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We have a great live in nanny, we call him Uncle Oscar. He has 3 kids and raised his 9 siblings, so he has MUCH more experience, and patience, than either of us. I love that he's so helpful and my son loves him, but it bugs me that I can't calm my own baby as well as he does! He is like a baby whisperer! Am I just being silly?<br><br>
We cosleep most of the time, but on nights DS is super fussy he sleeps with DH or UO (DH in bed, UO in his bouncy chair or in his arms). I am the sole financial supporter, so I have to sleep, work and travel. I do work from home, so I am with DS a lot.<br><br>
DH is not good with out baby, he gets really irritated anytime he cries or fusses, this is why I got the nanny in the first place. It was suppose to be DHs "job" to be with DS, so I could focus on supporting us, but its not working out that way. I don't want to get to dependent on UO, if he leaves, I will have to find another live in (easy in Mexico), and I don't want DS to be sad. But we need him right now!<br><br>
How to strike a balance? anyone have this problem? (We are just an average family, not wealthy, but we chose to move South so we could afford help and a big enough house, which we couldn't have in CA)<br><br>
THANKS
 

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<p>We have a nanny and she has her own very nice ways to comfort the kids. I do and so does DH. But usually we all do it without the other person being so...present. I can't imagine a situation where the child was choosing between his primary caregiver, his mother, and his father. I think this would create a lot of confusion for the child and yes, make a separation in the future very very difficult. Maybe this kind of relationship is more common in other countries.</p>
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<p>I can also see how it would undercut your DH's ability to address your DS's needs. A lot of times skills are developed because of need. If DH doesn't have a need to develop them he might not, even if he means to and wants to. On the other hand if he trends a little more, I don't know, selfish (is that the right word?) I can see how the situation makes it easy for him to not engage.</p>
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<p>How is living in another country affecting him? I can see that it is isolating if he is not a working and not caring for a child. You are working and someone else is caring for his child. What is he doing? Does he have interests? Is he lazy? Depressed? Living in a foreign country to increase your standard of living doesn't seem like much of a tradeoff if the result is a stressed out mama, disengaged father, and a child who is confused about their caregiver.</p>
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<p>I would not be okay with DH not doing anything productive and we went though long periods were he wasn't really doing anything before we had kids. He eventually saw a therapist, constructed a plan for his life, worked as a SAHD for a bit and then went to school full time to enter a new careet.</p>
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<p>I'd be pretty concerned about all three of these issues. Maybe this is a living situation you should reconsider. Alternatly, you might consider putting some boundaries on when you are caregiver is to intervene. His hours are x-x and nightime parenting takes place in the following way, i.e. You both both do bathtime/bedtime and then you respond from x-12 and DH has 12-6 or whatever. We found this to be helpful when I worked full time and DH was a SAHD.</p>
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<p>(From an apartment-dwelling Los Angeles mama who WFT with a DH was a SAHD for 2 years and is now a full time student.)</p>
 
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