropped us off and went back home and immediately called me screaming at me telling me how my husband isn't allowed in her home anymore and that she doesn't want to see him again and that all he is doing is teaching our son to be a ******* and that I am a horrible mother for allowing a 4 year old to work in a dirty garage with his father and learn how to do these activities.

Since that day I have not heard or seen from my mother, she dropped Christmas presents off on our porch and that's been any and all signs of life from her. She will not answer or return phone calls.


And I don't know what to do to fix it???
 

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I don't think you can fix this, it's her problem. She might just be stuck, and would come around if you find a way to let her save face. You do deserve an apology, though.

Does she have a reason for being so opposed to his hobby? Maybe she knows a family that lost someone due to a bad car accident that involved racing? Could she have another reason why she doesn't like him and it's just easier to attack the hobby?
 

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I'm so sorry! It must really hurt, to have your mother treat you that way. Maybe I'm biased, because all my uncles are ******** and I adore them, but there is nothing wrong with your husband's interests. Moreover, for him to include your son the way you describe is such a healthy, wonderful thing for both of them - especially in comparison to your mother's apparent preference: teaching your son to be superior and snobbish.

Feel sorry for your mother, that some sort of insecurity is making her so upset at the thought that her son-in-law doesn't measure up to her inflated image of herself. Don't feel responsible to fix her. Enjoy your own (nuclear) family.
 

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My only thing is this: your husband needs to double check the letter of the law and make sure he's only driving roadworthy vehicles on the road.

If he is, cops can still be jerks but he could at least fight the tickets in court. (And at 3k, it'd be worth getting on touch with a lawyer to see if you can. Cops have absolutely arrested/charged people for fully legal behavior!)

As to your mom... first, do try to find out if she has personal trauma to cause her intense feelings. I kind of doubt it, but it would change how you approach this.

It seems very likely that this is just prejudice. If that's the case, it's really no different from if she hated your husband for being another race or from another country. Treat it the same way. If you can handle politely accepting her outdated views, that's fine. Feel sorry that she has such a closed mind that she can't appreciate the world, be prepared to explain to your son that some people have these views and it's sad but we can be kind without having to agree with them.
 
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It's an irrational situation, so I am not sure there is anything you can do.

What could you do to fix things for your mom? The only solutions I can see (which are absurd) is for your husband to completely change, or get a divorce. Beyond that there is little that will make your mom happy.

She is a grow woman, and it sounds like she's acting more like a child. So unless this is dementia or Alzheimer's, you will likely have to wait for her to get over it.
 

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Check out DWIL on Baby Center. They would have much firmer advice. Likely recommending that you tell your mom you don't want to hear her opinions on his hobbies again ever. And if she doesn't respect that you need to take a break from her until she agrees to stop judging him.

Your husband deserves better than the current situation. And so do you! Constantly feeling judged and defending is very tiring!
 
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